Useless Item No. 6438: Stupid Pocket on Pants

Currently I am wearing pants; khaki pants. What I want to know is, can someone please tell me what the hell this tiny pocket up near the right-side front belt loop is for and what it is doing there?? Take a look at the link; go ahead...I'll wait.

Really, is someone going to put change in that fucking thing?? I think it's supposed to be for one of those pocket watches on a chain but is anyone aside from men clad in bowler hats (see also: derby) and a monocle circa early 1900's still using those things. And the pocket just keeps getting bunched up under there while I wear these bad boys and office folk here give me strange looks as I attempt to straighten that damn thing out.

What's the deal pant makers?? Can't a guy just get a regular pair of khaki's anymore, without all of these randomly placed pockets, pouches, and fucking zippers?? All I want is a pair of khaki pants that I can wear to work that make my butt look amazing so kool-aid would like to get all up ons, either before I leave for the office or when I drag my ass in the door following a long day workin' for the man. I didn't ask for random pockets to be placed wherever you wanted. And who are the case studies these pant producers reference when they are green-lighting pant prototypes?? If I ever run into the designer who thought the idea of a random pocket right underneath the front belt loop was a bang-up idea I'm going to kick them in the shin....HARD. These guys are probably the same guys that ride their bike to work and brag about it. I can't get started on them now so we'll have to devote an entire post to those people soon.

**Sidenote**
Don't even think like the Toast is all against riding bikes to work. It's a dynamite way to get some exercise, save on gas, and help the environment. But do they have to rub it in our faces by walking into the office all sweaty carrying their twelve speed decked out like fucking Lance Armstrong??

also gonna hit y'all with some of this....POW!!

Assorted Random Toast Highlights:

- Today's post-lunch iTunes pop up of "Mah Nà Mah Nà" from The Muppet Show leaves the Toast with a little extra bounce in his step.

- I popped a filling in a molar on Friday and yesterday featured my first trip to a dentist not named Dr. James Carpenter. At first it was a bit odd but then I got to know the Bolivian dental hygienist. Nice!

- Few things satisfy like driving along with the windows down as you pump "Brass Monkey".

- Jello pudding cups care fucking delicious and they should be included in every lunch at all costs.

- Pearl Jam tix are still not on sale. This is me, waiting patiently.

- This past Saturday morning featured a post-gym, three hour plus, online fantasy baseball draft complete with gratuitous amounts of chocolate milk, an egg, ham, and cheese bagel, a touch of the "good stuff", and a viewing of Robocop. Few things have made me happier; is that sad?? That being said, my team, the Spanish Pantalones, is the shit!!

- I made a ham on Easter, what of it??

- It's 65 degrees and sunny outside, how can I get out of the office and start golfing??

- Kool-aid is sick; sexy time is at an all time low, video game playing steadily rising.

- Make mental note to eat more eggo waffles as those fuckers are tasty.