Nothing real original about all of this you see below. Just a quick cumulative list of the kick-ass that's happened this past year. Enjoy!!
- Saw Eddie Vedder at the Warner Theatre here in DC. - My nephew Callan was born on April 20, 2008 - Work promotions and pay increases, who knew?!?!?! - The Giants winning what was probably the best Super Bowl of my lifetime (so far)
- Going whitewater rafting in West Virginia in October - Seeing Pearl Jam again with the Chuck - High fives - Heading down to Florida for my buddy Matt's wedding - Johnny Lester not only says eat shit to cancer but also no hits the Royals - Spending a weekend in Virginia Beach with Kool-Aid - Getting to know "the inlaws" a bit more only to discover that they really like me - Singing "Rock and Roll Part II" aboard Philly's subway system (yeah, I wasn't aware they had one either) - Same weekend, "Too Legit 2 Quit" on Jitter's roof deck - Radiohead outdoors in the rain here in VA. - The Bruins return to NHL prominance - Toastedblog's rise from the ashes like the magnificient Phoenix, or some other town in Arizona - I've decided to grow my hair long and you know what, it's none too shabby - Spending this past Christmas with my entire family, first time we've been all together for some time - Becoming friends with D.C. and with all its faults, I am really happy here - My sister getting married - Chipwiches - Mutha-fuckin' Giants!! - Work people beginning to learn about how awesome I can be, rather than just a dude in an office - Taking Kool-Aid to a boat-load of games (Giants v. Cowboys, a number of Nats games, Manny's 500th HR in Baltimore) - Going with Kool-Aid to a few moe. shows - Tina Fey - And of course, another year with the Kool-Aid. Can't beat that deal with a stick! - Barack Obama - The Dark Knight - Frequently making your own pizza - Cheap gas!! - the baconator
Happy New Year people, we'll catch you in '09!! Be safe and if you see me around midnight, don't be hesitant with that whole kiss thing.
All throughout the 12 hour drive yesterday from Jacksonville, FL to the District this song was in my head, even as I listened to quite a few other tunes. It should also be mentioned that this is so not a bad thing. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you "Aurora" by the Foo's.
You gotta love that Dave Grohl, he can sing so pretty yet sounds can turn on the badass should the opportunity present itself. Don't believe me, go dig up "Monkey Wrench" on Youtube after "Aurora" has run its course. Niiice.
Initially this post was to be something of substance, but following my aforementioned 12 hour trek yesterday, my brain is a bit fried. The Foo Fighters will have to do for now. Any issues, take them up with management. Hope you all found a way to enjoy the Holiday. More zany Toast adventures to come.
Good Morning Kids. Well..the Toast has the Passat all packed with Rocky in tow (my stuffed Raccoon/first material possession who often accompanies me on road trips) and is heading South for a few days to spend Christmas at my sister's in Jacksonville, FL. It's going to be a bit weird spending the Holidays in 80 degree weather and on a beach but I think I'll get by. What might be even weirder is the outcome of us Cregg's getting together as the next few days marks the first time in about 5 years or so that my entire "nuclear" family will be together, in the same room. My mother flew down from Chigago, my father is flying down from back home in Syracuse today, my brother has been living down in Jacksonville for the past few months and my sister, well she's lived there for quite a bit now. Given my parents' affinity to not get along, and the past that I've had with my mother, this could be interesting, however, I think we'll get into the spirit of Holiday without the aid of too much alcohol. I know we're Irish, but the fact that Callan, my 8 month old nephew, is experiencing his first Christmas well that should hopefully be enough to get us Cregg's in the mood to be around each other with little to no issues.
All that thrown out at you, I am looking forward to this a bit. I mean, the first time in 5 years, that's a little ridiculous if you ask me. Plus I am eagerly awaiting spending time with my rather large little brother, its been too long since we've gotten together as well. So there it is, 5 days in sunny Florida with the family over Christmas. Good times, good times. If I don't get back at ya, I want to wish all of you a Merry Christmas and the Toast here will catch ya soon. I'm out!!!
Sweet sassy molassy; get out the checkbook and pay grandma for the rubdown. For the second consecutive week, I was forced to stay up late on a Sunday night to watch the Giants. This time, my team didn't look like a collective ball of ineptitude. I should rephrase that, for one half and an overtime period they didn't look like a collective ball of ineptitude.
Last night, the Giants decided to stick with their game plan which was the following: "we're going to run the ball down your throat; come try and stop us". Even when down 21 to 10 and the game looked like it was starting to get away from them as the Panthers had scored touchdowns on their first three possessions, the Giants stayed in character as a running team and with that plan set in motion they ran to the tune of over 300 yards as a team ultimately beating the Panthers in overtime, 34-28.
Now, while I realize that the outcome of this game could have been a whole hell of a lot different had John Kasay nailed his attemted 50 yard field goal with 9 seconds remaining but it certainly is nice to see the Giants regain a bit of their swagger. The difference maker for this team simply put, is Brandon Jacobs. When you have the power to pound a defense and run through a stacked 8 man defensive front, it just opens everything else up. True, the team does miss Plaxico and his ability to draw coverage, but Jacobs is all energy, power, and anger rising, and this is something that the team needs and gets with him in the lineup.
While Jacobs was the back that brought the much needed energy to the entire Giants Offense (i.e. Shockey's role but without the bitching and all the dropped balls), the man who really benefited from Jacobs being back in the lineup was Derrick Ward. The past few weeks with Jacobs on the sidelines, Ward was the featured back and without Jacobs's punishing runs wearing down the Defense, Ward almost looked a step slower. Last night was the exact opposite. Jacobs ran for 80 something tough yards and three touchdowns and Ward was able to hit every hole the Offensive Line created hard and was in the secondary before the Panthers Front 7/8 often knew what was going on out there. Hell, he had runs of 34, 22, 37, 51, 14, and 17 yards last night, the majority of which were in the Second Half when he tends to do most of his damage as a change of pace back.
I'm just glad that the Giants remembered how they are capable of playing and despite all the team has endured the last few weeks, they were able to step up and play when it mattered. They may not be in the same place as they were earlier in the season, and as mentioned this win did come down to a missed field goal in the closing seconds, but this team set out to do something last night (run the ball) and I guess 300+ yards, well that means they succeeded. You know what I always say: "In my book, you gotta get to White Castle before the weirdos show up."
The various teams here at the office have specifically gone out of their way to decorate their respective areas in the spirit of Christmas. In another spirit, competition, some sort of prize, or treat, is being promised to the team with the best/most original decoration. In his continuing effort to buck the norm, the Toast has done his own part.
"FESTIVUS IS BACK!! I'll go get the pole from the crawl space."
That's right internet audience. The Toast here has the pole up and ready. The beauty here is all in it's subtlety. While most folks at the work place have Christmas cutouts all over the walls, file cabinets wrapped up like giant gifts, and that distracting tinsel all to and fro, I sit with an aluminum pole set up outside my office, a sign on the wall that says "Festivus Yes! Bagels No!", and a clip board to list "the airing of grievances". If I don't win something here, I'm calling shenanigans.
Happy Festivus Everyone!! We still have a few days till the actual Holiday is upon us but if its not worth starting to celebrate now, I don't want to be a part of it.
Not gonna lie to you internet audience, the Toast here flies by the seat of his pants. He walks to the beat of his own drum. More importantly, the Toast is an ever evolving mantastic mass of awesomeness that seems to know no bounds.
Now, while all of this is quite fantastically awesome in it's own right, the Toast is certainly not without his share of flaws. I mean, I. I am certainly not without my share of flaws. One of my more potent flaws just happens to be, I can take forever when it comes to gettin' around to shit. This is just something I have struggled with my whole life. I'm not really talking about imperative shit mind you, its more things that are suggested to this fella to check out. Sometimes, I'm all over it like my buddy Willie Moe and bitterness. Other times, I just file these suggestions under "eh..I'll get to them later" and rarely do they ever come to light. It's quite sad really, as my friends are taking their time to share things with me that they value, and I just shrug them off like I do with other suggestions such as obeying local traffic laws, proper golf ettiquette, and clothing requirements while in public. Let's just see you try to not serve me just 'cause I'm only in underpants; I want an ham, egg, and cheese on a pumpernickel bagel dammit. This no pants thing is just trivial horse hockey. For the birds I tells you, for the G.D. birds.
So, get on with it you say. Stop the stalling?? Eh, I suppose you're right. Well, picking up where I left off, I've been trying to get to a few of these suggestions that people have thrown my way and I'm not gonna lie to you, most of them revolve around various forms of entertainment to check out. Where this post goes from here is telling you folks at home some of the nonsense that I am getting myself into of late and why it kicks so much ass. You know what, I need to start listening to my friends more often. Who knew they liked so much cool shit?!?!
Uncle Tupelo
Originally, I think I was told to check out Uncle Tupelo on the way back from a baseball road trip by good pal Dunford as we had Wilco's "A Ghost is Born" playing as we trekked back towards Central NY. You know what, this was like almost 5 years ago. Since then, numerous friends, many from the same social circle (Danny, Javen, Billy Ball, I'm looking at you here) have suggested to me the very same thing. "Oh Toastie, you need to listen to Uncle Tupelo, they the shit. Jeff Tweedy used to be in them before Wilco." My response was always the same" "Aw..sweet, I really should look into that." Instead, do you know what I did, ignore it and fucking deal with the same shit that I've been listening to for-fucking-ever. What an asshole I am. Or was. Whatever.
Now, what really blows my mind is the fact that I've been a Wilco fan for quite some time, quite some time before Tupelo was lobbed my way like a slow pitch softball, one that I should have crushed out of the park and been jamming to ever since. Instead, I ignored this advice for years, never getting around to picking up an album. What's even worse is that I didn't give my friend's a fair shake and chose to listen to others to find new music. Hell, I downloaded a shitload of The Mars Volta because some random told me they jammed like crazy years before I finally went out and got "Anodyne", which was just a few weeks ago. You ever listen to The Mars Volta?? Eh, it's interesting, but kickass it unfortunately is not. You know what is kickass by the way?? I think you folks can tell where this is going. Mmmm..drink it in, that Alt-Country always goes down smooth.
Watchmen
By now, a lot of you have probably seen the following preview.
Some of you are probably saying: "Jebus, another comic book movie?? I'm not sure if I can take a chance on another one, especially after those Fantastic Four movies sucked balls."
You best pump your breaks!! Currently, I am reading the graphic novel that inspired what is probably going to be the most awesome movie that I've ever seen. Yup, the book is that good. So, the point I am trying to make is, why the hell did I take so long to read this summbitch??? For years, friends have tried to appeal to the uber-dork in me. You know, the one that read comic books. My trying to figure out what this movie was all about was what recently caused me to finally go out and pick it up. This was definitely not a mistake, not in the least. If you need my endorsement to check out Watchmen, well then you've officially gotten the green light. It really is that awesome!! Blew me away I can tell yous.
Quick Sidenote: You gotta love "Take A Bow" by Muse in that trailer. Man, Muse is the tops!! Get hit with the whole tune below. BOO-YAH!!!
Sugar Snap Peas
I don't like peas. Never have, probably never will. This stems from my childhood days on a night when my Aunt Mary was babysitting my sister, brother, and I. I don't know, had to be about 4. During dinner, I was told to finish my peas. I objected claiming that I would throw up if I did. I was then forced to finish said peas. I then threw up. Since, I have never eaten a pea. Any dish that I was served from that moment on that had peas in it, I would take upwards of a half hour picking out every single cold and mushy pea. Do you have any idea of the patience necessary to pick peas out of Tuna Noodle Casserole?? I might as well have been a priest.
Anywho, just recently I have started buying up these Green Giant frozen, boil in the bag, steam in the bag, what-have-you vegetables as I'm looking to clean house following an extended period of not working out so hard/playing rugby due to an injured back. These little things are delicious. At about one Toastie sized serving per small package, they are great for a quick meal when getting back from the gym, heating up for work lunches, or just to add a quick shot of some good for you shit to any meal. One particular type of these little beauties has potato wedges, red peppers, and a whole mess of sugar snap peas. I was first a little wayward when I decided to pick it up from my local grocer's freezer. But, I remembered, I used to not like a lot of things, why not give this a shot??
These little sons of bitches are delicious. They're sweet and crisp; and they have this good sauce on them sometimes. You can even just put some pepper on them and go to town...in a healthy way. Folks, that ain't bad!!
So there you have it, and that's just a taste of what this kid has been finally following through on. Sorry that its been a while since a real post kids. Things are busy on this end. But don't worry, Uncle Toastie hasn't forgotten about you. Take 'er easy folks, I'm out for now!!
Now I don't watch Saturday Night Live, nor have I ever seen "Hot Rod" or "Space Chimps" (not that I ever will) but this Samberg guy pops up every now and then and what I'm left with is something that's actually pretty damn funny. Makes me wonder what's going on the rest of the time.
Just let me rant here; vent if you will. The past few days of coming into work have been a little bit awkward and frankly, just plain depressing. Like many companies, mine is finding that the current state of the economy is causing the whole being successful and making money thing to be just a tad bit difficult. To deal with this, my company has decreased goals a bit and, more importantly, attempted to cut overhead. What is the easiest way to do that internet audience?? You guessed it, to cut jobs, which is what happened here at my office last Wednesday.
So, not gonna lie to you, things since are on edge here at the workplace, even though the rest of us have been told that we're safe. But the fact remains, once a few jobs and a bit of overhead has been chopped, what happens in six months when the economy continues to struggle?? My team had our weekly meeting this morning and it was as negative an atmosphere that I've been a part of in quite a while. I tried to do my best to bring some bright spots and energy in but that was quickly squashed by the negative attitudes that joined me in the room.
It's just such a difficult scenario to work in and I guess all that I am trying to do is go out and make it known, even if it is just me spitting out some of the random on this here blog. After my two hour morning meeting of shit, I just wanted to put on my coat, put my laptop in my bag, and hit the bricks. To be honest, I still want to do that as the expressions of every one's face around me clearly demonstrates where their mind is at. Maybe tomorrow will be different, but the empty offices around me suggest that it may very well take a little while for things to get normal-esque again. Oh well, at least "The Dark Knight" comes out tomorrow. That shit was the shit!!
It's fucking Friday already?!?! When did this happen?!?! The week is over?!?! Well nobody told me!! How am I supposed to keep things straight when I have no idea what day it is?!?! What was that you said?? It's not even November any more?!?! I gotta pump the breaks here, at least take a knee for a quick breather.
This mid-week Eagles of Death Metal tribute has got to stop...or does it?? My reaction when I first saw this video a couple years back was priceless, especially when Hughes starts solo-ing for the first time with the girl in the motel room. Damn that sexy!!
"Woooooo!!" Gotta love the Eagles of Death Metal I tells ya. "Boots Electric" and "Baby Duck"!! "The Devil" and "Carlo Von Sexron"!! Whatever alias you want to call them Jesse Hughes and Queens of the Stone Age's own Josh Homme have booty shaking, psychedelic, glam rock down pat. While back home over the holiday weekend I met up and had a few beers with "Karate" Jim, a fellow EODM fan, and their latest album "Heart On". I had yet to pick it up and pretty much freaked on me. Needless to say I got my hands on it the other day and have been gettin' down with the getdown ever since. As Hughes puts it, "Heart On" is:
"EODM's latest fabulous weapon, a top-secret music missile, a sonic warhead sexually tipped for her pleasure, shot from the deck of USS EODM Mantastic Fantastic."
Well, it sure is hard to come up with an arguement to tackle all that. "Karate" Jim was right to freak on me as this album is vintage dude rock wrapped up with a little bit of sexy. Oddly enough, I actually had the opportunity to see EODM recently as they were in the District about a month ago. The reason why I say "opportunity" back there rather than refer to "that kickass time I saw the Eagles of Death Metal"?? It was a Wednesday night show. Great Caesar's Ghost I'm sad. That night, I was probably in my jammies by ten instead of groovin' and shakin' to some sweet booty rock.
Now, unfortunately I had some difficulty in obtaining a real video of some of their tunes off this new album so you can see EODM in all their tight pants wearing glory. That being said, some genius found a way around this and put something up on youtube, of which you will see some examples below. Both are pretty choice and so far are my tops for the album!! Now come get a taste of some of this hot stuff comin' through. Ooh!!
Well, the still to be named Passat is all packed up and the Toast is scheduled to get the hell out of Dodge with a certain Kool-Aid for a few days. The destination?? Why, back home to Syracuse of course for Thanksgiving with Pa Cregg and a little bit of goings on with the boys back home for a few days. Anticipated time of arrival in Central New York in the 6pm-7pm range, or Beer-Thirty if you want to get technical about it. So far my plan is to drive a shitload of miles at high speeds so I can meet up with a few buddies for some highly anticipated Labatts, a Blarney Burger, and the Bruins v. Sabres game which the opening face-off just happens to coincide with a certain Beer-Thirty and a certain Toast arrival. Hmmm, it's as if it were planned??
Enjoy your Turkey Day peoples!! I can tell you that I'm looking forward to it something fierce!!
VALUED AT $17,500; WILL SELL AT $2,000; WEIGHT APPROX, 175 LBS; WAS USED AS A LINE THROWER TO TRAVERSE RIVERS AND CLIFFS DURING THE CIVIL WAR; GREAT COLLECTORS PIECE; FANTASTIC CONVERSATIONAL PIECE
Man, I can't wait for the days when I can just sit around with a group of people and just bring up my breathtaking conversation piece, a Civil War era cannon. This craigslist ad was found in my email this morning as a certain Kool-Aid decided that it was of utmost importance that I discover this unique opportunity. Frankly, I don't see a way around my obtaining this highly interesting relic.
I mean, for me, to own a piece of American History that is a brilliant conversation starter is almost daily priority number one. Screw that going to work shit. Cleaning one's self, who needs it? Not when I can talk about my cannon. Did you know that this very cannon was used as a line thrower to traverse rivers and cliffs during an Epic War in our Nation's History, the Civil War??
How much did you pay for that cannon?? Well, I'm not going to tell you that. That's my little secret. But, what I can tell you is that it as been appraised for over $17,500. What's that you ask?? How much does such a fantastic historical specimen weigh? Well, it currently scales at approximately 175 lbs. That weight just screams authenticity.
And, if you were desperately searching for a new hobby, were you aware that this very authentic antique 1864 Civil War cannon is also a great collectors piece. Finally, all you cannon collectors can complete the set by obtaining the highly elusive 1864 Line Thrower model. Forget about this thing being obtrusive and you need not worry if you are unsure of where to display such a spanking historical artifact. Your 1864 Civil War cannon will tie together any room with its heavy iron-ness and its authentic Civil War cannon-oscity. It just begs for attention. Look at me. See how I shine?? Note that sparkle?? I'm a fucking big ass cannon and I'm sitting here in this jackass's living room for some reason that only this goofy bastard knows about. And why the hell does he have a giant globe in here and a fake marlin on the wall??
In any event, the reason this cannon was brought to my attention is the simple fact that two folks you all should hold dear are currently on the lookout for some more furniture. You see, my beloved apartment, Fort Awesome, is changing street addresses. That's right, Kool-Aid and I are moving. Not far might I add, and to quite the larger place. I'm going to have stairs. You hear that, STAIRS!!! Gone will be the days of the cozy little apartment with a den whose doorway is too narrow to fit a kickass recliner through it's gates. I'm going to have my own living room in a furnished basement for uber manly and definitely non-dorky video game playing to boot. I'll be able to fit a fleet of recliners in that summbitch.
Most importantly though, our new rowhome will allow us to get a dog, something that we've been putting off due to the time it currently takes us to get back and forth to work. Let the "Gary" acquisition commence at year's end people, as we are set to move in January. "Gary" just better make sure he doesn't confuse my new cannon with his toilet. He'll be in a world of hurt if that thing depriciates in value. What on earth would my friends think??
After two long years of renovations the National Museum of American History has finally reopened and guess who's been looking forward to this day for weeks?? First thing tomorrow morning Kool-Aid and I are planning on hitting this thing up for some sweet sweet history experiencin'. I'll probably even go to bed early tonight. Jesus Christ I'm hella lame. Adventure. Excitement. The Toast craves not these things.
When I look back at my 29 years of rompin' and stompin' in this world, there are many things that stand out in the forefront of the ol' noggin. Some extremely entertaining, some a tad bit heartbreaking. Other's hilarious or quite painful. The first Pearl Jam show, playing street hockey every spare moment with my brother growing up in the cold Syracuse winters, my parents getting divorced, destroying my shoulder in High School, going to Giants games with my Grandfather, the first day I wore those short rugby shorts (white Irish Catholic thighs ablaze), that time when I built a half-pipe with some friends and my brother laughed at me when I took a massive digger on my first attempt which resulted in my chasing him down and throwing him through a neighbor's door and into their home where he would be yelled at by the kid's vacuum cleaning mother while trying to catch his breath after getting knocked into the corner of a table. Honestly, with the way that I drink I am surprised that some of those are still sticking around.
But there is one very underrated memory that kind of popped in my head the other day and caused me to develop this post for you my internet audience on this Tuesday. What is it you ask?? The infamous, never duplicated, surprisingly subtle, Sandwich Party.
The renowned tale of lore that is, the story behind the Sandwich Party, is not an impressive one. Not at all. Basically, the Sandwich Party consisted of Senior in College Toast and good friend Willie Moe, buying various pounds of deli meat on a Sunday, drinking and watching movies/playing video games and eating sandwiches every hour on the hour while wearing fleece sweatpants. That's it, really; it sounds trivial I know, but it was oh so sweet. You weren't there, you have NO IDEA!!
Now, while the memory of this sandwich party will always stick with me for some odd reason, most likely as a random thing to joke about amongst friends, why it was brought up was to demonstrate sandwiches being my favorite, and thus ending this terribly long introduction and getting to the real subject of this train wreck post. I have decided to end my ever so long internal debate and crown one sandwich, and one sandwich alone, as my favorite. The World's Best Sandwich if you will.
Now, after careful consideration and lots of blind luck, I have come up with a list of tasty sandwiches all worthy of participating in this little competish. If I were computer savvy enough, I'd find a way to get this in some sort of bracket format but I've given up on trying. Instead I have devised a highly technical system to rank said sandwiches. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you. Sandwich Rank-Bot 3000.
Sandwich Rank-Bot 3000 will carefully judge and rank sandwiches according to four extremely important categories. Below is Sandwich Rank-Bot 3000's highly elaborate ranking system.
Deliciousness, that's easy and straight to the point. Convenience factor, now things get a little interesting. How much effort goes into acquiring said sandwich?? What do you have to go through to get it? Where do you have to go?? DO you even have to leave the house?? Would you/can you bring them for work lunch?? All of these questions are terribly important when it comes to ranking a sandwich. Next we have the sandwich filling category, not gonna lie to you, but this counts, A-LOT. So, how awesome are the contents of your tasty treat?? Is the combination of meats too much?? Finally, we get to the aftermath of delicious sandwich consumption. Frankly put, what's gonna happen to you later after taking this guy down. Good?? Bad?? Indifferent?? Sandwich Rank-Bot 3000 will let us know.
I really love me some cheese steaks. Only problem is, they tear me up if you know what I mean. Well, two problems if you count that finding a really good one is kinda difficult, unless you live in Philadelphia which sadly I do not. I'm sorry, steak-ums don't count. Steak-ums are for the birds.
So good. So very good!! However, do you have time to smoke a 8lb pork butt?? Of course you fucking don't!! Who would?? If we had that kind of time we'd be eating delicious smoked meats slathered with bar-be-que sauce all the time. Instead, you know what I had for lunch?? Processed deli turkey with mustard on Dark German Wheat Bread. Ugh. Sure it's good for you but a heaping pile of delicious pork it is not.
Now we're talkin'!! Right here you'll find this little project's big winner. To me, it doesn't get any better than the leftover turkey sandwich. White meat, dark meat, you just can't lose. You can have 'em hot by smothering dem summbitches with gravy. You can just put mayo on it and shove it between a few slices of bread. Hey, why don't you take some of that leftover stuffing that but that on there as well. Better yet, throw some gravy on it too, just to give it some extra panache. It's only downside, you either have to prepare an entire 15 lb turkey to reap the dividends or depending on what you're family enjoys for the holidays, you'll pretty much only have two opportunities to enjoy one of these beauties. Plus, you get the added bonus of taking a nap (tryptophan) and those oh so enjoyable turkey farts!!
I rate buffalo flavored items the following: Wings, Pizza, Nachos, Sandwich. I really have no explanation. I just prefer wings. There, I said it!!
Grilled Charlie "Do NOT put peanut butter on that!! NO!! A Grilled Charlie has peanut butter last!! Peanut butter outside, chocolate inside, butter inside, cheese outside."
One of the funniest things about Manwich is the fact that when I first starting dating Kool-Aid, her roommate Matt decided to make this for a party that they were having and by the end of the night not one individual decided to indulge in all of its mantastic glory. I can only imagine the reaction by these people when they first saw it, just sitting there in a skillet. "Uh...is that Manwich??" I think all guests thought that someone had made it earlier in the day and just decided not to clean up, it's the only explanation. To me, this stuff is delicious. I like to hollow out the top part of the bun so that it holds in even more awesome Manwich, like a Manwich pocket. Kool-Aid refuses to allow me to make this at home. Sigh..
Arby's is awesome, that's all I'll say. It is the only fast food that I'll eat. Something about the concoction that is Horsey's sauce combined with Arby's Sauce that turns a regular roast beef sandwich into utter deliciousness. Still, with an Arby's pretty much on every corner, it's got that convenience factor all but pegged doesn't it. However, it's still Arby's and no matter how good it tastes, it is a sandwich that quite possibly isn't real at all. How can a sandwich that costs $2.99 win this thing. It can't, that's how!
Reuben's are just a classic sandwich. No varying on things here though, and that's gonna cost it a few points overall. Enjoyable, you betcha!!! The Tops??? Eh, not so much. Sorry there little fella. I still do find you quite tasty what with you're delicious corned beef, swiss cheese, rye bread and sauerkraut. All it's good points though, I can't make them well at home. I fuck it up somehow, every single time. I have no explanation but they always come out like a pile of hot garbage that tastes not nearly as good as I envisioned it would. So, that means, I have to go out to get them whenever a reuben is in the cards for the Toast and 50% of the time that'll hurt your chances every time.
I was first introduced to Italian Style Beef Sandwiches on a random visit out to see my mother in Chicago a number of years ago. We had gone to a restaurant called Portillos that featured these summbitches. Now, I have found recipes that allow me to make these on my own, the only thing is that the entire process is a bit of a hassle. Who has time to cook meat for a few hours, refrigerate it, slice it as thin as humanly possible, heat it up in a pot of its own delicious natural juices, and then enjoy. Mind you, I have had the time in the past, but not often enough to give it top billing. Explaining the aftermath is easy.
Oddly enough the Chipwich rounds out with the top score out of all these awesome and stomach busting sammiches. Note that the Chipwich is indeed a sandwich, it's in the name godammit!! It is found that the Toast will do extreme amounts of manual labor for no other payment than a chipwich. Move you cross country, you'll owe me a chipwich. Need help getting that couch upstairs, it'll cost you a chipwich. Be your wingman for an evening, that'll run you about a chipwich or two. See how that works.
The Blarney Burger is named after my favorite bar in my old stomping grounds, Tipperary Hill, a predominantly Irish neighborhood in my hometown of Syracuse, NY. The Blarney Stone ran a special every Wednesday night that featured the Blarney Burger, a half lb burger with the works, and a side of fires for $4.50. It should be noted that the Blarney Burger should not count as it is indeed not a sandwich and I no longer live in this neighborhood/within NY State boundaries thus plummeting the burger's convenience to an all-time low score of -2. Also, it is a sleeping pill under the clever guise of a delicious burger. Under all circumstances, one should not consume an entire Blarney Burger and A. attempt to operate heavy machinery, and B. try to hang out, drink, and score ladies as this is a recipe for bad news. Please be advised, stand fast for late night jail breaks.
A very underrated sandwich in it's own right. That's the problem, I never think to make them. In college, they would have them at the cafeteria cut in half just ready for the taking. And I wonder how I got over 200 lbs first semester sophomore year when I broke my arm in the first practice and wasn't playing hockey but instead just eating these fucking things all the goddamn time. Seriously, I'd pile like 5 sandwiches all together on one plate and a bowl of soup and just go to town. Realistically, they are a top 5 sandwich, no matter how you slice it. HA!! Get it??
Meatball Sub Deliciousness: 4.5 Convenience: 2.5 Filling: 5 (they're fucking meatballs, of course they're delicious!!) Aftermath: 3.5
These only really count if you make the meatballs from scratch, or they're from your Italian Grandmother's recipe. I'm wicked Irish, like full blown. I don't have the luxury of a Grandmother's recipe. We boil our meats, not cover them in delicious sauce. Cheese....don't even get me started. We have no idea what cheese is or if it actually exists, unless its made from a goat or sheep, or something like that and that kind of cheese doesn't even hold a candle to shit like mozzarella.
Pa Cregg's Breakfast Sandwich Deliciousness: 4 Convenience: 4 (if you can fry up bacon, then you can make this summbitch) Filling: 4.5 (for ingenuity) Aftermath: 3 (sooo greasy)
My Dad, god bless him, made up this sandwich before I was even born and whenever we'd have family breakfasts he'd make these things up...for himself!! Okay okay okay okay, occasionally we'd have them too. These get the Toast stamp of approval so when you have the time, take a moment and make them yourself. Basically, just make an English muffin, slather that summbitch with peanut butter (I prefer chunky), throw some bacon on it, smoosh it together, and eat. Awfully tasty. Downside...may cause a heart attack.
Monte Cristo Deliciousness: 4.5 Convenience: 0
You know what, I'm not gonna write anymore about a sandwich that you have to make french toast before you can enjoy it. FUCK and NO!!
Well, that is pretty much it. I mean, I can get into your sandwich staples like chicken salad, ham and cheese, tuna melts (so fucking good except you have to make tuna and that smells up the kitchen), and chicken pitas but I have to get to work at some point. And, I guess I'll leave you with the following. It's been in my head the past few days, hence the picture. Hilarious I tells you!!! HILL-LARIOUS!!
Last night the Toast here trekked to a Borders in nearby Tysons Corners, VA for a book reading of "Men With Balls" by KSK Co-Founder and Deadspin Contributor Drew Magary. For those in the know, it was just as awesome as it sounds!!!
Drew, I can't really bring myself to call him by his blogging surname of Big Daddy Drew, basically read a few passages from his book, answered some questions, met and shook hands with everyone that showed up, chatted away for about a half hour, and then hit the bar with his fans in tow. It was, just as I expected it to be; low key, cordial, hilarious, and genuine all topped off with delicious alcohol. Realistically, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Well, I guess the book reading/signing could just have easily taken place in the bar, but I don't make those decisions and I think, he may not have either. Damn you publisher who shall remain nameless, DAMN YOU (shakes fist)!
Not gonna lie to you, I had a few road sodas on the way out there to boot. A couple tasty Arrogant Bastard Pale Ales and with the drive taking close to 45 minutes due to traffic, I had to go something fierce as pulled in to park. After downing what remained of road soda no.3, I ran into Borders desperately searching for the bathroom as we still had a few moments till this little reading got underway. And who should I run into as I approached the men's room, Mr. Magary himself. We did the dance as we tried to go past one another; you know, you both go right, then go left, continue. This was followed by his simple, yet polite: "Sorry." I countered with: "Here, I'll go this way." He was taller than I thought he'd be. Whatever.
One nice point from last night's little reading was that Drew also read a post from his FKS days, which I always thought were hilarious, as they seemed to be a bit more personal; for the simple fact that...they were indeed more personal. I don't know, I guess it comes down to, writing, for or about yourself always seems to have a way different feel than the alternative, a book of dick and fart jokes.
Nevertheless, good times all around. Had a few beers, a few laughs, what-have-you's. All that and I was able to go to bed at a reasonable hour. Hot damn, that's good Wednesday!
Happy Veteran's Day everybody. Now, if we can just keep these G.D. kids from riding their skateboards and listening to this "rock music". I tell ya what, this generation is worse than the hippies, the flappers, and the Nazis combined...at least the hippies gave us those fat watchbands, and the flappers could dance, and the Nazis had that song "Eight Days a Week". What?? That was the Beatles?? Well who did I say??
In all seriousness, thank you for what you did for this country.
Now thats out of the way, I do really like this Weezer tune. The album, well to me it's really just another Weezer album, not great but fun to listen to. A few good jams and I have a top notch time while rocking it but when it's done I just don't really want to listen to Weezer for a day or two. Ok, I'm outta here, word on the street is I have my review coming up. Well, it's not really word on the street if your boss told you about it and has already agreed up luncheon plans. I'm sooo gonna get me a reuben. That raise yet remains undecided.
This morning I am back at the office following one of the greatest weekends I've had in a while. But what did I do?? What could possibly make this weekend far superior to those that had recently passed by?? Well, to be honest, I did nothing, ab-so-lute-ly nothing and it was everything I'd hoped it would be. Eating and sitting. A few beers and some football. That's about it. Now, there have been some repercussions from my weekend of my self shut-in but I reckon that my inane ability to interact well with others will come back soon.
Following my Friday night of getting kinda drunk at the hands of some mighty potent IPA and being kind of an ass when the ladyfriend and I met up with some of her co-workers, I was left alone on both my Saturday and Sunday as Kool-Aid was out in the Atlantic City for a bachelorette party. Now, part of me wanted to go out and woop it up like the good ol' weekends of my single days. You know, boy's night out type of stuff. Or was this to be my weekend to just put no effort out whatsoever and reap the benefits of being home alone with nothing on the agenda?? Eureka!! I am the greatest man alive. Time to bust out them sweatpants.
Now, when you're hunkering in for a long haul weekend, you're going to need some supplies. So, I spent part of my Saturday morning going out and loading up on the "essentials" for the weekend.
- Root beers? Check. - Delicious real beers? Check (Remember, you've got games to watch, time to stock up!!) - Random Hilarity for those down times? Check
- Random movies on demand? Ooh...I think I see "Big Trouble in Little China". And, is that, "Police Academy 3"?? You better believe it is. - 3.5 lb top round roast for Chigago Style Italian Beef Sandwiches? Check and mate.
About the only thing that went wrong on this little venture would be the fact that I was kinda hungover from drinking my dinner the night before. Oh..and I accidentally bought dark chocolate peanut m&m's. Not a deal breaker mind you, but the Toast here prefers the classic ones. What can I say, I'm a man of tradition.
Now, the remainder of the weekend, aside from a rather responsible trip to the gym on Sunday morning, was spent logging some sweet sweet couch time. With the Giants game on at 8pm on Sunday, estimated of total couch time nearing the double digits and that's pretty impressive. I can't even estimate the amount of stress on those sweats though. Lord knows what is holding them together as they had to endure, not only a significant portion of Italian beef digestion, but also deal with the chicken enchiladas I made for movie marathon Saturday. Oooh...bad chicken...mess you up!
Fortunately I get to welcome Kool-Aid home this evening, only to give reasons to why Fort Awesome has this ever present funk kicking through its ever so awesome walls. It's like a combination of beef jerky, sulfur, and a dead bobcat. Unfortunately the pumpkin spiced candle on the coffee table didn't stand a chance. Hurts not so good I tells ya, hurts not so good.
All that being thrown at you I have no real end to this post so I shall take a small bow. Coming soon to Toastedblog, intriguing, hard hitting, and possibly relevant material. Till then, you'll have to filter through this crap.
Man, Alice in Chains was a good time in their day. There is something about Layne Staley's voice that just causes you to be intrigued. Combine that with a little bit of harmonizing with Jerry Cantrell, plus some of his ominous guitar, and you've got a band that was turning some serious tricks in the early 90's. It's just too bad Staley couldn't kick that nasty smack habit. Take that as a lesson kids. Only take what you can handle and ALWAYS know your dealer.
Anywho, lets get to the meat and potatoes of this thing. After a few months of postponement on my part, I am now, once again, officially living the proverbial dream, if by dream you mean rocking early 90's grunge while at work or the random zany oddball 80's tune on the way home from the gym. You see, a while back my I-Pod, which typically stores approximately 70 gigs of beats, had a little hiccup in its ability to work properly and thus all information was promptly deleted causing me to just load up what music I had stored on my laptop as I was at the office at the time of aforementioned hiccuping. What I was left with was about 10 gigs of tunes, some of the favorites I guess you can call them. Spinning the favorites, that was me.
Well, after a few months time, even the favorites can almost wear on you. I mean, I don't know about you, but I can never tire of the guitar solo in Pearl Jam's "Even Flow". That being said, you still just gotta branch out people. I shouldn't have to tell you this but there is a bit more out there than just Greatest Hits compilations. And, on cue, enter one of my most prized possessions, my portable hard drive. 320 Gigs loaded to the gills with sick beats, random shows, basically all of the music that I have collected over the past 15 years. If that thing ever goes in a fire, I'm toast. HA! Get it?! No, in all seriousness, if I lose that hard drive, I may very well drive into a bridge embankment.
So, where is all this going you may ask. Well, I finally took the time to reload my I-Pod with some new stuff; hence the Alice in Chains talk. Quite a bit to choose from, and unfortunately, still some more work to be done as I-Tunes is unable to convert some of these music files so this is going to require a bit of ripping albums to the program itself. Looks like someone has a project for the weekend. JACKPOT!! Hours spent with nonsense in front of a computer, that doesn't sound familiar at all.
Its gonna be sooo worth it though. If it is any close to the enjoyment that I'm getting out of Dirt then I'm going to rock the shit out of it!! I've got quite the mix of albums lined up for my work day today. Obviously we started with some well deserved AIC and its only going to get more random, yet awesome, from here. We've got Nirvana's Bleach, a whole mess of early Chili Peppers, and Badmotorfinger by Soundgarden to get to. And that's only the morning. Wait till the afternoon when we "wind down" with all the Jethro Tull you can handle. Oh man, I can't wait for "Minstrel in the Gallery". Sometimes I wish I worked at a radio station; I would have made a hell of a DJ.
Pretty simple today Toastedblog faithful, get out there and vote today. Toast here has been screwed in the past by announcing where his support may lie so this year I've kept my opinions to myself, no matter whom I may be backing (Obama). Gotta let you all alone to figure it out for yourselves. Now, pretty much the only thing left to decide is whether to go with a Chicago style or thin crust. Hmm...that's a riddle wrapped in an enigma if I ever saw one. Good luck at the polls people!!
"Don't tone it down too much, you're gonna want that cowbell on this track."
Oh...hello. Didn't see you walk in there. So, how we doin' Toastedblog faithful?? It seems we've been a bit out of touch here of late. I know, I know, it's predominantly my fault but when you're livin' for the city, life seems to zoom by, often out of control. Take these scenarios for minute. A lil' bit of the recent what up and highlights in the life of, yours truly, Mayor McToast. I'm not promising much, but what you read is true. We'll catch up with you soon, for realsies. Right now, I'm pooped.
"How Bout 'Dem Cowboys?!"
Yesterday the Toast, with Kool-Aid in tow, trekked up ol' NY way for the Giants vs. Cowboys game. Highlights include, delicious sandwich, some beers, meeting up with Pa Cregg and a few of his buddies, some guy falling off one of those motorized ride-on coolers. Oh, and the Cowboys getting trounced by the Giants defense. Oh Mama is right!!
More important was the fact that I was actually at the game. We had a bit of a close call in the ticket acquisition portion of this particular Giants game. My Uncle, who resides in Buffalo, NY and holds the family's season tickets had sent them next day air on Thursday to Fort Awesome (Alexandria, VA). Well, apparently to our friends at FedEX, next day air means not showing up till Monday. This is actually an assumption as tickets still are not in my possession and I am giving them the benefit of the doubt that they will arrive today; 3 full days after they were supposed to. Some fancy footwork made this dream a reality though. Kudos to the NY Giants Ticket Box Office and Uncle Bob for getting on the horn on Saturday and allowing me not to waste $200. Congrats, you should all be quite proud to recieve the Avis "We Try Harder" award. At Avis, where we try harder.
"You know what? SPRINTS!!"
Below is a picture of the Toast at Halloween last year. Why am I showing you a picture of a Halloween costume from a full calender year ago?? Because my dream of being Johnny Mac this year never came to fruition due to lack of white short shorts searching and thus was left this most recent Halloween to re-live the dream that was, the High School Gym Coach. Note the gut internet audience, that's four pillowcases and a t-shirt or two hard at work there.
*Key sidenote*: this costume won the Toast third place in his Annual At-Work Halloween Costume Contest. Third prize was that I was just given another beer. You know what.....I have no problem with that. Special congrats to Kool-Aid as well, who makes her official Toastedblog debut, in a little skirt and neckerchief no less. Quite provocative Kool-Aid, quite indeed. Something tells me that with a quick blow from my whistle I should be making her do a few squat-thrusts, OW!!
"Just like my main man, GW."
On Saturday Kool-Aid and I spent the day hiking some trail a number of miles that leads to nearby Mount Vernon, VA. Not much to add here, I just wanted you to know that I spent some on my weekend time taking in some well deserved history of one of America's founding fathers and our country's first president. Plus, that G.D. estate has quite the view...and it's own distillery. Yowzers!!
There's been other stuff but to be all honest my brain isn't working so well as there was a ton of time spent behind the wheel of a Passat going back and forth to the NYC yesterday, leaving early yesterday and arriving home at Fort Awesome quite late last night. You'll hear about all the madcap hilarity from someone, trust me.
I am glad to say that I live in a city that is basically just a collective grouping of fucktards looking to one-up each other. Unfortunately, when Kool-Aid and I moved down here, this little nugget of information was not in the brochure.
The district is full of some of the more pretentious folk that I have ever encountered. Everyone here has their own agenda and if you are not a part of it, or the sort that wears a fucking blazer on the weekend, well, you best look the fuck out cause that guy has some serious shit to get to and your courteous and all around pleasant demeanor certainly isn't helping. Dammit, I knew something was amiss when I saw so many scarfs being worn in the springtime; I....I just couldn't react.
The Toast was at a party this weekend and the following was uttered to me by collective bags of douche upon my meeting some apparent friends of friends:
"I like the lumberjack look bro."
I was wearing a flannel, nothing more, nothing less. I don't have a beard, nor an axe. No blue ox named Blue or a hat with the flaps to keep my ears warm. I just was wearing a flannel, with a Who t-shirt underneath it. Not even the classic red and black patterned flannel that one would associate with a lumberjack. Perhaps it should have been tucked in, or ironed?? Who knows really? What I want to figure out is, why is this out of the ordinary here??
What I've come to wonder is this, am I the only one who likes to be comfortable? I like to ROCK a bit so I know what I'm doing day to day, but simply put, I really don't care how I am dressed when I go out. I mean, I have a sense of style, but it is my own. I am not walking to the beat of someone else's drum and that is what I get from so many people here. They are so worked up on appearances that it is all they think about. I HAVE to get in to the best club. I HAVE to fucking dress to the nines all of the time, even at a random house party. I HAVE to wear my $200 jeans and they HAVE to be ironed when I do so. Better yet, I HAVE to wear the ones that have the strategically placed rips and imperfections. My jeans only start ripping away from hard work or the stress at the seams from all this ass.
I guess this is what I get for living in a city where so many people are chasing the dream, being a fucking ignorant pre-madonna whose shit don't stink with a wad of cash and a lexus hybrid. I mean, I recently saw a kid, had to be fresh out of college, walking down the street on a Friday night with his ladyfriend, smoking a pipe. WTF?? The kid looked like Sherlock Holmes. Where the fuck am I??? I mean, really, where am I??
On that note, I gotta run. I think my blackberry is ringing.
This weekend, Kool-Aid and I are throwing a party. Nothing too out of control. The theme you ask?? Simply put it's "Just Get Drunk". As you can see, we're REAL into planning.
In all seriousness, it shouldn't be too crazy. Just invited a few people over to good 'ol "Fort Awesome" for some random debauchery, beer pong, and general all around high fivin' good times. My contribution to this whole fiasco is not only fixin' this proverbial big rig up with some hard-core eats but also some hard-core beats to boot. As we speak the Toast cooking up some good ideas in the head and planning on dishing out his mean chili and some of dem bar-b-que hot wings this guy is always thinking about making. As for the spinning of the favorites, we're still working on that. Some may ask, Toast, how do you go about picking tunes that fit everyone's bill?? Well, it's pretty simple really; anything I damn well want to play, well that will be on it. BOOM!
And in case anyone was wondering where today's title comes from, why don't you take yourself a ganders at what's below. "Thank's for the sour persimmons, cousin."
The Toast rose up and kicked a little ass with some presentations the past two days here at office, and that got me thinking, what else kicks ass?? Besides myself, and biscuits of course. Can you tell that this post is quite the stretch?? That's what happens when you be a bit busy. Anywho, enjoy...if you dare.
- fried stuff with cheese; mozzarella sticks, I'm looking at you here. - throwin' the ball around - gravy boats - "Easy Company", that's the 101st Airborne son!! Band of Brothers is the SHIT!! - tigers at the zoo - rockin' a flannel - leftover Oreo cake that your girlfriend made for her family's visit. - Labatt Blue brought from back home - Wegmans - Empire Apples - any scene from The Big Lebowski, extra kickass if it features Walter - Pearl Jam: Live from Lollapalooza '07 - blasting a dookie at work; you feel better, you get paid for it, you pretty much can't lose!! - staying connected with friends, even if its just drunken text messaging during a Sox loss - "The Rum Diary" - making the decision to go ahead with that second Italian Beef sandwich - lightsaber fights - Kool-Aid letting me watch multiple sporting events during the week - casual Fridays - Caddyshack Quotes - getting a dog and naming him Gary - owning an HD TV. this has not happened yet but I can totally imagine it being pretty kickass - Buddy Christ - margaritas - Brandon Jacobs, man does he truck people - speaking of truck, having a name like Chuck Wallace so people can call you Chuck "The Truck" Wallace and you can make hand motions like you are pulling on the horn of a big rig...sweet. - livin' the dream - Obi-Wan Kenobi - Jason Bourne - chili - wicked wristers - The Clash - Hobbes - not giving a good god damn - Trot - watching the Muppets - when you have your I-Pod on random and it plays a heap 0' awesome beats in a row - moon roofs - a sandwich party, I only know of one that actually existed but it was one of the single most awesome experiences of my life - my bed - 30 Rock, new season starts on Thursday night bitches!! - "Jungle Love", by Morris Day and Jerome, the muthafuckn' TIME! - Magic Hat's new seasonal Jynx, it's an English Ale, perfect for the fall and to get that hop in your step for the evening a bit earlier than normal - driving fast and taking chances - designer fashions at discount prices, if I have to be at a mall, I might as well save some hard earned cash - "Eulogy" by Tool - finding a curly fry in with your regulars - hip checks - Aragorn - going skiing at Stowe in January - BBQ sauce - half days - Ghostbusters - Cheesesteaks from Pat's - Elizabeth Banks
- a good play action fake - yellow corn tortilla chips - the Worthington Law - a couple days off - root beers - regular beers - "Rebubula" by moe - mushroom swiss burgers - dancing like you just don't care - windows down on a nice afternoon while rocking some beats - watching Seinfeld for the first time in a few years - playoff baseball - weekends in the fall - chipwiches
Okay, okay, okay, okay; you can see where we're heading here. Me thinks it is time that I get to work. Feel free to add anything that I missed.
Ok, so much for not trying to remark on Game 5. I am sitting here and while I have been productive at the office today, which is kinda a miracle seeing as how I just got loaded watching the Sox last night, all I seem to be doing with my down time is checking out responses to last night's game. Everytime I think of CoCo Crisp's 10 pitch at bat that tied up the game, I get this funny feeling that just waves over me.
That being said there is something eerily familiar about this upcoming Game 6. An injured ace who is a bit of a blowhard and probably shouldn't be pitching is out looking to make amends from getting absolutely destroyed in an earlier start in the series, and finds himself starting a crucial and pivotal Game 6 in the opponent's home park. Hmmmm...where have I seen that before??
Instead of writing a little something about the Game 5 of the ALCS like everyone else, I decided to take a different path for this morning's daily nonsense.
"The Foot Fist Way" is a movie that I picked up the other day that has been recommended to me a while back by a very good friend of mine, this guy.
"The Foot Fist Way" is also the movie that I was set to fire up in the ol' DVD player during the top of the 7th inning as the Rays went up 7-0 and couldn't watch my team get absolutely destroyed again.
"The Foot Fist Way" would have been the movie that I was watching instead of the Sox un-FUCKIN'-believable comeback starting with 2 outs in the 7th finally culminating with J.D. Drew's game winning single in the 9th.
"The Foot Fist Way" is just going to have to wait for another day as the Sox are heading to the Trop for Game 6. Movie still looks fucking HI-larious though.
I still don't believe what I saw last night. As my buddy Willie Moe texted me last night: "Why can't they ever do anything the easy way?"
This is what I've been dealing with the past few days.
Saturday Night: Tampa Bay Rays 9 - Boston Red Sox 8
Monday Afternoon: Tampa Bay Rays 9 - Boston Red Sox 1
Monday Night: Cleveland Browns 35 - NY Giants 14
Last Night: Tampa Bay Rays 13 - Boston Red Sox 4
The top of the 6th inning of last night's game was my breaking point. The Rays were amidst a 5 run inning and Boston was playing like a collective ball of fuck out there. With my teams collectively being outscored 66-27 over the course of four days, I couldn't take it anymore. With my anger rising and rising, I went out and did the logical thing; I began searching for solace.
Solace founded. I lucked into a little something on one of my 873 pay channels. Ahh...Comcast, you finally proving your worth. So, for some odd reason I love the movie "The Cable Guy". There is just something about it that puts a little extra bounce in my step. Some may think that the film is awful and Jim Carrey should probably go ahead and apologize for it. For shame!! You bitches need to open up your eyes. Truth be told, I think its my favorite movie that he's done; that or "Eternal Sunshine". Most likely it's "Eternal Sunshine". But nevertheless, it's a G.D. classic and deserves your utmost respect.
I pretty much think its the lisp that Chip Douglas (Carrey's character) has that sends me through the roof. That and the entire scene in Medieval Times. Being 16 when the movie came out, my younger brother Cory and I used to reenact that scene endlessly, especially the dialogue when Jim Carrey and Matthew Broderick are battling each other as knights. Ever since that move I have been DYING to go to Medieval Times. Kool-Aid promised that we would go there on my birthday, as one is located in nearby Baltimore, MD. How convenient that we happened to be out of town on my birthday and still, to this very day, that promise has not been fulfilled. You lied to me.
Ok, I am getting off track. You readers should know that this is very common. The main point of this post is that when I woke up this morning, I wasn't so terribly bitter and visibly as pissed off as I would have/should be. All I can think about is Chip Douglas' warm up before he plays basketball, Carrey's lisp, and this one line which I will close out with; a line my buddy Matt used to say all the time and hearing it live got me laughing it out loud. Until then, fucking Red Sox better come out to play on Thursday and the Giants loss was bound to happen, you can't win all the time. Just don't let it happen again boys. Then I'll really start getting upset. And. here. we. go.
Chip: "Yeah I was taking a shower and I heard the phone ring, has that ever happened to you? Call me back later, we'll talk about it"
Call me back later, we'll talk about it. heeheeheehahahahAHAHAHAAHAA!
I subscribe to Men's Health. I do this in effort to keep myself looking like an Adonis, or at least like his slightly out of shape older brother who just can't seem to shake that nasty chicken wing habit. Whatever, that's not the point.
Why am I telling you this?? Well, this morning I find an email from the Men's Health website which caught me a bit off guard. Now, it's not odd for me to find an email from their site in my inbox as I do get little tips and hints from them on a daily basis. Whether they are offering suggestions in ways to lower your girlfriend's inhibitions in the sack (check and mate Men's Health), informing me in ways to achieve that highly coveted V-torso, or letting this guy know that the muscle that woman are most likely to notice is the one between my ears, these emails find their way to me. Some I take heed, some I ignore, and then there are the ones that are just "mind bottling". "Yeah. You know when things are so crazy, you get your thoughts trapped, like in a bottle." Case in point, "The Secret Power of Your Balls". Better start pricing those replacement bike seats and buying organic fellas; only good things can happen.
I don't even know how to respond. Once again, for the cheap seats, "mind bottling". On that note, I think it's time to start researching some of these sure fire better sex bedroom tactics. It's almost like I'm going to war, what with the strategies, tactics, and what-not. I am the general, she is the enemy. This can't miss.
In about 15 minutes I am set to attempt a straight dead sprint to the passat, put it in drive, and trek the 20 mile journey home to miss as little as possible of Game 3 between the Sawx and Tampa, opening pitch is slated for 4:37 pm. Hopefully this game isn't the 5 1/2 hr plus extra inning affair (and Red Sox loss) that this past Saturday brought to us as the Giants are also on Monday Night Football tonight, taking on the mighty Cleveland Browns. Thank God I'm a good boyfriend cause the next few hours for the Toast, well, they're going to be off..the hook. To quote good pal Uncle Jitter "we're not gonna live to see midnight."
With little or no sports on a few days ago and with the Toast still nursing somewhat of a cold due to my white water rafting while sick last weekend I decided to go ahead and rent a few movies for my at home in jammies enjoyment. One in particular that I was kinda excited to break into was the new Shyamalan flick "The Happening" as the Toast here can get carried away with those creepy types and I'm a bit of a Shyamalan fan. This one here though....eh...it's not so good.
Now, while I'm not saying pump the breaks when you think about picking it up, what I AM saying is that Shyamalan better wow me with something right quick. He seems to be filled with clever ideas and the first half of "The Happening" was pretty kick ass. It's just the finished product that sort of lets you down and it has been this way with me over the course of his last few films.
It used to be that if I didn't see a Shyamalan film in theatres I would go out and buy it once it became available on the DVD. After I bought "Lady in the Water" without watching it I vowed to never make that mistake again. I am certainly glad I did not do that with this latest one. But I'll let you all be the judge of it as I certainly won't discredit the film or go well out of my way in preventing you all from watching it. Hell, I mean I even liked it myself; it just needs a bit more and hopefully Shyamalan is beginning to see why. Fucking "The Sixth Sense", "Signs", and "Unbreakable" were pretty kick ass though. Even "The Village" was damn sweet (I really liked it even though you know the proverbial Shyamalan twist right off the bat). I'd love to his films go back to that kind of quality.
Ooh ooh..and rent "Forgetting Sarah Marshall". It ended up being a good flick plus it gave me a completely different take on Mila Kunis. Dang Dang!!
The first thing that I read on the sports ticker when I finally sit down at home on the couch and turn on ESPN News is that Mike Timlin has been added to the Red Sox's ALCS roster. (Enthusiastically sarcastic smile and thumbs up) Man..that's great news!!
It's back baby, the NHL is back!!! Tonight the NHL regular season triumphanly returns and the Toast here is happier than the proverbial pig in shit. Better yet, my squad, the Boston Bruins, well they are set to be on TV tonight. Say it with me now folks, the fucking jackpot right?!?!
Though the Toast is a big time hockey fan, the NHL kinda got recharged with me last year as the Bruins finally decided to win a few here and there as they made the playoffs for the first time in a few years; even pushing the No. 1 seed in the East, les Habitants, to the 7th game in the opening round. Considering all of the injuries that the team had and their record against the Canadians last regular season, last years pseudo playoff run is quite the feat in the eyes of us Bruins fans.
More important is the fact that the Toast, who hasn't had a favorite NHL player since the fitting retirement of previous fav following his long awaited Stanley Cup victory in 2001, has hopped on board with this Milan Lucic fella. That kid Lucic better get to ride to the vet quick cause his pythons are SIIICK!! Man...if only I were 6'4", 220. Damn that'd be pretty G.D. awesome. I'd be gettin'. shit. done. Stupid 5'11", what have you done for me lately?? Sure I can reach those paper towels at the top of the pantry but do I have an NHL career?? Yeah, where were you then?? Look at him, especially at the 23 second mark. He's off the fucking chain!!! A beast I tells ya!! A fucking beast!!
If it's in your power please decide to come back to the East Cost, preferably the Northern VA/Washington DC area, you know, just to do a couple shows. I have recently come in possession of a live show from back in April '07 that was done at a local venue here in the District called the 9:30 Club that was made available through NPR and by god is that a damn fine beat you boys are producing.
Now, your studio stuff is something I have enjoyed for a while and word on the street was that your music should be experienced live because, well for lack of a better term, your shows were just that bad ass. After giving this show the once over I have found myself repeatedly going back to soak it in, and this is from a guy that is out there takin' it to the streets; a man about town who's busy driving fast and taking chances who often doesn't have the time to sit around and listen to two and a half hour concerts with multiple sets.
In this instance however, I have made the time. Now, all that I am asking is that you make the time, just like I have, to stop by and maybe just hit me up for a little bit. I didn't live down in D.C. back in April of '07 and to be honest, it'd be pretty sweet if you would. I realize that you all probably have families and you're away from your homes across the pond in Ireland but I have a family too and my girlfriend is currently none to happy with me, due to a slight misapplication of my time (Oh, don't worry, this one has nothing to do with you, it's all me). Think of what will happen if I continue to devote so much of my time your way. Loss of job?? Loss of significant other?? Drop 20 lbs and wake up three months later to find that I am working in a record store?? Hmm, that last one wouldn't be so bad, at least the record store part, but let's make it 10 lbs, I'm pretty happy with my current frame.
Ok, now I am starting to miss the mark. Anywho, I end now just reinstating how much I would enjoy it if you were to drop by the East Coast here in the states, just for a little while. I'm sure quite a few others would appreciate it to boot as I am telling all the "real" music fans that I encounter about you fellas. Besides, I think there are others that are just like me as well, huge fans of a little known band state side that both love a good show and a fucking damn good time. Just think about it is all.
Amidst my fall season of conquest and outdoor awesomeness comes a scheduled trip to good ol' West Virginia backcountry as the Toast is about to leave the cozy confines of his office here in the District for a weekend in the water and the woods. That's right folks, this kid and his Kool-Aid are off to Fayetteville, WV to do some camping and white water rafting.
Toast here has some experience in the water, but mostly either water skiing or a few kayaking journeys. Rapids are something I'm kinda green on. Good news is that I woke up with the beginnings of a cold so that should greatly enhance the outdoor sleeping. Even better news is chances of pictures posted on this blog of me without a shirt and wearing a helmet are at an all time high. Ladies...I'll give you a moment to compose yourselves.
It's about a 5 hour drive to our destination and nothing really screams camping in the middle of nowhere like a Volkswagen Passat with a loaded trunk. Just make sure to watch the leather, those seats aren't scratch proof you know.
Normally I'm one for fall with it's changing foliage, cooler weather so I can rock me some flannels, and it's heightening my chili making desire but so far this whole fall thing is for the birds. I mean, it's actually getting colder outside and I'm still all hip on this wearing short pants thing. Sun not up when I get out of bed and by the time I get back from the gym, darkness encompasses all around me. Not only that but local Virginia weather of late has largely consisted of rain and for some reason my landlord has decided not to heed cries for help as my library/den/smaller backroom that is chock full of bookcases and the computer desk has sprung some sort of leak and water is dripping from the ceiling above one of the windows. What a lousy white knight in shining army this guy makes. Top it all of with my back continuing to ache something fierce and you've got a not so happy camper on your hands.
Arggh!! And now the piece de resistance, I have just been informed that my cellular phone provider is set to increase the amount I am charged per text message. In this struggling economy?!?! I mean, I fucking spent ten dollars on about a dozen apples the other day at the grocery store. I know this phone thing is a minute detail, but sometimes it's the little things that cause folks to snap.
Sigh...but you must deal and the Toast, well he continues to press on. It's time to take it to the streets people!! And by streets, I mean, find activities to engage in that take your mind off what ails ya. So, my back is making me walk around like an old man, causes me to stink of icy hot and forces me to stick a heating pad in the waist of my jammies to ease the tension. Well, baby it's time to find the good in the bad. Since you're not going to be out there livin' this afternoon due to this whole back issue, playoff baseball shall be your saviour and its about to hit up your evening programming. What's that, your Kool-Aid is out playing volleyball tonight. Hot Damn, no need to worry about her entertainment needs so saddle up with some nachos and watch some ball big guy.
Raining in Virginia you say. Well get your ass outta dodge and head west young man. West Virginia that is as this coming weekend you're going to do a spot of camping and whitewater rafting, with the rapids and such. Man...I love me some outdoor, over the fire cookin'.
And what happens when you get back Toast?? Well, the fucking Giants are on as the fall is time for football and your team is presently undefeated. No need to worry about that trouble making bye week as you've already endured that hell. Early season bye week never tasted so good. Speaking of tasting good, why don't you make some of that FINE cuisine that you're always talking about. Fall is damn perfect for that shit.
Now that I think about it, I've been down for no reason. I mean, its October, big deal. With October you get the aforementioned playoff baseball and something I haven't even hinted at, the wonderful eating and drinking that only Oktoberfests can provide. You know who probably likes Oktoberfest...Kool-Aid. More importantly, she'll probably just like the weekend afternoon spent with her boy toy in the out of doors. You know, looking at liederhosen, brats, sauerkraut, beer steins and other shit that those kooky Germans are in to. Not only that, the NHL season starting up and we all know how the Toast loves his hockey. I may even try to get all up on the Caps this year. Who knows??
I've been going about this whole thing all wrong. Now I've just caught wind that Phish is reuniting. And they're playing in Virginia come March '09. Fuck and Yes. Perhaps it was just the last few days of September that got this kid kinda down. Not wanting to let go of summer I guess and the year still just flying by. Hell, this realization has already put an extra hop in my step. Not too much mind you, I still have this whole back thing to worry about. Now, I have no way to end this so I shall take a small bow. We'll catch you on the flip flop Internet friends. Stay loose!
Well ladies and gentlemen, kids of all ages and you daffy senior citizens, the Toast here is about to jet off to good ol' Plano, TX for a few days of work related debauchery; i.e. to learn some folks good about what it is exactly that I do here. Ah..Texas, the Sunshine State..GORGEOUS!! Updates from the road to come. Haven't decided if I'm going to do a running diary of the haps of this work trip or if I'll just stick with the ever impressive Plan B, which is to take down enough TexMex to choke a donkey; post work of course. Nevertheless, I'm going to have some time to kill and the idea of sitting in a hotel room from the hours of 7pm-sleepy time does not get my dander up in the least.
Currently I am making a sweet I-Pod mix for my time in the air and layover in Hot-lanta. Eh...we'll see how it turns out. I'm fore-seeing a lot of John Lennon, Neil Young, and some oddball Clash; been on a kick lately. That being said, Toast OUT!! Let me know if you want me to bring you anything back. Chili recipes and doofy cowboy gear, I'm looking at you here. Later boners.
