Top Ten Reasons the Toast won't go see the new "Sex and the City" movie

10. I've probably got some better shit to do.

9. It's highly possible that I'll get chlamydia just from watching it, what with all the many many sexual partners that the one really old and slutty character has had. Oddly enough, Kim Cattrall may be the best looking one out of the lot.

8. I get extremely whiny and pissy whenever Kool-Aid stops on a random syndicated episode while flipping through the channels. I tell myself I don't really want to act this way in her defense, I mean, she does enjoy the show and she often lets me do the things that I would like to do, especially when it comes to deciding what we watch on T.V. All that being said, read the first part of reason no. 8 again; what makes her think that a solid two plus hour chunk will be any different??

7. It's not "Die Hard".

6. Subsequent theater combustion upon my entering from being too man-tastic thus canceling all anticipated and scheduled viewings until building is repaired. By then, it won't be in theaters anymore. (Sweet)

5. Why would I want to when I could just go see new Indiana Jones movie instead. Niiice.

4. "Band of Brothers" is probably on the History Channel.

3. I've got the baseball package on Comcast.

2. None of the following are likely to be found in the movie: explosions, machine gun fire, high speed car chases, hilarity, sports montages, eagerly anticipated female nudity, Nicholas Cage, high octane action, precise battle formations, swordplay, tanks, cheerleaders, women being reasonable, awesome scenes, cars or helicopters turning into fighting robots.

Nor will it feature kick-ass shit like this:

yeah!

1. I recently found out that Kool-Aid is going with some of her work friends.

/does fist pump