All ladies love babies, Toastmaster General.

I can't believe that I haven't done this yet. Above you shall notice the picture of a rather small child. Who is this baby and what is it doing getting in the way of Friday afternoon hilarity here at Toastedblog. Well, that child is my nephew, Baby Zima, or Callan Richard Zima if you're not into that whole brevity thing; and the reason he is here is that I am all sorts of doing stuff of late and haven't had time to spin out something awesome for y'alls reading pleasure. Doing work, that's insane.

Baby Zima was born a little over a month ago and from what I hear he's already rolling over. I guess that's a big deal for the little ones. Anywho, Uncle Toast has undertaken the monumentous task of making sure the son of my Irish twin sister becomes a dinosaur nut. I can't make him into a fan of every sports team that I love, that's his father's job but, what I can do is stuff enough dinosaur themed clothing, stuffed brontosaurus, and fossil building kits down this buck-a-roo's throat that he is forced to love them as much as I did when I was a kid. Yup, with a little bit of effort and elbow grease, there is no limit to this little guy's potential.

The following is a list of how to's, random bits of knowledge, and life lessons that Uncle Toast will pass unto Baby Zima:

- Properly eat chicken wings.
- Be a hit with the ladies. (Just act goofy and be yourself, it's amazing how they respond)
- Why McDonald's is only good for their Egg McMuffin's
- Effectively shotgun a beer
- The importance of having a good backhand while playing ice hockey
- How to tackle a man up to twice your size
- Never ever drink beer on an empty stomach
- Stick to your guns
- Make sure to read, alot. Being smart has it's advantages
- Never be afraid to dance
- It doesn't matter how you play the game, it's whether you win or lose. And even that doesn't make all that much difference.
- Always loosen the bolts on a tire before you jack up the car
- Eating a burrito before sex is always a bad idea
- Desperation is a stinky cologne
- Don't worry about getting hurt while playing sports, when you play afraid, that's when injuries happen.
- Fried chicken is delicious
- There are two types of people in this world: Those who like Neil Diamond, and those who don't
- Never get less than 12 hours of sleep
- Never play cards with a man who has the same first name as a city
- Never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body

You stick with me kid, the rest is cream cheese.