"oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god."

it's lookin' pretty good right??

Toastmaster General's "News of the Weird"

sorry, this was just something that I felt should be shared. upon entering the "georgetown" area of the district on my way to workies this morning I happened to hit one of the many red lights and boy did I stop accordingly. now, this may strike many of you "road travelers" as normal and believe you me this is no way out of the ordinary. but, what happens next will astound you.

like many others on the streets, when stopping at a red light I have a tendency to look around at the many other cars on the road and the individuals behind their respective wheels. as I looked over to the maroon toyota corolla that pulled up on my left I was left struck by what can properly be defined as AWE. a man in this mid forties complete with glasses and pony tail was driving a fuel efficient compact car. oh yeah...he was also playing the trumpet. WHAT?!?! this is a high traffic area, a morning commute; trumpet?!?!? he wasn't just throwing a few toots out there either, I mean he was going to town with that thing, mutha fuckin' Dizzy Gillespie style!!

I began to ponder as I sat there throughout the course of the red light, why this certain individual would be playing the trumpet behind the wheel of an automobile?? the only conclusion that I could reach that had nothing to do with him being absolutely insane or being late for marching band practice was that this feller was..in fact..perfecting his "hail to the redskins" performance. I mean, we are in DC. just have to say, do that at home post-work or on your lunch break buddy. you are probably receiving undeserved ridicule from assorted goofy irish bloggers. goofy irish bloggers that ROCK!

**toast starts singing the lyrics and guitar parts to "aenima" by tool**

"here comes yucky yucky, your special "get well" spoon; so swallow, swallow, swallow, and you'll feel better soon."

I'm not really sure what it is but whenever I am to experience the onset of even the least harmful of illnesses I turn into a quivering child. I am no longer a man, but a 8 year old boy who longs to be taken care of, especially with the assistance of a special friend. no matter what I do, whenever I begin to feel ill, all mantasticalness of the toast ceases to exist and what is left is the person who drove into work today, a shell of my normal, powerful and colorful self. all that I can think about is going home and lying down amidst a sea of blankets until whatever I have in me has run its course. but that's the thing, we're just talking about a little battle with the flu...if its that.

right about the time I was calling it quits last night I began to notice, however slight, an inkling of illness in the foreseeable future. I woke up this morning to whining flu pangs and sore throatiness that might cause a grade schooler to stay home but full grown thunder mcawesome who eats chumps for breakfast, this wouldn't keep him down. ahh...but you didn't know about my weakness did you, the common cold. it sends me whimpering off in search of blankeys and jammy jams. soups and oj. ladies and gentlemen, I have found my kryptonite. even though we caseys have a tremendous thresh-hold for pain and suffering, the slightest illness takes me down...takes me down to chinatown. currently I am still at my office trying my best but I don't see this lasting too much longer, at least not today. by the way, I am pretty sure that I took cold medicine meant for the pm; I haven't felt this drunk at work since that morning I had all of those beers on my drive in.

"Science and Industry! See big men sticking screwdrivers into things - turning them - AND ADJUSTING THEM!"

guess where I am and what I'm up to. go ahead, guess. I'll wait. well, with a little bit of techie work and a touch of luck, I am sitting here in full and relaxed comfort on the couch in me jammie jams typing away on the internet. that's right!!! someone just done installed a wireless router; JACKPOT!!! now, the internet browsing world is all mines. well....it wasn't really my doing....but it's installed nonetheless. WHOOP WHOOP!

"Jigsaw falling into place, There is nothing to explain."

well, all knew it had to be done but yesterday I went ahead and ordered tickets for radiohead as they're hitting us up here in Northern Virginia in about three months. only problem is that it wasn't as easy as originally anticipated. now, I have known about this show since they announced U.S. tour dates about a week or so ago. I happened to notice that they were playing an outdoor venue and with lawn seats most likely being the way of the toast here I really wasn't in that great of a rush to go online and start ordering away. besides, I had to go about checking to see if any of the toasted faithful would be interested in buying the ticket and taking the ride.

turns out I ended up making a tiny little mistake in my assumption. as I hit up ticketmaster's website to order away I ran into more than my fair share of problems. after giving it a few go's with no luck I decided to call up the nissan amphitheater's box office only to find out from the lovely rachel that the venue had indeed been sold out. the toast was not havin' this shit and shant not be letting an opportunity to see radiohead pass him by. especially in his own backyard.

**quick sidenote, radiohead is the fuckin' best live show I have ever attended, and this is coming from a pearl jam diehard who has also been to his fair share of drug enhanced phish and moe. shows, which are a hell of a time might I add. saw them in madison square garden a few years back, we're talkin' wicked awesome here.**

so what was the next turn?? where to go?? what to do?? back down?? give up?? hurl my laptop passing by co-workers?? fortunately, I did the next best thing. what is that you ask, a little thing I like to call.......third party vendors. jackpot!! needing three tickets, I began to use my head and looked sites like ebay and craigslist where I found a number of vendors, your "stubhub's" and "ticketturbo's" and after a wee bit o' searching found pack of four lawn seats at about 79 bones a piece. clocking in at just under twice the face of the $41 lawn seat it's a tad more than I wanted to spend but still beats what a few craigslisters were asking. one guy wanted $350 for a pair of tix, granted they were pavilion seats, but 350 dollars, you must be outta your goddamn mind!!!

after all was said and the $45 service fee was done, a four spot of lawn seats ran me about $375. wasn't terribly excited about the fact that I had to front some beefy cash for these seats but as my friend rose said, "I'll gladly take the hit in stride." basically, with opportunities to see one of my favorite bands already a rarity, the decision was a no brainer. needless to say, ever since tix were purchased yesterday I've been way too excited for a show that is still 79 days away. wait....that's how much I paid for seats. weird.

check this shit out!!


"jigsaw falling into place"


"bodysnatchers"


and one of my faves off in/rainbows "reckoner"

"it's pumpkinninny!!!"

I don't care who you are but posted above is classic entertainment at it's absolute finest. let's just say "you'll catch the limit!" that guy knows what I'm talkin' about.

/points over to good buddy kyle for approval (obligatory steal from ksk)

"I just flew in from Orlando and boy are my arms tired!!"

HA!!!

sorry for lack of awesome story telling and witty takes on various products, media, and sports entertainment over the past few but I just got back from spending a good amount of time in florida for work. that being said, more knee slappin', high five havin', and rib ticklin' toastedblog to come. come get a taste!!!

**potential topics in the nearest of futures**

-condiment of the week talk: I like it. anything that has to do with "sweet baby ray's" this guy will be all about.

-toastie's methods of seduction: any of you guys out there want to hear about how you can really pull in some high class tail?? learn from the toast, his hours of movie quotes, pass out drinking mentality, and high falootin' no nonsense attitude will assist you in landing your own "kool-aid". ask liz-a-hotty 5000, ladies don't stand a chance with these proven methods you'll get from the toast.

-radiohead in northern virginia??: oh mama!!!

-toastmaster general updates: laziness at an all time low, productivity growing in leaps and bounds, a back in constant pain...this is beginning to sound like the toast joined a gym.

- a classy "black tie" dress code + high levels of intoxication + a gussied up and hotter than normal kool-aid = oooh...rugby banquet!! wait..there's more...toast also has priviledge of gettin' "fancy drunk" at kool-aid's work party. niice!!!

- fantasy baseball fever...CATCH IT!!!: fantasy baseball just a few weeks away, we'll keep you up to date with a toast draft journal and a quick "who's who" for this year. all the milton bradley, so taguchi, corey hart, and kenji jhojima coverage one could ever want.

Sweet...

I'm a star wars nerd...what can I say. so, when a star wars nerd comes across something like this, he is going to act accordingly. unfortunately...there is nothing that can be done about these actions so don't even bother.

It's phi slamma jamma runnin' stank all over it with rib-ticklin' jumps of double vanilla funk!

woeber's sandwich pal horseradish sauce is fucking delicious!! I like to mix it with barbeque sauce and dip my dino nuggets in it. I'm pretty sure that if old wet newspapers were smothered in this stuff I'd find a way to take them down and ask for seconds. you could hand me a dead sea lion cub and I wouldn't think twice about eating it if I had me some sandwich pal. I'll dip fries in it, I'll slather it on french toast. put it in tuna fish, why the hell not?!?! I've dumped it on burritos, asparagus, leftover stroganoff, onion rings, broccoli, and pizza. not gonna lie to you internet audience but I would gladly shove your grandmother down a flight of stairs if I were to be offered a turkey on rye with sandwich pal.

It's "no meat" Wednesday!!!

damn you ash wednesday!!!

- for forcing me to eat a tuna sammich on rye when I have six pounds of perfectly good pulled pork sitting in delicious BAR-be-que sauce at home in the fridge.

- your annually making me choose something that I love to give up for the next forty days. (the toast is giving up being lazy so he can get his ass back into rugby shape!!) don't you know I've become accustomed to lyin' around on the couch with a bag of peanut m&m's??

- once again you've come'a'signalin' the start of meatless fridays till easters.

- caused me to think of ideas on what to eat on these afternoons and evenings without all that delicious meat that's usually on the menu. I get by because I do as little thinking as possible. you think I appreciate this?!?!

- with you're makin' me feel bad that I don't have charcoal on my forehead!

"Now if you excuse me, they're putting me into something called...hero squad"

Over 36 hours later and I am still shocked at what I witnessed while watching the super bowl on sunday night. did that really happen?? did someone give my 12 miller lites the classic "over-roofy"?? is this all a sick joke played by those dastardly media folk??? really, what's the deal?? I mean...the pats...they were supposed to win...right??? they were perfection. they were the greatest team ever. this was set to be a bit of a cakewalk for them. the spread was close to two touchdowns, they couldn't possibly lose...could they?? well, to steal a quote from a certain fan: "the giants just shoved 17 points up your mass-pike!!!"

well, my monday morning was spent driving to work feeling all tingly and full of goosebumps as espn radio repeatedly played clips of radio broadcaster's commentary of "the play" only to be followed by the absolute eruption from the crowd in the background. this literally sent shivers down my spine as I hurriedly sped down george washington parkway en route to my office in bethesda. what did I do when I got there??? well I instantly started checking out as many internet sites as possible for post-game coverage, clips, and shots of the giants and their celebration. now...what did I do when I got home??? well, that's easy, went ahead and watched all of the sports analysis shows that I taped during the day to get further coverage. seems only natural, doesn't it??

all in all, I think I have seen "the play" about 128 times and it only gets better with every viewing. eli slipping out of the grasp of the pats' three down linemen, taking a moment to steady himself before he hurls the ball 40 yards until it is met by a leaping former su standout in david tyree, who at this point had caught more balls in this very super bowl than he had snagged all year, and then maintains possesion as he falls backwards with pats safety rodney harrison draped all over him. whether or not it is the best play in super bowl history, who really cares?? it still was one of the more amazing plays I have ever seen, and this guy has seen his fair share, in a variety of sports.

but you can't really say enough about eli and his performance over the past few weeks. from going to a quarterback known as a possible bust as the no. 1 overall pick to taking down the "greatest team in nfl history" in only a few weeks is quite a leap. I don't care who you're a fan of, what he did on sunday during the fourth quarter was reminiscent of the days of joe montana. for his play over the past few and the way he went about getting the giants their third super bowl title eli will never have to pay for a meal in nyc for the rest of his life.

to end this we have a what was said by giants owner John K. Mara on the team's triumph:

“It's the greatest victory in the history of the franchise, without question. I just want to say to all you Giants fans who have supported us for more than 30 years at Giants Stadium, for all those years in Yankee Stadium, and some of you even back to the Polo Grounds, this is for you.”

this will keep the toast chipper for quite some time. 2007-08 ny giants, so glad that I bought the ticket and took the ride.

Not gonna talk about it.

here we are a mere two days away from the super bowl and the toast has yet to throw out some witty commentary on the big game. I mean, the giants are in it for chrissakes! with all that media crap that goes on before the game the endless talk and anaylsis that keeps getting brought up, magnified and picked apart incessently, I am just unable to comment. fact is, all of it drives me fuckin' insane!! that's why there shouldn't be two weeks in between championship week and the super bowl. take note nfl, it makes the toast angry, you want to be the ones responsible for that?? no, I didn't think so.

but your team is in the big game and you're not even going to discuss what the possible outcome could be?? what could happen on the biggest stage in all of sports??? do eli and the giants have a chance against the unbeatable pats?? my response...no comment. just want to see a good game. thats all the analysis that you're going to get from this guy. not going to discuss plaxico's guarantee and I am certainly not going to bring up brady's boot, or now lack there of. not going to write about the sheer fucked up craziness of a 12 point spread or the versatility of the pats offense. going five wide or lining up with two tight ends and playing smash mouth...who gives a shit?? randy moss and his restraining order, the giants with the flu, the new eli, bill simmons slurping the pats and their "dream season" (by the way, the internet audience here may be quite glad that I can't really get to espn.com while at work as I would be throwing a shit stormin' temper tantrum if I could read what I imagine is inthis), how necessary it is for the front four of the giants to get pressure on brady, welker and faulk and their abilities to do their job, the giants being a better team overall without shockey and tiki. nope, no more super bowl talk here.

well I guess I can say something. lady toast has given me the go ahead to make a heap o' eats and have the fridge fully stocked with some beers as we're going to be having a few guests for the game. so far, rumor has it that there is going to be a variety of dips and apps brought by a few people (reuben dip, mmmm.....) and the toast is throwing together some top notch pulled pork and some drunken spicy pull and eat shrimp. ohh...so tasty. my digestive system is so screwed.

that's it, GO GIANTS!!!