"So, my cologne is distilled from the bilge of Rupert Murdoch's yacht."

You want to learn somethin' about uncomfortable situations?? Let me hit you with this little scenario. It seems that I am on the daily cycle of going to the bathroom at about quarter after four every afternoon here at the office. Well that's all fine and dandy and everything but it seems that I'm not the only one that makes this standard procedure. Who else joins our hero in this daily practice, why it's our company president that also appears to be on this cycle (see ladies, our cycles can coincide as well). Not only that, he seems to be a bit of a talker at the urinal to boot! So, being already uncomfortable enough standing right next to a corporate big whig with my pants down, I now have to engage in simple pleasantries with him.

Now, I'm not too sure if he's just not that well versed in men's room protocol or if he never got the handbook but standard procedure for us dudes in the bathroom is to just look ahead and do our business...unless you're about 10 beers in and at "insert sporting event here". Then you can talk all you want on a variety of topics. The horrible third down pass that you saw. Why in the hell did they run three consecutive pass plays on the goal line?? Man, that Josh Beckett sure is hurlin' some serious heat tonight!! Did you see the rack that blonde in the beer line?? I can't believe I ate for the "cycle"!!

**Eating for the cycle consists of taking down the following at a Milwaukee Brewers game: hot dog, polish sausage, italian sausage, and bratwurst. I once experienced two friends not only accomplish this feat, but continued eating for a second cycle in one sitting. Unprecedented!!**

However, we are not at "insert sporting event here" and I am certainly not 10 beers in. This is not the time to bring up how my goes at training our new office in Cherry Hill, NJ went. I'm sorry buddy, I don't want to rain on your parade and I don't mean to come down on you. But it's just not my deal, talking in the men's room that is. I'd prefer to make all my bathroom runs at home base if I could. Although I don't seem to have a problem just taking a knee on the rugby pitch and pulling up the right leg of my shorts to take care of business. Ooh....did I take this subject too far??