"Get your patchouli stink outta my store!!"

It's no lie that one of my favorite movies of all time is "High Fidelity" and just the other day I finished reading up a copy of Nick Hornsby's novel that I recently purchased at the used book store down the street from me here in Old Town Alexandria. Well, in both book and movie our hero and main character, Rob Fleming (Gordon is his last name in the film), is the owner of a fledgling record store and to not only pass down time at work, but even time of hardship in his life, he makes top 5 lists covering a wide array of topics ranging from top 5 track one,side one singles to top 5 breakups, the latter of which pretty much becomes the plot.

As I reread the book over the next few days I couldn't help finding that I was unconsciously doing the same thing, that is, coming up with my own variety of top 5 lists and now I've decided to share with you folks. The deciding on my favorite songs part was one of the more difficult things that I have ever had to accomplish, and I graduated from private college. Keep in mind internet reader, the following are just opinion and should not be construed as fact. Also, some may end up as top 7's, just roll with it.

Top 5 Movies
- The Big Lebowski
- The Empire Strikes Back
- High Fidelity
- The Incredibles
- The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

Top 5 Bands
- Pearl Jam
- Radiohead
- Tool
- the Clash
- the Who


Pearl Jam, "Rearviewmirror"

Top 5 Singles
- "Rearviewmirror", Pearl Jam
- "Fake Plastic Trees", Radiohead
- "The Magnificient Seven", the Clash
- "So Watcha Want", the Beastie Boys
- "Queen Bitch", David Bowie


Bill Murray. FUCK and YES!!

Top 5 Singles (Tier Two)
- "Alive", Pearl Jam
- "Push It", Tool
- "Save it For Later", the English Beat
- "Rainbow Connection", Kermit the Frog
- "Rebubula", moe.

Top 5 TV Shows
- Arrested Development
- The Simpsons
- Seinfeld
- The Muppet Show
- Looney Tunes

Top 5 Guitar Solos
- "Alive", Mike McCready of Pearl Jam
- "Comfortably Numb", David Gilmour of Pink Floyd
- "Paranoid Android", Jonny Greenwood of Radiohead
- "Stash", Trey Anastasio of Phish / "Knights of Cydonia", Matt Bellamy of Muse
- "Third Eye", Adam Jones of Tool


Muse, "Knights of Cydonia"

Top 5 Sandwiches
- turkey on seeded rye
- philly cheese steak with peppers, onions, and mushrooms
- chipwich
- pulled pork sandwich
- plain ice cream sandwich. ate one with lunch in high school almost every day. delicious.

Top 5 ladies I'd want to console me following tragic Kool-Aid loss in bus crash
- Kate Beckinsale
- Jessica Alba
- Tina Fey
- circa mid 90's Meg Ryan
- Liz Phair


Hey!! Kool-Aid wears glasses sometimes too!!

Top 5 Guilty Pleasures
- peanut m&m's
- Huey Lewis and the News (closely followed by George Michael)
- "You've Got Mail"
- Chick Rock (i.e. Liz Phair, PJ Harvey, the Yeah,Yeah,Yeahs)
- dancing when just happy or intoxicated/car singing.


oh..and of course, a little David Lee Roth. I love when the fireworks go off, around the 3:36 mark.

Top 5 Sports Heroes
- Ray Bourque (favorite hockey player of all time)
- Cam Neely (went as far to model my style of play after him)
- Trot Nixon (the original Boston Dirt Dog)
- Mark Bavaro (Giants fans know what I'm talkin' about)
- Phil Simms (88.3 completion percentage in Super Bowl XXI)


Cam Neely

Top 5 Careers
- professional ice hockey player: fuck that'd be awesome. I'd be in great shape, making good bank, not as high profile as other atheletes, maybe even endorse a Canadian beer and we all know that Canadian beer is like moonshine. plus hockey is greatest sport out there.

- paleontologist: what can I say, I like me some dinosaurs.

- music journalist: I like to write, I like beats, why not get paid for both. but not reviewing and listening to the majority of crap out there today. be kinda like Rob in regards to this one.

- own either my own music or book store and having it be successful: Get to hang out and listen to my favorite tunes all day long and its something that I think I would be really good at. Let's face it, I'm a people person and I belong interacting with others. plus, I'd be working for myself and not someone else. oh...and this..suck it online purchasing!!

- own my own bar: see above...but with booze.

Garbage Day!

Quite possibly the finest scene in all of cinema.

400 Babies!!

The Bruins lost their series to Montreal last night and just wanted something to make me happy. This is starting to do the trick.

"So, my cologne is distilled from the bilge of Rupert Murdoch's yacht."

You want to learn somethin' about uncomfortable situations?? Let me hit you with this little scenario. It seems that I am on the daily cycle of going to the bathroom at about quarter after four every afternoon here at the office. Well that's all fine and dandy and everything but it seems that I'm not the only one that makes this standard procedure. Who else joins our hero in this daily practice, why it's our company president that also appears to be on this cycle (see ladies, our cycles can coincide as well). Not only that, he seems to be a bit of a talker at the urinal to boot! So, being already uncomfortable enough standing right next to a corporate big whig with my pants down, I now have to engage in simple pleasantries with him.

Now, I'm not too sure if he's just not that well versed in men's room protocol or if he never got the handbook but standard procedure for us dudes in the bathroom is to just look ahead and do our business...unless you're about 10 beers in and at "insert sporting event here". Then you can talk all you want on a variety of topics. The horrible third down pass that you saw. Why in the hell did they run three consecutive pass plays on the goal line?? Man, that Josh Beckett sure is hurlin' some serious heat tonight!! Did you see the rack that blonde in the beer line?? I can't believe I ate for the "cycle"!!

**Eating for the cycle consists of taking down the following at a Milwaukee Brewers game: hot dog, polish sausage, italian sausage, and bratwurst. I once experienced two friends not only accomplish this feat, but continued eating for a second cycle in one sitting. Unprecedented!!**

However, we are not at "insert sporting event here" and I am certainly not 10 beers in. This is not the time to bring up how my goes at training our new office in Cherry Hill, NJ went. I'm sorry buddy, I don't want to rain on your parade and I don't mean to come down on you. But it's just not my deal, talking in the men's room that is. I'd prefer to make all my bathroom runs at home base if I could. Although I don't seem to have a problem just taking a knee on the rugby pitch and pulling up the right leg of my shorts to take care of business. Ooh....did I take this subject too far??

Everything's all Highs and Lows; Peaks and Valleys.

Just decided to hit the readers up with the haps over the past few days. It's a whirlwind of activity I tells ya!! However, everything is not always gravy in the relm of the Toast. Ladies and gentlemen, the dang it's and their respective reverse dang it's in recent Toast activity; and vice versa.

Reverse Dang It: On Friday night, Kool-Aid and the Toast hit up the brand new Nationals Park for a game against the Braves. It's damn gorgeous outside with the weather all sunny and about 75 degrees. Hell...I even wear short pants with flippety flops.

Dang It'ed: Eating what was known as the half-smoke with the works. We're talking chili, onions, and mustard. Pile on some nachos and a few good time beers it makes for an interesting evening for those seated around you.



Reverse Dang It: Kool-Aid brings me a bucket of KFC to eat while watching the Bruins game on Saturday night as I'm too lazy and dead tired following a few rugby games earlier in the day.

Dang It'ed: Putting down an entire 10 piece bucket of chicken in two sittings. Trust me folks, this should not be attempted....at all costs.

Reverse Dang It: Aforementioned rugby games on Saturday.

Dang It'ed: It's fucking humid as hell outside and Toasts sometimes do not do well in the sun. Oh...and we lost our playoff game against Harrisburg. It was a good match though, just didn't get a few things to go our way. Plus, it seemed that they wanted it a bit more even though we had an advantage in numbers and appeared to be in better shape as they were huffing ang puffing about 20 minutes into the first half.

Reverse Dang It: Spending a Sunday with Kool-Aid where I go out and do my best to boost the economy singlehandedly by purchasing many various and completely random items. Well, I did need new rugby boots but what the hell is this tennis racket all about?!?!

Dang It'ed: Going with Kool-Aid to a shoe WAREHOUSE!! Sigh... Plus, I did not do as well as anticipated on my tax return. The "classic" unsweet haul. How's that tennis racket looking now?!?! Damn you's gubberment, damn you's all to hell!!

Reverse Dang It: The Toast getting all important like by traveling up to Jersey for workies for a few days and doing a a few presentations.

Dang It'ed: Waking up at 3:30AM to meet a few co-workers at my office in Bethesda at 5AM. Whomever green lighted this idea deserves a shovel to the face. While my presentation goes very well on Tuesday I run into a few troubles on my work trip. My hotel room gets no channels that carry any hockey games and Game 4 of the Bruins and Canadiens series is on. I am forced to walk down the street to a Bennigan's where I can only find Flyers coverage with limited Bruins highlights. (B's end up getting shutout 1-0 and are now down in the series 3-1). Wednesday starts with a bang as I do not get my 6AM wake up call and upon meeting my two co-workers in the lobby for breakfast I promptly spill two consecutive cups of coffee. Plus, all you toastedblog readers are forced to go two whole days without new material. That may be the biggest dang it of them all. However, reading this particular post is not doing well for the cause.

Well..there you have it. It's not a complete rundown of the recent days in the life of the Toast but I'm not spending any more time trying to be witty and creative as I seem to have nothing today. Besides....I can't give out all me secrets. Do me a favor though folks, root for the B's tonight. Maybe they can steal one in Montreal thus keeping hockey on the Toast's front burner for a while longer. Now...I have to get back to doin' stuff. Take 'er easy.

Hey!!! They Won One!!!

The Bruins, after dropping the first two games of the series in Montreal, decided to go ahead and win one last night taking Game 3 in overtime 2-1, and let me tell you toastedblog faithful, it was a fantastic game to watch. With limited time here this morning I can't really get into detail or anything, but Milan Lucic is pretty much the balls. Lucic gave Boston its first lead on the Habs all season early in the first period by taking a pass from Marc Savard in the slot and fired a wrist shot over the shoulder of Montreal goaltender Carey Price. Savard would also get the the game winner about halfway through the first overtime after he jumped off the bench as the extra attacker on a delayed Montreal penalty and hammered home a terrific cross-ice feed from defenseman Dennis Wideman. The Toast yelps with approval and Ooohh weeee...we've got ourselves a series.

I really can't say enough about the way Lucic played last night though. He was flying all night and hitting every Montreal player that was on the ice. And Thomas was outstanding for the second consecutive game stopping 27 shots from the high falootin' Canadiens.

What's more important is the fact that it is incredibly awesome feeling something more when watching playoff hockey. Its been a few years since I've had the pleasure of seeing the B's in the playoffs and I am thoroughly enjoying every minute; whether I have had to tape a game and watch it late night because of rugby practice or foregoing a night out on the town on Saturday so I can stay home with a few beers and watch the Bruins eventually lose in overtime, I am watchin' the SHIT out of this series!! Normally I am forced to watch games that have far less meaning to the Toast. Granted, they are still awesome, I mean...it is playoff hockey. All the forechecking, hitting, overtime games, are still there. Its just that I have to live vicariously through other people's teams and not my own. Well, not this year. At least for now I still have the Bruins to make up for all my shortcomings throughout my storied career in hockey.

**The Toast resumes his hockey playing late Wednesday night as summer hockey league begins; this time we'll hopefully be missing out on that highly coveted first round playoff exit, much like this past winter.**

Game 4 is set for Tuesday at 7pm and with a scheduled work trip to New Jersey coinciding with my strong desire to watch playoff hockey I am going to have to do my best to find a bar with the game tomorrow night. Clearly I would rather have this work trip at another time but I guess one must never underestimate the staggering drawing power of the Garden State. Damn Jersey with your making me wake up at 4am so I can be at the office at 5am to drive to you with two other co-workers. You've already made me iron dress shirts now I have to wake up before dawn. I wasn't aware that my alarm clock had a 4am!?!?! Mark my words Jersey..if you make me miss Game 4 there's going to be hell to pay.

"Ain't that a B"!

Today, my former college roommate, current best buddy, and everyone's favorite little crapper turns 29 years old. Happy Birthday Little Charlie Coville!! On the weekends, Charlie does stunts for Little Richard in gay movies.

Now get down here for Pearl Jam!!! As of tomorrow morning your ticket is waiting.

**By the way, I am going for best available so get ready for close up shots of McCready jammin'!!**


/starts singing guitar solo from "even flow"

....awesome.

There's a hole in the world like a great black pit and it's filled with people who are filled with shit! And the vermin of the world inhabit it!

A while back I cracked an egg o' knowledge on y'all about movie watching with the Toast and what I was attempting to accomplish may not have been a weekly drilling but more creating a type of post that was going to jump out and say hello from time to time. Unfortunately supporters of the Toast on the internet have been without my rather important random movie knowledge. You have no idea what to rent, what to see. How will you get by without the Toast and his "rent that shit" take on fine cinema?? The answer simply is...you can't. Just try to imagine what you're lives would be like without me. Awful isn't it??

I just have one question for you all; have you seen some of that shit that is out there?!?! The reason that this hasn't been flung on you my devoted internet faithful isn't due to a lack of trying. I mean, I'll watch me some movies, they really rev my engine, but some are just not worthy to grace Toastedblog. There just is a lot of shitty films out there. However, I should really explain that I have been weeding through the crap and checking out some decent flicks. They just happen to be those that don't get any burn here on the blog is all. Take note to the list below:

- I am Legend
- No Country For Old Men
- Michael Collins
- Elizabeth: The Golden Age
- The Darjeeling Limited
- Beowulf
- Sunshine
- Death at a Funeral
- American Gangster
- Pirates of the Carribbean: At World's End

What you read is a list of films that I went ahead and rented over the past, I don't know, few months. A few were decent (Sunshine, Funeral), some I had seen in theatres (Old Country, I'm talking about you here), some I wanted to see in theatres (Legend, Gangster, Darjeeling), and yet some were rented just to complete the trilogy (I couldn't even finish the third "Pirates" flick, it was that bad). I mean, as I had mentioned before in a previous post, I don't really take too many chances on bad cinema. Most often flicks will get at least a thumbs up from the Toast and those movies listed above aren't bad (once again, "Pirates" aside), they just don't have that certain special something. Except for "No Country", that movie was harsh. Yeah!

Now that doesn't mean that they'll get two very enthusiastic thumbs up from the Toast either. And that is why I am writing this very post you are reading. Or is it: "why I wrote the very post you are reading". Whatever, all I am trying to get across is that I did, in fact, recently catch a flick that gets the "highly coveted" two enthusiastic thumbs up stamp of approval from the Toast. What was that you ask?? Well, if you haven't deciphered the photo overhead I feel for you and your lack of awareness. IT WAS "SWEENEY TODD" DAMMIT!!

I found it hard to believe that Johnny Depp did not have any singing experience prior to this film, he's that good. I guess when you are an amazing talent stuff like singing comes naturally to you. Anyone who has caught the Toast's "electric" karoake version of "Don't be Cruel" by Bobby Brown knows exactly what I am talking about. Getting the movie down did require two takes as the first attempted viewing came on this past Saturday night following my day long rugby, drinking, and pulled pork binge but it is definitely worth a two hour sit down with some milk duds.

Since taking it all in I have found myself belting out tunes from this particular musical; just wandering around singing about "Mrs. Lovett's Meat Pies" and "Pirelli's Miracle Elixer" as I am out completing my day to day. Depp's performance aside, which I won't call brilliant but will label as hella fine, the rest of the cast put together for "Sweeney" is fantastic and very fitting for the film. As usual, Alan Rickman plays a villian as only Rickman can, snobby and elitist with, I don't want to call it a charm because one definitely doesn't find Judge Turpin "charming", but its definitely him and Helena Bonham Carter is terrific as Mrs. Lovett, complete with a fine array of heaving bosom shots. Throw in Sacha Baron Cohen, albeit his part in the film is small, and you've got something working here. And they sing...well!!! Who knew??

The movie is dark, creepy, sweet, savvy, humorous, intense, and just a damn fine time. If a musical is getting this kind of take from the Toast you know it's good, as if it had "real bits of panther in it". To give it a two word review, one could call it dazzling disturbing. Just go ahead and rent it, you'll see for yourself.


**Quick Sidenote**

I really liked the song "By the Sea". Johnny Depp's body language throughout the whole tune is priceless.

*DING* Fries are Up!!

It should be no surprise to those close to the Toast that he is, what they call, fair skinned. To make matters like a hundred times worse, I don't totally get the concept of "sun screen". So, with a few rugby games this past Saturday I went ahead in doing my best to keep up with my nice Irish white boy image and decided to don a sunburn to take down all the lesser and weaker sunburns in it's path. Take that common sense!!!

So we have a Toast already walking around a little haggard and bit banged up following two hard hitting rugby games. Add what seems to be like a fifth degree sunburn to the mix you'd think I was on the verge of a certain and very painful death. All aboard the wicked pain train!! The thing that's killing me is that it probably wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't such a complete fucking baby about it. You should see me whining as I struggle to do even the most simple of tasks.

- Putting on a shirt: "Oooh....it scrapes my sweet, but tender, arms."

- Taking a shower: "I no wanna go in there, the steam causes it to sting."

- The intimate times: "Ah....can you move to the right, you're on my sunbuh....AHHH...you just caught it with your fingernails."

- Shaving: "Are you fucking kidding me?!?!? I'm still two days away from trying that shit!!"

Realistically we're looking at your classic farmer's tan with a sprinkle of flare as rugby shorts don't offer "traditional coverage". Let's just say that short shorts and high socks make for interesting burn lines. And I look like a fucking idiot at work today. I haven't really shaved since Friday morning, I'm completely red face, aside from the peeling skin I have in certain spots, and I'm itchy. You'd have thought I was going through some withdrawals here; and who's to say that I'm not?? Plus, it's not like this burn is going to turn into a boss tan either. My Irish roots won't allow that to happen. You must be out of your goddamn mind!! Stupid southern sun, I hate you. I never had this problem in early April back in Central NY.

Although this situation I have found myself in is not without its few, or should I say lone, high point. With the Bruins in the Stanley Cup Playoffs for the first time in a few years I have entertained the thought of letting my sunburned enforced stubble turn into a full blown playoff beard. Nothing screams rabid New England hockey support like red facial hair. Only problem is that this look is most likely short lived as the B's have drawn the lucky number eight seed and have to face-off against the hated Habs. Damn you Montreal and your ability to just turn off the French!! Linguistic barriers do not stop and start at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit!! Has the whole world GONE CRAZY?! Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules?

Man, I love that movie.

"Fuck the tournament??"

"We must have waffles! We must all have waffles forthwith!"

Ahoy hoy internet audience, remember when I hit you with this little gem??

"Make mental note to eat more eggo waffles as those fuckers are tasty."

Well, now I'm about to do you one better. I have just found the piece de resistance of the waffle world. You've heard of these Eggo waffle things before. Yeah, well this is pretty much going to blow that right out of the water; listen to this: Chocolate....Chip....Waffles. Think about it, you walk into a grocery store and see Eggo waffles sittin' there, there's chocolate chip Eggo's sittin' right beside it. So, lets get down to brass tacks. Which one are you gonna pick man?? That's right, the chocolate chip and BOY, are they something special.

You've gotta get hip and with it toastedblog faithful. We're living in different times man. We don't have the short attention spans like you kids today. We could just sit..and stare at a candle, for like, three hours and just, you know, have our minds BLOWN. I mean, eatin' an orange, well that's like takin' a trip through a citrus mountain...but with waffles.



Have I noticed these waffles before?? I think the better question would have been: Have I bothered to purchase these waffles before? The answer simply put is no. Until now. A recent trip to my local grocer's freezer found these little beauties and they have quickly touched my tender heart and soul. Man, with that syrup all warmed up, we're talkin' the tops here. I was fortunate enough to take two of them down yesterday and needless to say, it is something that all must experience as quickly as possible. So drop what you're doing and run, don't walk, to the nearest potential chocolate chip eggo waffle vendor and load that sumbitch of a cart up. Mark my words, you shant be disappointed.