Gift fo' yo' kool-aid.

personally I see myself as lucky as I have found someone who will appreciate receiving something like what is pictured above.

just a few days away now. GO GIANTS!!!

"Harvey...tell them what they've won!"

saturday, kool-aid and the toast are scheduled to attend a birthday party at some bar for one of her friends down here in D.C. sounds great right??? now if this were going to be a party for your toastmaster general it would involve some hole in the wall bar to celebrate getting another year older by getting blinding drunk on cheap booze and eating way too many wingies. well...this is D.C. this isn't just a night in a bar with a few friends; this is going to have to be an event. so what does saturday night have in store for this guy?? ladies and gentlemen, may I present, an 80's sitcom themed birthday blowout for about 50 plus city folk. now, its not going to be a bad time and I'm not even coming close to suggesting that it won't be a scene the toast won't get down on. its just not my way of doing things and its fine. I believe in getting dressed up, just once a year....on halloween.

anywho, kool-aid and I painstakingly had to come up with an 80's sitcom and television themed costume that got the toast stamp of approval, meaning it had to be creative, clever, and hilarious. plus it had to be fit for a couple so your ideas of alex p. keaton or magnum p.i. wouldn't have been able to work too well. dangited right?? I mean, picture the toast with a hawaiian shirt, 80's short shorts, aviator shades, bushy moustache and a tigers hat. plus, as we said, we were thinking of clever here so you weren't going to see any zach and kelly, slater and jessie, sam and diane, type of nonsense here. not in the least.

so, where'd the ladytoast and the general end up?? well a quick purchase of some matching blue shirts and pants, the pending pickup of a few pairs of safety goggles, design and creation of some makeshift ring toss helmets, you've got yourselves a pair of double dare contestants. tell you the truth, all I'm looking forward to is a few physical challenges that night....OW!! well, I guess winning a minivan wouldn't hurt either.

Rent that shit!!!

We here at toastedblog have decided to come up with a new segment devoted to my love of all types of movies that's simply going to be titled "rent that shit". some may say: "hey toast, most folk out there already have a decent idea on what to check out so why would they really care what you have to say on the matter?? well, fuck 'em, thats why.

now, traditionally I have been labeled as one that generally enjoys the movies that I do watch and pretty much my reaction will be the same.

"toast, what did you think of "insert movie title here"??"

"I loved it, thought that it was great."

thats right, my movie critic skills can generally be summed up in those very words: "I loved it, thought that it was great." True, you may get a "hmm...thought that it was pretty good" or a "eh....that was decent" thrown in there to boot but most movies that I do decide to see will get the toast stamp of approval. why is that you ask?? maybe it's due to the fact that I am not a good judge of films. maybe it's because I know what I like and refuse to take too many chances on the very many shitty films that are out there. nonetheless, it is not very often that flicks that I catch will get hit with the never impressive "garbage" status. that'll hurt you everytime, no matter who or what you are.

so what gets two thumbs up from the toast this time 'round?? well, it's 3:10 to Yuma. it's a damn good flick. now, why don't you just go out there and rent that shit!!

Chigago Mutha-Fuckas!!

hey all, just flew back from a few days in chigago and boy are my arms tired. HA! not a lot of time here this afternoon as the lunch hour she is just about done so I'll make this short and sweet. here we have a quick overview of the haps on a random January visit to the magical midwest.

- friday: flight delayed, because of this the decision to hit up airport bar for a beer or two quickly turns into three beers and a nice plate of nachos loaded with jalapenos, refried beans, and cheese.

toastmaster general - 1, fellow plane passengers - 0.

- saturday: metra-train ride into the city where it is about 4 degrees outside. walking around downtown chigago may not have been the best decision. kool-aid and the toast hit up the field museum where I go nuts over dinosaurs and the ever impressive special exhibit on maps. dinosaur noises made profusely and many tales of last trip to the museum made with uncle jitter are told. the walk back to train station through the chigago waterfront turns out to be...cooold blooded!!

- sunday: shockey clad toast drives into rogers park to see good buddy danny and to watch the games. end up in some bar around the corner from danny's apartment. this is where we get really interesting. due to too many shots and way too many old styles, a giants victory is greeted with the toast yelling "mutha-fuckin' giants" in a place predominantly filled with aging and out of shape packer fans. the toast is treated with looks of disapproval and is later locked out of the bar. the evening concludes with myself falling asleep while a certain lady toast drives his drunk ass back to his mom's. around 3:30 am our hero suffers a reversal of fortunes. no longer does he retain that delicious deep dish pizza enjoyed only hours beforehand. I then proceed to almost knock myself out by crashing into a cabinet in my mother's bathroom. good times?? you betcha!!

- monday: the following.

random inquisitor: "hey toast, what did you and the lady do when you went to chigago??"

toastmaster general: "oh..good question. we went to the mall and target."

well I can tell you it was for good reason...kinda. went out to my grandmother's in schaumburg and not gonna lie to you but the toast was a little out of it. believe hungover is the correct term. after a while at my grandmother's, I just felt like I needed a bit of a jump start so went out to a local mall. sue me! wasn't all for not, the "rocker" in toast got himself a new flannel. bad ass!! later, we went out to dinner and family got to know lady toast a bit more, we later discover that kool-aid is the tops.

- tuesday: not too much going on today, except that I get to go to the best place in all the land, Portillo's, where I promptly engage in the "classic" over-eat by taking in two italian beef sandwiches. Portillo's merch is purchased. I say my goodbyes to ma dukes and lady toast as she is staying in chigago a few extra days to attend a work training seminar. my flight is once again delayed and once again fellow passengers are displeased as they now have to fly with a toast that is digesting two italian beef sandwiches loaded with hot peppers.

toastmaster general - 2, fellow plane passengers - 0.

all in all, a pretty decent trip.

Polish Sausage....Ditka....Bears

Well, in a little over five hours, lady toast and yours truly will be making our way to chigago for the weekend...american airlines style. when one thinks of nice january get-a-ways subzero temperatures in the windy city are often the first to come to mind. nonetheless kool-aid and her toastmaster general are off to the central time zone for what should be a nice visit to ma toast and some other members of the family. plus, I'll get to see this guy!!! alexandria, let me know if you want me to bring you back some deep dish pizza.

After all, I am a ticking time bomb of fury.

UNCONTROLLABLE RAGE!! Usually the toast can be seen as a person that is, quite possibly, the easiest to get along with on the entire eastern seaboard. Always upbeat, funny, hit with the ladies, quick with a joke, or to light up your smoke, a certain toastmaster general is an easy going fella. However, over time, buttons can continually get pushed and I can't take this shit anymore. What makes me angry of late......

Tom Brady, the best ever??: now this isn't really a slam on Brady but more the media slurping Brady and his accomplishments of this season. I am aware that brady had a ridiculous year numbers wise and the Pats went undefeated and everything but what sports media refuses to acknowledge are the changes in the rules over the past few years. are you even allowed to play defense anymore?? defensive backs are basically helpless in their ability to cover receivers in this league. I can't even give an estimate to the number of 5 yard illegal contact penalties that I have seen over the past few weeks, let alone the past few years. defensive backs don't have a shot in this league that allows big receivers such as randy moss, terrell owens (don't even get me started on him, you'll see more later), and to show that I am not completely biased plaxico burress are allowed to hand check, clutch, hold, make all sorts of contact to get open. with this kind of advantage the toast can go out there and toss a few touchdowns, let alone people whose job that is. Guys like Marino, Elway, and Montana didn't have that luxury.

People not using their turn signals: upon my move to the metro D.C. area I really noticed the blatant disregard these people have down here for other drivers. I'm not talking about not using signals when you're cruising down the street and looking to change lanes, I can see that from time to time. what I'm referring to is a full fledged turn here. Traffic lanes, residential neighborhoods, few things get my dander up like these pieces of shit and the majority of this stems from the fact that these people just think that they are better or more important than you. these middle aged pricks wearing fat-ass docker pants sitting in audi's and their SUV driving wives just don't take the time out of what they are doing to be considerate to other people on the road and it just sends me into a rage induced frenzy.

jessica simpson: you have no talent, you can't sing and you definitely cannot act and yet you keep popping up all over the place. whether this is your doing our your creepy glory obsessed father/manager but there is always some ploy to get you in the center of attention and I can't take it anymore. either it's: you're a virgin and waiting for marriage, you're a dumbass who doesn't understand the concept of tunafish, need a divorce from your husband 'cause he's not famous enough, the critics aren't fans of your shitty music/movie (insert title here) so lets find a new way to get attention, I'll date a quarterback and get the sports media talking about me too. I can't stand hearing about you anymore and the Toast is gettin' very upset!!!

terrell owens: I really find it hard to believe that you are actually upset about this whole romo vacation thing. you have thrown everyone you have ever played with under the bus, are a horrible human being and role model, and are another player in this current nfl taking advantage of rules made to make the game more offensively exciting. I'd like to see you trying to run over the middle against the steel curtain of the 70's or when ronnie lott or steve atwater were running wild in the 80's.

reality tv: this subject won't even be discussed for fear that I may hurl my work laptop into a wall.

the writer's strike: I'm not even too sure why you guys are actually striking. I can count the number of worthwhile shows over the past few years on my left hand and shows that were actually great have been cancelled due to the previous thing that makes me angry, reality tv. go back to work so I can watch the office.

pennsylvania: I hate you. I hate your highways and interstates. I hate how you always "claim" to be under construction and yet I see no improvements nor do I see actual work being done. I hate how you always add an extra two to three hours on any trip I try to make through you. your lone redeeming quality is the philly cheese steak. please find a way to blow up some how.

Glad you finally decided to drink the kool-aid.

Dear Eli,

I not entirely sure when the idea of successfully playing the quarterback position in the NFL came to you but this kid is certainly glad it has. For some reason your ability to fully process what is going on out there has finally clicked and the toast no longer has to be the one that is driving fast and taking chances in supporting you. You have no idea how extremely happy I have been ever since you led the giants to victory over the much despised cowboys. please note that from here on out the toast is struttin' around the office with an lil' extra hop in his step and twinkle in his eye due to your play the past few weeks.

now, I'm not going to get ahead of myself and dub you the next big thing that has hit the position but the fact that you are showing some consistency and successfully managing this balanced offensive attack is makin' me all sorts of giddy. please do your best to keep it up and remember that your play of late is doing wonders in making believers out of giants fans all over. now go get 'em out there in wisconsin!!!

sincerely,

toastmaster general

**DICTATED NOT READ**

The best I've ever had....

I am sitting here in my office with a fresh cup of afternoon coffee going through the typical friday work motions when in walks a co-worker with a small box of what appear to be some sort of treats. next think I know I am absolutely floored by this chocolate chocolate chip cookie from a bakery near my office building. monarchs don't eat this well.

"LIVE IT..LIVE IT!"

This post is pretty much just shit that I'm rockin' of late. Enjoy.


the clash - "janie jones" the clash
over the past few years I have gone from finding the clash iffy musically to having them in my top five. When you have a free two and a half minutes, give this beat a listen.

pearl jam - "can't keep" live at benaroya hall
this tune popped on my ipod while I was driving home from work the other day. I really found myself digging this unplugged version of the first beat off of "riot act". special bonus, there's a mandolin. YAHTZEE!!

dvda - "now you're a man" orgazmo sdtrk
"what makes a man, is it the power in his hands or is it his quest for glory?"

soulive - "tabasco" turn it out
solid soulive beat. good for lying around to, maybe while under some influence of sorts. they were down here in DC/Northern VA not too long ago but unfortunately the opportunity to see them sailed me by. hopefully my living in a large metropolitan area will aid in them gracing the toast's prescence in the near future.

otis redding - "take me to the river"
for some reason I always associate this tune with the talking heads; who of course did a cover on some album. I think if I were a stripper this would be the song I'd seduce strangers for singles with.

band of horses - "the general specific" cease to begin
I really like this album and this past year band of horses and this record got a lot of hype from the critics. this song helps that hype seem like it was deserved. my take on "cease to begin", eh...it was pretty good. wouldn't kick it out of my bed.

pink floyd - "coming back to life" the division bell
I know what you're saying, "but its the division bell." I still think the beat is solid. Nice little Gilmour solo thrown in there for good measure. He could tear it up when he wanted to.

foo fighters - "let it die" echoes, silence, patience, and grace
I've said it before and will continue to do so for some time. Dave Grohl can sing pretty and yell like a badass whenever necessary. come get a taste.

the verve - "this time" urban hymns
I don't know why I don't listen to this album more, or why it never really got any pub. back in the day. I threw it on while putting up a few shelves around the apartment the other night, it really is a great listen.

moe. - "wind it up" the conch
I had this beat in my head for a week or so before I went home or a few days over christmas. my friday night out with some of the boys back home (who also happen to be moe. fans) featured beerpong and couple pulls of what-have-you before we hit up the bar a good walk down the street. what did I want to hear to go go with the what-have-you's?? wind it up indeed.

spoon - "rhthm and soul" ga ga ga ga ga
rhythm without the "y", that's crazy....crazy good.

the white stripes - "I'm bound to pack it up" de stijl
the more I listen to "de stijl" the more I like it in a favorite white stripes album rock off. this beat, a little more mellow, still worthy to throw on and give a listen.

beastie boys - "alright hear this" ill communication
anyone who knows the toast has a pretty good idea about my love for the beasties. however, every once in a while I seem to find another beat off of one of their albums that just happens to strike a cord and causes me to want to listen to it for the next few months. "alright hear this" is that current beasties jam.

radiohead - "polyethylene" airbag/how am I driving
this happened to slip on during a drive to work when I couldn't take listening to redskins monday morning on espn radio (every monday, they block out mike and mike to talk 'skins...stupid washington). its off some 5 song single that came out the same time as "OK Computer" and this is a damn fine tune.

the slip - "airplane/primitive" eisenhower
this was probably one of my top ten albums of '06. this beat being my favorite from "Eisenhower". bands from boston usually equal good times.

run DMC - "beats to the rhyme" tougher than leather
what??? they o.g. son!!! you sucker m.c's.

tenacious d - "tribute" tenacious d
recently was found viewing the Pick of Destiny on HBO. for quite some time the D have ruled the Toast with their rock.

dave matthews band - "hunger for the great light" weekend at the rocks
back in my high school and early college days the toast was a bit of a dave fan. then came the summer before my senior year when I paid 50 bucks for a lawn seat for a show in Saratoga NY only to be surrounded by a bunch of douches. Needless to say that I stopped really paying attention to this bands music. Oddly enough Pa Cregg is a fan (due to my younger brother) and he offered me a ticket to a concert the summer of '06 when his special lady couldn't make it. I saw it as an opportunity to see a free show and spend some QT with Pops. Needless to say I kinda got down (beers and other stuff) and before I knew it I borrowed some 6 disc show from my dad.

the roots - "rolling with the heat" phrenology
one of the biggest regrets I had about missing this past year's moe.down was that I gave up a chance to see the roots in an alcohol induced drug friendly environment. that experience must have been off the hook.

lcd soundsystem - "get innocuous!" sound of silver
this was another album that came out last year with much pub. from the critics. its kinda dancey and hip, tell you the truth, I like it

phish - "chalk dust torture" MSG New Year's '95
nothing really special in terms of reason why I'm rockin' this beat, just know that it equals good times.

radiohead - "jigsaw falling into place" in_rainbows
toast quickly found this beat to be one of his favorites on this new radiohead album. I just really dig their music and with "In_Rainbows", radiohead once again did not disappoint

the beta band - "assessment" heroes to zeros
I've been rocking their albums at work for the past few weeks and have been a fan of the betas for a bit now. unfortunately three is all that you'll find as these scots are now defunct. look 'em up though toastedblog fans, if they get a two thumbs up from this guy, who knows how much you'll love 'em.

david lee roth - "just a gigolo"
"bowsie bowsie bop, zitty bop. Iiiiiiiii ain't got no-body"

outkast - "behold a lady" the love below
I like songs with hand claps, I don't care what you think.

muse - "shrinking universe" new born
this song is off of some muse B-side album and due to it being on a preview for the movie "28 weeks later", everytime I go to rent a movie and pass the dvd box in new releases causes this song to pop back in the old noggin. it doesn't help that this dude can scream awesome as well. listen for the wailin' at the end. woah...

pearl jam - "inside job" pearl jam
"inside job" was one of my favorite songs off of this most recent pearl jam album. I don't know what it is about songs that start off slow and then creep and build into full blown awesomeness around the 5 minute mark but they really rev my engine.

beck - "strange apparition" the information
you know when songs just kinda find themselves on mixes, this is one of them. I haven't listened enough of this album to be all "the information is like wicked awesome", nonetheless, this tune makes me want to check out more.


toast OUT!!

Don't let your babies grow up to be Cowboys.

I hate 'Merica's team and everything they stand for and the fact that the Giants have to head to Dallas this weekend has given me both a hop in my step and a case of the mud butt. Part of me wants the Giants to go into Dallas and beat Homo-Romo and the rest of his motley crew on their own backyard but I can't help to feel a wee bit nervous about this game on Sunday. Basically I am not too sure how well I will be able to handle a loss to the much hated Cowboys. Realistically having Eli get playoff win number one and getting to see the Giants one more time this year should be enough to make the Toast feel all warm and fuzzy.

Now, I shouldn't be focusing on who the Giants are playing and just be glad that they are still playing. But to have to see them lose to the Cowboys; not gonna lie but that may get the Toast classic "I'm getting upset" soundbyte, and no one wants that, not at all. I don't want to be walking around having to listen to douchebags in T.O. jerseys talking about how Romo is the next "insert great quarterbackman here" nor do I need to keep seeing, reading, and hearing about the him and Simpson as well. Dammit, I've made myself all sorts of angry and now I'll have to sit through the rest of the day with UNCONTROLLABLE RAGE. I need some top shelf hooch STAT!

Pay attention Philadelphia..

If you see this rather LARGE American, who did in fact "get dangited" by Ma Jitters prior to college, walking around over the next few days; go ahead and ask him what version of windows he is using. It most certainly is not windows vista.

Also, ask him what he is doing for the games this weekend as his good pal Toastmaster General might be looking to get down on Saturday night.

I just can't get it up anymore.

I don't know what it is but college football just doesn't excite me like it used to. Don't get me wrong, I looove football, it really revs my engine, but over the past few years college ball has sorta fallen out of favor with yours truly. I mean, this was a sport that I once argued with a certain Mr. Bohall that the NFL should try to be more like...at least having one knee equaling the player being down.

Mind you, my recent view of college football stems largely from the fact that rugby season happens to coincide with college football season and partly that my team (Notre Dame) isn't performing up to snuff. I guess I am kinda giving the rest of the Division I College Football teams a "fuck 'em, they ain't my squad", which is not the way to take it. Now, instead of spending my Saturday mornings waking up in a drunken stupor at 10am to catch College Gameday followed by a quick few hits of the good stuff with Danny so one can fully enjoy Bob Davie as he rambles through the 12 o'clock game on ESPN I find myself leaving the house by 9am so I can get ready to wear shorts and feel like I fell down a flight of stairs for the next few days. No longer do I sit in my sweatpants until 5 in the afternoon surrounded by college football bliss. For chrissakes, I was up for the Heisman as the highly touted longsnapper known simply as "Nuttrocker"!! Would Danny or Uncle Jitter, or Willie Moe when he had a Saturday off be proud of the Toast who willingly throws his college football viewing opportunities out the window for a lil' competish and excercise of all things?? I think not.

What I am trying to get across is the fact that College Football just isn't really doing it for me anymore, and its a shame as I can really enjoy it. Have I been away from it for too long?? When rugby season ends in the beginning of November the College Football season is drawing to a close, just when I have the chance to pay attention again and by then I am lost and feel out of place during those Championship week games. I hadn't had the opportunity to look into these teams all year!!! How can I pick up on months worth of games, controversy, storylines, and great plays in only a pre-game or two?? I still enjoy watching what games I can. Just over the holidays I took in a few games with Liz's brother (who's a huge Virginia Tech fan) and found myself picking up what those kids were puttin' down, having a good time, what-not. It's just when bowl season arrives, I just can't get into it. Other than checking in on a few or catching a drive or two I didn't watch a single bowl game this year for the first time....ever. Blame rugby for taking up time, blame my girlfriend who I like to go do things with on the weekends, blame Notre Dame being crappy, blame my leaving far away from my football watching pals, I just guess I shouldn't really blame college football for not catching my attention. Blame Toastie for not making much of an effort?? Possibly. For the time being I will once again not worry about my saturdays and missing college football. Next season, I guess I will see if I can make some changes and try to get back to something that I was a huge fan of.

"The phony pope can be identified by his high top sneakers and his incredibly foul mouth."

20-27, 185 yds, 74.1%, 6.9 yds/att., 2 tds

Eli?? Was that you?? Where did this come from??? You played.....well. Surprisingly well. I mean, you looked composed out there. You never stood there with you hands on your hips or looked like a dissappointed teenager after a play was ran. You never even pulled an Eli. There was no point in yesterday's game when you ran around the pocket alone and frightened with your arms flailing about. You displayed patience in the pocket...what's that about?? You looked like a real quarterbackman out there and to be honest....I liked it.

I know that right now you may be on a gravy train with biscuit wheels but lets reset and refocus here and just see if we can replicate this last performance shall we. Romo, T.O., and the rest of "America's Team" need to be brought back to reality for a little bit. Personally, I don't think I can stand anymore 'Tonica talk.

Look who's another year older!!!

Thats right, its this kid. My fondest memory of this kid has to be in a Cambridge hotel room the following morning after a Cracker show in Boston at the Paradise. Most of you boys should know, you were there. Basketball at Tucker's with a good night of drinking in tow, Toastie and Willie Moe getting kicked out of that bar where we discovered Schaefer's ("the only beer you want when you know you want more than one"), leaning on cops while awaiting bar entry, all culminating to a glorious viewing of Sweet November that next morning and my near death at the vicious hands of shower water consumption.

"They think they're so high and mighty, just because they never got caught driving without pants"

Word on the street is that not too many folks think the odds of Eli Manning leading the Giants to victory this weekend are not all that high. True, the Bucs do have one of the leagues best pass defenses during the regular season but I actually believe that this game will be Eli's chance to prove some of his ney-sayers wrong. If the Giants are able to establish the run with Brandon Jacobs against the front 8 of the Bucs, I feel that Eli could be quite successful with the play action and will be able to move the ball against this aging but talented defense. What doesn't bode well is that the weather is supposed to be a wee' bit crappy and for some reason bad weather and Eli don't mix which is kinda beyond me. I mean, he's spent numerous years in both Mississippi and New Jersey, you think he'd have learned by now.

Realistically Eli doesn't have to win this game for the Giants, he just can't lose it for them and I think coming off the game against the Pats, what he's hopefully learned over his last two playoff starts, and hopefully riding the success of Jacobs' power running Eli will end up looking like the quarterback that us Giants fans were hoping for. Just don't prove me wrong on this one Eli. Not to add to the pressure but I've got a lot invested this time 'round. C'mon and show me sumpin'!!

new news better than no news??

what does that mean?? who is this?? where am I?? well fellow internet folks, toastedblog refuses to officially call it quits and hopefully this "trend" of "writing" continues well into this new year.

do I have anything really big to say?? not really. actually just a little bit bored here in my office and as I no longer have fantasy football to keep me occupied I guess I had to come up with something to do. I mean, who does work...honestly?? so I was inspired by a certain blog to kinda dust off the good ol' toastedblog and just spit out a few things mainly to let the lovely internet audience know that everyone's favorite toastmaster general has returned and just looking to keep others in the loop of his general debauchery and random goings on. just remember to check in on your old boy toast and I will continue to try to keep this trainwreck a-rollin'. till then, I'm out.

toastie.