*DING* Fries are Up!!

It should be no surprise to those close to the Toast that he is, what they call, fair skinned. To make matters like a hundred times worse, I don't totally get the concept of "sun screen". So, with a few rugby games this past Saturday I went ahead in doing my best to keep up with my nice Irish white boy image and decided to don a sunburn to take down all the lesser and weaker sunburns in it's path. Take that common sense!!!

So we have a Toast already walking around a little haggard and bit banged up following two hard hitting rugby games. Add what seems to be like a fifth degree sunburn to the mix you'd think I was on the verge of a certain and very painful death. All aboard the wicked pain train!! The thing that's killing me is that it probably wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't such a complete fucking baby about it. You should see me whining as I struggle to do even the most simple of tasks.

- Putting on a shirt: "Oooh....it scrapes my sweet, but tender, arms."

- Taking a shower: "I no wanna go in there, the steam causes it to sting."

- The intimate times: "Ah....can you move to the right, you're on my sunbuh....AHHH...you just caught it with your fingernails."

- Shaving: "Are you fucking kidding me?!?!? I'm still two days away from trying that shit!!"

Realistically we're looking at your classic farmer's tan with a sprinkle of flare as rugby shorts don't offer "traditional coverage". Let's just say that short shorts and high socks make for interesting burn lines. And I look like a fucking idiot at work today. I haven't really shaved since Friday morning, I'm completely red face, aside from the peeling skin I have in certain spots, and I'm itchy. You'd have thought I was going through some withdrawals here; and who's to say that I'm not?? Plus, it's not like this burn is going to turn into a boss tan either. My Irish roots won't allow that to happen. You must be out of your goddamn mind!! Stupid southern sun, I hate you. I never had this problem in early April back in Central NY.

Although this situation I have found myself in is not without its few, or should I say lone, high point. With the Bruins in the Stanley Cup Playoffs for the first time in a few years I have entertained the thought of letting my sunburned enforced stubble turn into a full blown playoff beard. Nothing screams rabid New England hockey support like red facial hair. Only problem is that this look is most likely short lived as the B's have drawn the lucky number eight seed and have to face-off against the hated Habs. Damn you Montreal and your ability to just turn off the French!! Linguistic barriers do not stop and start at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit!! Has the whole world GONE CRAZY?! Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules?

Man, I love that movie.

"Fuck the tournament??"