Authentic Antique 1864 Civil War Cannon

VALUED AT $17,500; WILL SELL AT $2,000; WEIGHT APPROX, 175 LBS; WAS USED AS A LINE THROWER TO TRAVERSE RIVERS AND CLIFFS DURING THE CIVIL WAR; GREAT COLLECTORS PIECE; FANTASTIC CONVERSATIONAL PIECE

Man, I can't wait for the days when I can just sit around with a group of people and just bring up my breathtaking conversation piece, a Civil War era cannon. This craigslist ad was found in my email this morning as a certain Kool-Aid decided that it was of utmost importance that I discover this unique opportunity. Frankly, I don't see a way around my obtaining this highly interesting relic.

I mean, for me, to own a piece of American History that is a brilliant conversation starter is almost daily priority number one. Screw that going to work shit. Cleaning one's self, who needs it? Not when I can talk about my cannon. Did you know that this very cannon was used as a line thrower to traverse rivers and cliffs during an Epic War in our Nation's History, the Civil War??

How much did you pay for that cannon?? Well, I'm not going to tell you that. That's my little secret. But, what I can tell you is that it as been appraised for over $17,500. What's that you ask?? How much does such a fantastic historical specimen weigh? Well, it currently scales at approximately 175 lbs. That weight just screams authenticity.

And, if you were desperately searching for a new hobby, were you aware that this very authentic antique 1864 Civil War cannon is also a great collectors piece. Finally, all you cannon collectors can complete the set by obtaining the highly elusive 1864 Line Thrower model. Forget about this thing being obtrusive and you need not worry if you are unsure of where to display such a spanking historical artifact. Your 1864 Civil War cannon will tie together any room with its heavy iron-ness and its authentic Civil War cannon-oscity. It just begs for attention. Look at me. See how I shine?? Note that sparkle?? I'm a fucking big ass cannon and I'm sitting here in this jackass's living room for some reason that only this goofy bastard knows about. And why the hell does he have a giant globe in here and a fake marlin on the wall??

In any event, the reason this cannon was brought to my attention is the simple fact that two folks you all should hold dear are currently on the lookout for some more furniture. You see, my beloved apartment, Fort Awesome, is changing street addresses. That's right, Kool-Aid and I are moving. Not far might I add, and to quite the larger place. I'm going to have stairs. You hear that, STAIRS!!! Gone will be the days of the cozy little apartment with a den whose doorway is too narrow to fit a kickass recliner through it's gates. I'm going to have my own living room in a furnished basement for uber manly and definitely non-dorky video game playing to boot. I'll be able to fit a fleet of recliners in that summbitch.

Most importantly though, our new rowhome will allow us to get a dog, something that we've been putting off due to the time it currently takes us to get back and forth to work. Let the "Gary" acquisition commence at year's end people, as we are set to move in January. "Gary" just better make sure he doesn't confuse my new cannon with his toilet. He'll be in a world of hurt if that thing depriciates in value. What on earth would my friends think??