Good afternoon toasted blog enthusiasts. While I appreciate y'all gaining insight on the relm of the Toast, let me first explain how today's entry came to be. Last night I joined a few loveable characters down at Clark's Ale House for a spirited round of trivia and needless to say, Team Bo Hall didn't disapoint. We finished in a three way tie for first and spent our third place winnings from our last trip rather well through multiple beer purchases. Mmmmm...Hoptoberfest and Screamers. Anywho, to get to the point, the final question that Bo Hall encountered had to do with naming People magazine's sexist man of the year from the past 10 years. Now, if we had Javen amongst us, there would be no share of the top prize; but unfortunately we had to make do without him and we ended up getting 7 out of the 10. So, here we are (Team Bo Hall is: Billy, Rage Kage or Kathy to the layman, Jaime, Willie Moe, yours truly, and our two newest prospectives Tami and Elaine) and there has been a fair amount of drinking that has been involved. Conversations of listing our own personal top ten celebrities that we would want to sleep with are being tossed around and this is where we get to todays entry that is written especially for Jaime. Next, on a very special toastedblog, Toastie's top ten MILF's.
We begin the countdown at number ten and she's no slouch. Toasted Fans, I give you, Julianne Moore. Man, I love those redheads. She was Maude Lebowski, and she may be on this list for the following exchange alone:
Maude Lebowski: Do you like sex, Mr. Lebowski?
The Dude: 'Scuse me?
Maude Lebowski: Sex. The physical act of love. Coitus. Do you like it?
The Dude: I was talking about my rug.
Maude Lebowski: You're not interested in sex?
The Dude: You mean coitus?
Moving on, we have a pair of fightin' mommas at 9 and 8 that Toast finds awful attractive. Coming in at number 9 is Uma Thurman. Kinda tall at 6 feet but I'm 5'11" so I think we could make it work. Plus she could use some comforting after taking out the Deadly Viper Assasination Squad. Number 8 brings us Carrie-Anne Moss, or for you Sci-Fi geeks, Trinity from the Matrix Trilogy. Something about a lady in black vinyl kickin' ass and takin' names. Woah (say it like Keanu).
Number 7. 7's the key number here. Think about it. 7-Elevens. 7 doors. 7, man, that's the number. 7 chipmunks twirlin' on a branch, eatin' lots of sunflowers on my uncle's ranch. You know that old children's tale from the sea. It's like you're dreamin' about Gorgonzola cheese when it's clearly Brie time, baby. Step into my office. Sorry, getting carried away with movie quotes. Stupid Something About Mary affecting my thought process. Anyway, at Number 7 we have Diane Lane. Watch Unfaithful and you'll understand why.
At number 6 we have a momma that supports the cellular phone era and looks good doing so, none other than Catherine Zeta Jones herself. Not much to explain with this one. She's just incredible looking.
Stacy Carosi, Carrie Heffernan, Vince Vaughn's wife in Old School; do any of these names sound familiar?? Well, if so you know that at number 5 we have Leah Remini and you also know that she's hot, and funny to boot. Now that is just something that you can't leave off this list.
All the way down to number 4 already and in now way is this blog affecting my work production. So without further adeiu, Angelina Jolie. I'm officially speechless.
Number 3 gives us the only non baby's momma on the list, but she plays one on t.v. so it counts. Certain days after work at the gym, a couple of ladies on the treadmills watch the Gilmore Girls while they walk and chat. That is when my interest in the show first started, because of Lorelai, or in the real world, Lauren Graham. I don't know if its the sparkling personality, the witty sense of humor, the awful big words she uses, or that fact that she's wicked attractive. In any event, it was difficult to place her on the toastedblog list at number 3.
We're down to the final two and both have blessed the content of toastedblog on repeated occasions, and damn they're fine. You all should think so too. THINK IT!!! To finally finish this mutha off, lets get to number 2, hee hee hee. Sorry. At number 2, we have Kate Beckinsale. Oh my, she's easy on the eyes. You may remember past toastedblogs, such as the last one, where the Toast questions Ben Affleck and mentions his fondness for hot English Actresses named Kate. And I looked into it, she has been knocked up. Dang!!!
You've suffered through this list long enough and hopefully I didn't lose any readers with this one. But Toasts have to do what are asked of them so we come to the conclusion of Toastedblog's Top Ten Hottest MILF's. This one is no surprise to me but may be to some. She's musically talented and baby crazy, well maybe not baby crazy but she is baby's momma and the Toast is nuts for her, which is pretty much gravy. All confusion on that last statement should be directed to Carl Spackler of Caddyshack. I'm getting away from the topic. Toastedblog's Nunber 1 is none other than Liz Phair. Toast has always been a big fan of her music and hotness, now I am finally displaying it on the internet. Thank god!! Well, that's it. Can the flu be the scapegoat for shotty writting and bad humor?? Its going to be. However, some good has come out of all of this, my newfound addiction to Halls Cough Drops. Its the mentholyptus that makes 'em good. Drive safe everybody.
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1 comment:
C'mon toast. Weak number one, at best. Plus, Angelina Jolie adopts weird Asian chitlins with B-
Bob, that's a technicality, at best. Also, how do you not mention Leah Remini's stint on Saved By The Bell Summer? Stacey Carosi, dude. I'm drunk. Peter's closed, and that makes me sad. Talked to my bartender buddy at BL's tonight. I told him about our "delicate situation" and he just laughed and said, "oh, that was you?" Sons of bitches. I hate you all. The Siena - Iona game is only $1 tomorrow, suckas!!
I'm still drunk.
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