Welcome to Chumpsville!

Paging Dr. Marcus C. Chumps (aka Phelps). So you think you know better than me Phelps?? Think the Eagles of the 80's were dominant against the Giants huh? What are your feelings on the Backstage Betty's (my fantasy league football team) or your opinion on me eating candy bars ? What would happen if you and I wrastled?? Oklahoma drills?? Doughnut eating contest?? Alright, I take the last one back.

Who here knows Phelps? Ok, I had to ask before I got into explaining a little bit about this Dr. Chaos who Toast is happy to call one of his friends....I think. Simply put, Phelps is a mass of man. Picture if you will, a refrigerator shaped gentleman with the face of Dave Matthews. He hails from Jersey, or at least now he does, and lives amongst us as he demolishes medical school; hence all of the doctor references. A man of many traits and a magnificent reindeer fleece, Phelps is a machine when it comes to suggesting pizza toppings, analyzing the blitzing Eagles defense, maintaining fairway accuracy in Golden Tee, demanding Arby's on road trips, and getting his friends roaring drunk with his vast knowledge of drinking games (Pizza Box!!!). I still haven't mentioned his ability to wow us in the kitchen with those cheesy bacon biscuit things he brings out for football watchin' Sundays; ooohhh.......they're good. With this kind of versatility being brought to the table, Phelps is definitely a dude's dude. He's even developed his own sandwich. I would kill for a McPhelps right now!!

Lately, Phelps and I have developed a funny hostility to our friendship. You know, lots of smack talk. I'll say something like the following (actual exchange took place): "Instead of giving you a thumbs up as I saw you drive by on the way to Pat's Pub, I seriously contemplated just flipping you off." Phelps will react with a giggling laugh and a "Damn you Toastie!" I'll call him Chumps or Chump Phelps, he'll make comments about his hatred of the Betty's and threaten my health. I'll try to start pushing him around and tackle him into the ground. Phelpsie will come back and toss me around like a small child. But its all good baby. We joke around and then he passes along much of his worldly knowledge to me, almost like a tutor or mentor. "Hey Toastie, this is how you curve the ball around obstacles and make sure to lighten up on those downhill putts" or "No Toastie, first its a nice, spread out layer of horseradish, then you top with mustard; now you know the correct way to take on a roast beef sandwich at Clarke's Ale House." He'll make sure you know to listen to "The Weight", hit on waitresses on road trips to Montreal (even after purchasing powder blue Retro Expos jersey) , and play cards with you in any circumstances, especially on Chigago road trips stuck near Gary, IN. Good times with Phelpsie. Good times. I hate Gary!

Someone said the following to me over the weekend: "I don't know how to tell you this, but ODB is dead." Not Big Baby Jesus! Definitely not Big Baby Jitters!! But a world without Dirt McGurt, I can't imagine. Now, for the last time, "Dir-tay, baby I got ya' money!"

Speaking of weekend, I had a great one. First off, Friday was filled with hanging out with my good buddy Chuck, which other than a Monday trip to see Rachel at the Blarney Stone for a beer and some wingies complete with football and our weekly lunch trip to for chinese on Fridays doesn't happen that often of late. Chuck was my roommate in college and someone I consider to be my best friend so needless to say that it is a good thing when we hang out together. We didn't do anything too crazy, just stayed at his place for a bit with some beers and an 11:00 PM run to the local pub for some darts.

Saturday involved my first trip to the Dinosaur Barbeque in a little bit and my first hockey game viewing of the year (Damn you NHL!). Went with good buddy Billy, his girlfriend Kathy, her friend Jaime who was pretty cool I thought, her brother Chris (I was calling him 15 all night because of his birthday being the 15th of Dec., as oppossed to my brother's which is Dec. 16th; don't ask why, alcohol was involved) and his girlfriend. I had never met a few of these people before but they quickly received the Toasted Stamp of Approval for their ability to make me laugh, which isn't very hard but is always welcome. I had a sandwich that could've bitten your head off and would have made many jealous. Picture if you will, layered on a huge roll, bbq beef, jalepenos, pulled pork, melted cheese, and topped with coleslaw. So delicious yet so deadly for those around me during the digestion period. That sandwich was worth any potential gas embarrassment and that holds true to this day. It was great to watch hockey again and has made me impatient for the start of my season. I really miss playing all of the time. Makes me long for the glory days in High School, well at least the hockey season. The evening rounded out at some bar I had never been too before but with someone in our party knowing the bartender, beers were aplenty and Jameson Irish Whiskey has become my favorite drink of all time. You top all that of with a tremendous dang it of a Giants loss to Arizona but witnessing that game at Pats with Billy Shannon and the previously described Chump Phelps, now thats a good time. That's a weekend you can't beat with a stick!!