"I used to be a renegade, I used to fool around. But I couldn't take the punishment, and had to settle down"

Ah Huey Lewis. You are sooo..awesome. But this post is unfornately not about you. (Dangited!!) Lately I have been throwing some things around my head and I am still pretty much at a loss at what to do. Now, I have been playing rugby regularly for the past 5 years and I am wondering whether or not to, as they say, hang 'em up. The cleats that is. hang 'em up, you know, retire. I still really love to play, I just don't know if I can keep devoting the amount of time and effort anymore. Plus my body is really beginning to hate me. If you had my knees and shoulders you'd understand.

To start this off, rugby came back to me really at a time in need. Back in '03 I was to experience a terrible break up following a long relationship and I spent the next few months in a funk to end all funks. As a way to break myself free and just forget what was going on I chose to look into something I had always had the desire of doing, which was, playing rugby. aside from a few practices when I was in college I really didn't have too much experience and due to my previously reconstructed shoulder, rugby never had gotten the full go ahead with me. but, the beautiful thing about rugby is, it's easy to learn. as long as you can run like crazy, don't mind getting hit, like short shorts, and can make some tackles (no matter how big the fella running at you is) you can play rugby.

over the next few years I began to rediscover who I was while playing this game. I love contact. I love to get hit and make some hits. I just love being active and competitive and along the way I was fortunate enough to have made some lifelong friends and to pretty much get in the best shape of my young life. I was single for the most part and having a blast getting my head stomped on. I made some plays, was a part of many road trips, won championships, drank a ton, broke my thumb, broke a tooth, disclocated my knee on seperate occasions, and I am pretty sure that I destroyed some ligaments in my right ankle, all without missing a single game and all the while having a blast.

well, a number years have passed and I have found myself at a crossroads. when I moved down here to virginia one of the first things that I did find local rugby squads to be a part of. only problem was that I didn't really get settled down here when I started and the past few rugbyless months have kind of shown me who I am now-a-days. Don't get me wrong, I'm still wicked awesome. Just now I am unsure what I want to do as I am now relationship toast. and this is in no way a bad thing, its great even. Rugby, you see, takes a great deal of time and time is a luxury when you are a 28 year old with a shitload to do. but when you have to devote two nights a week to practice, your entire saturday getting hit and then drinking, and follow that up with a sunday of recovery, there is not much left for you to get out there and really live. throw in the fact that the rugby season is: winter getting in shape and healing all wounds (I believe I have a small tear in my right knee and with the majority of the past few months spent resting and gaining weight I still don't think everything is gravy), spring season from march till may, a few weeks off, summer sevens, a few weeks off, pre-season workouts at the end of summer, and fall season lasting from labor day to mid november, what time is there to have for yourself?? I am constantly looking into things to do with kool-aid, you know, fun outdoorsy stuff and am doing a great job jotting some down and even joining a few. Camping, hiking, an ultimate frisbee league (which I've joined), softball, going to shows, traveling, mountain biking..how am I going to accomplish this with a frenzied rugby schedule??

Realistically I am just getting my thoughts out on paper...so to speak. Of course I am going to continue playing but who really knows for how long. I was serious about the tear in the knee thing. I mean, I do really think that there is something wrong there. But I have always had this vision of myself playing well into my forties and having my family at games watching dad get run over only to occasionally make a good play. Besides, I do really love to play. It just takes so much out of me and my body is already doing its best to fall apart. rugby is just so fuckin' great to be a part of though. "what are you doing this weekend?? Oh, playing rugby, thats bad ass." "why are you walking around like that?? got injured playing rugby the other day, jebus you're awesome!!" needless to say, I'll be back at it here in a few days as practices for the spring are already under way. I just think I need a bit longer to relax and get the head straight. I really do love playing the game, its just some of the things that go with it that make me second guess.