Relapse

I am currently in Panama City Beach, Florida for work and I have just committed my first relapse in regards to Toastie's Detox Jam '09. A long afternoon of traveling, plane flights, and layovers in Hot-Lanta pushed me in entirely the wrong direction. At least it was two for one drink night. If I'm going to hit up a couple beers, might as well get some free ones to go along with it.

After all was said and done though, I feel like I let myself down. Sure, I can use the excuse that I am on the road and eating to my fullest potential is easier said than done. But the fact that I know that I just put down a chicken fajita pita, a heap o' beers, and a side of fries in under an hour is not sitting so pretty with the Toast. I mean, I wasn't necessarily struggling to keep this detox thing going, but in just a few minutes it seems as though all of the good work I've done of late was simply erased. Eh, whatever, this is what happens when you don't have a Kool-Aid to talk to during your evenings and you find that there is nothing on the 27 channels your Hilton Garden Inn room gets. No one told me that The Office and 30 Rock weren't on tonight. That's bull honky if I've ever seen it!!!

On that note, a clip of a song that I can't get out of my head of late. Sweet Jebus Wilco is fucking awesome.


Wilco - "Side With The Seeds"

While I'm at it, let's just keep going shall we??

Wilco - "Impossible Germany"

Obey Your Mother!

Hey all!!! Sorry, haven't been around so much of late. Been wicked ass busy with work and Toastie's Detox Jam '09 has me running around being active and lifting heavy stuff during my evenings. It's not all bad though, I've lost 11 lbs and I've shattered my personal record of the number of times I can go No. 2 in one day at work. So I say once again, FUCK YOU TOXINS!!

But this post isn't about that. In this shameless bit of friend promotion, go check out the following website.

www.recyclemoe.com

Recyclemoe.com is a side business of my friend Moe, who currently resides in Burlington, VT with live-in man friend, and one of my better friends from college, Big Marky Badass. Moe is out there trying to make the world a better place using only her knack for all things awesome. I mean, look at those monster hats....you tellin' me you wouldn't want one of those. I tell you what, the Toast here is looking forward to one of those cassette tape wallets. I hope mine's a Bob Seger tape, HOT DAMN!!!

Toastie's Detox Jam '09!!

Well, I'm not too far removed from vacation. Maybe if you play your cards right, you my very internet audience will get blessed with sweet sweet pics of the Toast and his special lady friend skiing in -30 degree temps. Oooh....fingers crossed, am I right.

But this post is not about skiing, nor is it about special lady friends. Vermont, seeing old college friends, mah back, and frigid North East temperatures, those topics are for the birds...or for later toastedblog posts. No, this post is not about any of that who-haw. Today we get to talk about something I know that you all are dying to hear about. DYING to hear about I say!!

TOASTIE's DETOX JAM '09!!! (must be read in monster truck jam stereotypical announcer voice to achieve comedic effect)

That's right boys and girls, the Toast here is cleaning house. To that, I say: "FUCK YOU TOXINS!!" Yeah. It's all Organic, All-Natural, Feel-Goodery for the next few weeks my loyal readers. A diet full o' detox. No sugar, no canned goods, no butter, no steak, no chipwiches, no preservatives, no sammiches, no grease, no delicious Arby's Roast Beef, no delicious Arby's Roast Beef smothered in Arby's and Horsey Sauce, no cheese, no BAR-be-que sauce, no booze!!!

Concerned Reader No. 413: "WHAT??!?!?! NO BOOZE!!! But Toastmaster General, You be Irish and shit!!!"

Well, I'll tell you this Concerned Reader No. 413, unfortunately dem's the breaks. After the next few weeks, the Toast here is going to be a hilarious, lean, machine of pure awesome that'll fit into his pants like no other. No, and mark my words on this next comment, this is no diet!!! This here is what we call a lifestyle change. A few weeks of not hitting the gym, combined with holiday and vacation eating, drinking like a champ, and logging a high number of couch hours has got me in the mood for a fresh slate. What better way to do that than to eat nothing but brown rice, veggies, fresh fruit, delicious free range bird, water, nuts and eggs.

Not only that, but I am going to start taking Yoga classes. What???!?! For real B??!?! Yeah, you read that right. I think all that stretching with the ladies in a room that's 90 degrees is going to work wonders for mah back. My only question, do I get to wear those yoga pants that make my butt look all tight and awesome like the ladies do at the gym; cause you know what, the Toast don't need that stuff. I gots me some sweatpants that fall down when I run. Those'll work fine.

I tell you what, all is so far so good here with the General, in regards to those pesky sugar withdrawals. Just don't pay attention when you see me running out of my local grocer's freezer, leaving a trail of discarded Ben & Jerry's containers in my wake. Oh sweet Vermonty Python, what shall thou do without thoust. Or something like that. It's good to be back, HEEEEEYYYY!!!!

Yeah, what that guy said!!

This little quote was taken from an ESPN.com article that I was reading this morning about 40 current baseball players that could also become potential MLB Hall of Famers. Oddly enough, while I whole heartedly disagree with the use of performance enhancing drugs in sport and these individuals that have been caught in the act are getting what they ultimately deserve for cheating the sport and it's fans; I am sorta pickin' up what this Schoenfield guy is puttin' down with his whole take on steroids and those ever-so-dear records in Major League Baseball.

25. Gary Sheffield
Not that anybody asked, but here's my opinion on the whole steroids issue: Who gave the baseball writers the right to be moral arbiters of the Hall of Fame? Are we supposed to pretend Mark McGwire's accomplishments didn't happen? You can't go back and rewrite history; McGwire competed in real games that counted in real standings, and he helped his team win a lot of those games. You can't erase that from the record books. It happened. You might disagree with how he achieved it, but it happened. It's not an issue of morality, and the BBWAA's anti-McGwire stance -- assuming his guilt -- isn't any different a witch hunt.

As for Sheffield, he probably doesn't have a snowball's chance of being elected under the current voting climate. He was linked to Barry Bonds and Victor Conte's cream; he wasn't the easiest guy to like. But he was a devastating hitter and helped his team win a lot of games. And isn't that the point?

A sidenote if I may; I do really hate Gary Sheffield. However, he was/still can be a devastating hitter, has helped his team win a lot of games, and still does scare the shit out of me when I see him in the batter's box. But yeah....I don't see him heading to the Hall at all. Not one bit.

Radiohead "All I Need"

I've had this song in my head for a little while now. Even though this video has been around for months and it really doesn't fit the tune and all, I've decided to throw it down on this here blog for no other reason other than y'all should listen. And if you've heard it before, just hear it again.

When you're done with that, check out the Scotch Mist Version. Mmmm...scotch.

"Hatin' life right now, aren't ya??"

Today's Toastedblog title was just said to me as I was walking to go get a cup of coffee following a good two hour meeting. You see, the Toast here has a back that currently has him in a considerable amount of pain. Simply put, walking is kinda a chore right now. Well, fellow co-workers see a usually upbeat and ever-so-mobile Toast staggering around the office like a 90 year old man, they're going to say something.

And my friend Dashiel was right, I am hatin' life right now. Not only the whole back thing, but the Giants looking like a heap of garbage yesterday afternoon in their loss to Philadelphia. Oh well, at least I have more time to focus on the severe pain that is limiting any and all motions. Sigh....good news is that I get to go skiing in two days. How the hell am I going to be able to do that??

It's go time!!

One hour till kick-off. That means it's almost afternoon. Almost afternoon = it's time to start drinkin'. Let's go Giants. Let's see something today!!

Toastmaster General, that there's a dilly of a pickle

As far dilemnas go, this present situation that yours truly is in happens to be a real humdinger. Tomorrow night, Camper Van Beethoven is playing at the State Theatre in nearby Falls Church, VA. For a spot of Camper Van, see below.



Awesome right?? Maybe not the made for you tube video so much but the song, ooooh...weeeeee. Well, clearly not as awesome is the fact that the cost for two tickets, complete with the "convenient" $5.75 surcharge for each, is fifty bucks. GOD-DAMN!!! Do I want to swing that for just a random show on a Thursday Night, especially with money being tight; what with all of this moving going on and a vacation up to Stowe, VT for five days of skiing in a little over a week. I just don't know if it's in the cards. I mean, 50 bones for the show, not to mention the overhead spending that concert going brings (your couple beers, going out for a post-work, pre-show bite to eat, any and all extracurricular drinking). When all is said and done, we're probably looking at a $100. here, if not more. A hundred dollars that can just as easily buy a Kool-Aid and the Toast a damn fine dinner after a day of hitting the slopes in Vermont. But...It's Camper Van!!! Aargh!!! A decision like this is harder than College.

Just for the hell of it, and because I can, peep this old video of Camper Van, straight up 80's style. '89 if you want to be a dick about it.

You sure as heckfire better believe that David Lowery looks pretty gosh darn different. All young and less grizzled, and no wicker cowboy hat to boot?? What's the deal?!?!

There it is, much better. We'll let you know how it all turns out once I finally stop being indecisive and make some sort of decision. Do I want to kick ass, eat a burger, have a few beers, and see Camper Van Beethoven?? Or do I want to be responsible, save a few bucks for vacation where it will ultimately be spent on Kool-Aid, and officially act like a grown up?? Hmmm......I'm going to need more time, or...some advice.

Fort Awesome, Now 100% More Fortified, 200% More Awesome

Happy 2009 (officially) internet peoples. So, now that's out of the way I have a chipwich that says I know what you all are thinking. Why is it, that after repeated promises of more Toastedblog, that we have to wait until the 5th of January for an update on the world of the Toast?? Well, since you asked so politely, and are obviously showing some significant concern for something that you all hold so dear to your hearts, I shall tell you. I've moved bitches!!!

You heard that right folks, my apartment, aptly dubbed "Fort Awesome", has been traded in for something at least ten times more awesome than it's predecessor. The Toast here is on a gravy train with biscuit wheels. I mean, I have stairs people.....STAIRS!!! Kool-Aid and I, in an ever pressing quest to make life habitable for a new addition have decided to move on up and thus, have waved bye-bye to the days of single bedroom apartment living. You're reading the creative genius of a man that single handedly doubled his fort's awesomeness. Oh..please, please; hold all applause.

New "Fort Awesome" is a town home, duplex, whatever you want to call it located in Arlington, VA. New "Fort Awesome" is three floors of sheer manliness with only about 85% of a beautiful woman's touch; I get to use the finished basement for my many many mantastic activities, Kool-Aid gets the rest. New "Fort Awesome" has a backyard for stuff that dudes like, like horseshoes...or patio furniture for entertaining outdoor guests. New "Fort Awesome" has a laundry room for cleaning my rugby shit...or drying racks for wool sweaters and other delicates. New "Fort Awesome" is located near a sandwich shop built for men...called "The Broiler". New "Fort Awesome" also has room for gardening and landscaping with only the prettiest of roses, lilies, orchids, poinsettias, etc.

Most importantly however, New "Fort Awesome" took like a morning to move into. For the few days surrounding the New Year, Kool-Aid and I took over carloads of boxes as to make the actual moving day as easy as possible; so, a U-Haul truck loaded with our furniture and other big stuff was all that we'd have to move on our official moving day, which was this past Saturday. I should rephrase some of that, most importantly was the fact that we had a few friends helping us out so that my back is still intact, as opposed to fucking killing me. With the weekend spent unpacking and waiting for the cable guy to come set up our internet late Sunday afternoon my mind is kind of lost today. I even had to ask the cable guy who won the playoff games on Saturday as I had absolutely no clue because all I did on that day was unload heavy shit, open up boxes, and get drunk come night time. YES!! (/does fist pump)

All said and done however, I am just a little off today. Getting ready for the office this morning took some actual thought as opposed to just going through the motions, I had to take a new morning route, I couldn't find my aftershave (fingers crossed, no dry chin skin), and I have this feeling as though I left something important at home. Guess it'll take some time to get used to. Oh well, we'll toss you some updates soon, even some photos of my Christmas in Florida, my Sister's Wedding, and the haps on this whole New "Fort Awesome". Just you try to contain your excitement you kooky bastards!!! Oh, and that new addition that was mentioned above, it's not what you think it is. We're getting a dog. Toast OUT!!