Well, I'm not too far removed from vacation. Maybe if you play your cards right, you my very internet audience will get blessed with sweet sweet pics of the Toast and his special lady friend skiing in -30 degree temps. Oooh....fingers crossed, am I right.
But this post is not about skiing, nor is it about special lady friends. Vermont, seeing old college friends, mah back, and frigid North East temperatures, those topics are for the birds...or for later toastedblog posts. No, this post is not about any of that who-haw. Today we get to talk about something I know that you all are dying to hear about. DYING to hear about I say!!
TOASTIE's DETOX JAM '09!!! (must be read in monster truck jam stereotypical announcer voice to achieve comedic effect)
That's right boys and girls, the Toast here is cleaning house. To that, I say: "FUCK YOU TOXINS!!" Yeah. It's all Organic, All-Natural, Feel-Goodery for the next few weeks my loyal readers. A diet full o' detox. No sugar, no canned goods, no butter, no steak, no chipwiches, no preservatives, no sammiches, no grease, no delicious Arby's Roast Beef, no delicious Arby's Roast Beef smothered in Arby's and Horsey Sauce, no cheese, no BAR-be-que sauce, no booze!!!
Concerned Reader No. 413: "WHAT??!?!?! NO BOOZE!!! But Toastmaster General, You be Irish and shit!!!"
Well, I'll tell you this Concerned Reader No. 413, unfortunately dem's the breaks. After the next few weeks, the Toast here is going to be a hilarious, lean, machine of pure awesome that'll fit into his pants like no other. No, and mark my words on this next comment, this is no diet!!! This here is what we call a lifestyle change. A few weeks of not hitting the gym, combined with holiday and vacation eating, drinking like a champ, and logging a high number of couch hours has got me in the mood for a fresh slate. What better way to do that than to eat nothing but brown rice, veggies, fresh fruit, delicious free range bird, water, nuts and eggs.
Not only that, but I am going to start taking Yoga classes. What???!?! For real B??!?! Yeah, you read that right. I think all that stretching with the ladies in a room that's 90 degrees is going to work wonders for mah back. My only question, do I get to wear those yoga pants that make my butt look all tight and awesome like the ladies do at the gym; cause you know what, the Toast don't need that stuff. I gots me some sweatpants that fall down when I run. Those'll work fine.
I tell you what, all is so far so good here with the General, in regards to those pesky sugar withdrawals. Just don't pay attention when you see me running out of my local grocer's freezer, leaving a trail of discarded Ben & Jerry's containers in my wake. Oh sweet Vermonty Python, what shall thou do without thoust. Or something like that. It's good to be back, HEEEEEYYYY!!!!
But this post is not about skiing, nor is it about special lady friends. Vermont, seeing old college friends, mah back, and frigid North East temperatures, those topics are for the birds...or for later toastedblog posts. No, this post is not about any of that who-haw. Today we get to talk about something I know that you all are dying to hear about. DYING to hear about I say!!
TOASTIE's DETOX JAM '09!!! (must be read in monster truck jam stereotypical announcer voice to achieve comedic effect)
That's right boys and girls, the Toast here is cleaning house. To that, I say: "FUCK YOU TOXINS!!" Yeah. It's all Organic, All-Natural, Feel-Goodery for the next few weeks my loyal readers. A diet full o' detox. No sugar, no canned goods, no butter, no steak, no chipwiches, no preservatives, no sammiches, no grease, no delicious Arby's Roast Beef, no delicious Arby's Roast Beef smothered in Arby's and Horsey Sauce, no cheese, no BAR-be-que sauce, no booze!!!
Concerned Reader No. 413: "WHAT??!?!?! NO BOOZE!!! But Toastmaster General, You be Irish and shit!!!"
Well, I'll tell you this Concerned Reader No. 413, unfortunately dem's the breaks. After the next few weeks, the Toast here is going to be a hilarious, lean, machine of pure awesome that'll fit into his pants like no other. No, and mark my words on this next comment, this is no diet!!! This here is what we call a lifestyle change. A few weeks of not hitting the gym, combined with holiday and vacation eating, drinking like a champ, and logging a high number of couch hours has got me in the mood for a fresh slate. What better way to do that than to eat nothing but brown rice, veggies, fresh fruit, delicious free range bird, water, nuts and eggs.
Not only that, but I am going to start taking Yoga classes. What???!?! For real B??!?! Yeah, you read that right. I think all that stretching with the ladies in a room that's 90 degrees is going to work wonders for mah back. My only question, do I get to wear those yoga pants that make my butt look all tight and awesome like the ladies do at the gym; cause you know what, the Toast don't need that stuff. I gots me some sweatpants that fall down when I run. Those'll work fine.
I tell you what, all is so far so good here with the General, in regards to those pesky sugar withdrawals. Just don't pay attention when you see me running out of my local grocer's freezer, leaving a trail of discarded Ben & Jerry's containers in my wake. Oh sweet Vermonty Python, what shall thou do without thoust. Or something like that. It's good to be back, HEEEEEYYYY!!!!
4 comments:
Please buy the tight yoga pants anyhow.
Then we can hang out, I in my tight running pants and you in your tight yoga pants and we can have some kind of awesome party.
Is "detox" a little overboard for living life to its fullest? I would recommend just giving up one thing...fruit. Its for the birds.
Well good luck to you!!
It's possible to do...when I did a fast for my church I once gave up everything but veggies, fruits and bread for 30 days. I did it :)
Here's to a leaner toast!
Mmmmm...lean toast. So far so good on the not eating chipwiches front. 30 days of just asparugus and whole wheat bread, I don't think I could do it. Congrats Ash, doesn't it make you feel good?? I mean, I wake up and feel like supercharged or something. No more snail like movements.
Detox is a little overboard, I agree ECP, but when it comes to fitting in my slim fit pants, I'll take what I can get. (it should be noted that the Toast DOES NOT own or wear slim fit pants)
Dunford, when is the pants party?? I am SO in.
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