Toastedblog presents: "The Toastie Story: Booze, Drugs, Guns, Lies, Blackmail, and Laughter"

*Disclaimer* This Blog is not based on 715 Lancaster, so there are no Shovelball references. That shall be discussed in future editions of Toastedblog*

**Contents edited via comments made by Daniel Banazek**

Good afternoon toastedblog faithful; how we all doing?? Well, we have a lot to get to today so you better pick up your sticks and get ready. Despite my best efforts of late to ruin my internet rep, I have actually decided on a topic to write about so this entry of toasted information will not be some rehashed and edited former toastedblogs nor will it be the nonsense encountered last week, which I like to refer to as definitely non-Scottish and we all know our rule here; if its not Scottish, ITS CRAP!! (whiny background voice: "But Toast, we thought you were Irish?") Dang it, no time to explain, who asked that question anyway?? Alright, I'm almost entirely Irish with a wee bit of Scot, but I'm all man!!! I was just trying to use a Saturday Night Live quote from back in the day. We better with the explanation now? Ok, on with the show.

Today, we are all going on a journey. We have a bit of time traveling to do so I hope y'all gassed up your DeLorians. Get ready to cue Jitter with the "where we're going, we don't need roads" line cause we're heading Back....to the Future!!! Dang it, that's where Michael J. Fox was trying to go. We're just going back to the year 2000; the reason, the origin of the Toast.

**key sidenote: Billy, I am eagerly awaiting copy of Chigago weekend tape. See Jitter's line**


1.21 Gigowatts!!!

The year was 2000/2001. The NY Football Giants are being led by a confirmed drunken racist and a man pushing his chips to the center of the table.....this team is going to the playoffs. Great movies like Big Momma's House and Chicken Run are tearing up the Box Office, Sisqo and the Baha Men were hittin' the streets with some brand new flava in your ear, and apparently Rob Thomas is the best songwriter known to man. Is this before the time he collaborated with Carlos Santana. I threw up in my mouth a little bit every time I heard that song "Smooth". Here we find the days of the band Everclear going from hard rock to cheese pop (ever listen to "AM Radio" or "Wonderful"....sigh), something was going on in Friends, and Conan's "In the Year 2000" skit reached new hilarity with the year actually being 2000. It was a time between Super Nintendo and Gamecube so Nintendo 64 was all the rage. Back then, Napster was free, Tool was about to release their first new album since 1996 and we were still a year away from a Star Wars Episode II disappointment. The days of Bent, Bye Bye Bye, return of Bon Jovi (Yeah Rage!!!) and Sting, even though he required some new age singer, and U2 was about to launch their most annoying album since Pop, which also happened to be their first release since Popmart tour. Dammit, Bono sure was everywhere following "All That You Can't Leave Behind" (coincidentally led to the downfall of my relationship with U2's music). Ah 2000......Sweet Cutlass, a girlfriend a full foot shorter than me (but I'm 5'11"), Banazek and his Bert pipe, Billy was a new phenomenon to me (I had no idea what a Rage Kage was at this point), Zany Brainy employment, living with little Crapper and Badass, across from Kyle, being 21 finally and a certain household that is responsible for my last four years. The place, 715 Lancaster Ave.

This was my senior year of college, well, 2000-2001. Good ol' LeMoyne. GO DOLPHINS!!! Anyway, the beer tasted sweeter, rent became a fun chore that had not yet been realized until then, I was living on mac and che and hamburger helper, learning how to pay bills, and finally spending the majority of my nights at the house down the street with large men clad in fleece sweatpants to combat their living room temperature. This was 715 Lancaster; complete with a frigid living room capable of keeping 30 packs of 'Stones refreshing, plates with nothing but ketchup (or catsup) and stranded french fries left on them, obvious remnants from Potter, the house's resident hippy, recliners in the reclined position and Nitty Gritty Dirt Band in the stereo. The house had to have about 7 bedrooms in it, let alone the hidden, closet sized bathroom underneath the stairway which featured low slanted ceilings perfect for drunken head resting. The people, why this house was loaded with the most outrageous of characters, some of whom you have heard of, the others, just stories and myths. There was Willie Moe, Javen, our hippy friend Potter, Uncle Jitter during vacations and off season (complete with dog bed), Danny (Pre/Post Relationship Banazek), and Laurie, otherwise known as Bertha. All of 715's inhabitants had graduated from college a year or two before I was set to finish up, either from LeMoyne or Syracuse and I had met all of them at one time or another. Some I worked with, some I met through current friends at the time, but I was destined to fit in amongs them and it was here that the legend of Toasty began.

**Note the spelling of Toasty, the Portuguese spelling with the -ie ending would become official Toastie nomenclature in 2002 following trip to visit Uncle Jitter overseas, where I also broke Harold Arceneaux's lamp while hammered. To request action shot of this historic event, please forward address to Toastedblog.blogspot.com**

Over the year, I found myself hanging out an awful lot with those lovable boys from the other end of Lancaster. At this point of time, I am known only as Casey, which despite what you may have heard Toastedblog fans, is my actual name. Nights were spent at 715 watching sports, drinking heavily, discussing classic TV shows like the Fall Guy, playing drinking games, popcorn ball toss, slugging bottles of Jim Beam, NHL 94, singing Return to Pooh Corner, dang it-ing, drinking more, yelling, and all around tomfoolery. The site of the original greatest weekend ever, home of that years NFL playoff viewing, and I am pretty sure the only place Rhen saw when he visited central NY with Tommy was that living room, it was a great place to just hang out and let three or four days just pass you by without even noticing. One evening, right around the time of March Madness, I was called to head over to watch some basketball and drink all of the Utica Club I could get my hands on. However, a bunch of my housemates decided to hang out on my end of Lancaster, at not quite as good ol' 946 Lancaster. Seeing as how at this point of my collegiate career I had a lady friend who would frequently stay overnight, I opted stay around the house, hang out, have couple beers and play everyone's least favorite drinking game but the easiest to get underway, Asshole. However, I did not let my lovable band of gents at 715 know of my plans, and as they got drunker, they got more irrate. Javen, got so mad, he went to question my whereabouts with a bellowing yell that sounded a bit like this: "WHERE"S TOASTY?!?!?!" The other housemates, looking bewildered, also wondered where this Toasty character was. This would remain unanswered until I entered 715 late that evening all hammered looking for some more drinking. But something was different this time when I walked in the front door. Instead, of being greeted with a hey, or what's up Casey; the name Toasty erupted from the general vicinity of the living room. I didn't know where this came from so I just went along with it. Little did I know it would change my life forever!!!

Since that faithful night, the name Toasty has gone through a ton of makeovers. From the perennial favorites like Toastmaster General and Mayor McToast, weird French versions like Le Toast, made up names like Toaster Toasterson, all the way to the present Toastie, which I think is the tops. Realistically, the nickname has given me an identity that Casey could only dream of. Imagine this site as Caseyblog. You kiddin' me?!?! I'd much rather be Toastie, the lovable Irish scamp, than just plain Casey Cregg. Who wants to read about that?? That's right, no one. Well, no one other than my Dad, he gave me this name. If it were up to my Mom, I would have been Squire Brandon Cregg and thus not be here today because I definitely wouldn't have made it out of High School. Thank God for Pops Cregg right?! So, there you have it, the origin of Toastie. Its not great, but it is all that I've got.

I wish it was the 60's, I wish I could be happy, I wish, I wish, I wish something would happen.

I'm daffy and British; but Toast loves it!!

I have five minutes left in my day here and thought that I would share recent Radiohead mix I created. This was actually put together five minutes earlier. Do I know how to kill time or what??

Pyramid Song
National Anthem
2+2=5
Fake Plastic Trees
Creep
Punchup at a Wedding
Lucky
No Ripcord
Optimistic
High and Dry
There There
Paranoid Android
No Surprises
Street Spirit
Go To Sleep
Stop Whispering
Climbing Up the Walls
I Might Be Wrong
The Gloaming

Awesome!!! Enjoy the weekend; I don't have to be back to work till Tuesday. WOOO!!

Its Toastedblog, an event greater than the World Cup....the World Series....and World War II combined!!

Its Valentine's Day, the greatest event known to man!!! Also, its a holiday made up for the sole purpose of having men spend money on their significant other through the purchase of chocolates, jewelry, and stuffed animals. How is this supposed to work again?? Oh well, we here at Toastedblog don't fear the Valentine's Day Reaper. The only holiday we're concerned with preparations for here at headquarters is St. Patricks Day. I sure hope my "I Got Lucky at McGinty's Pub" T-shirt still fits cause that could throw everything off. Quick sidenote to the don't fear the reaper comment just made. Think back if you will to a summer afternoon at the B II and the backyard barbecues that they used to have on Wednesdays. Remember that one drunk who came complete with shaky demeanor, indecipherable drunk talk, and the brilliant scent no man pouring his life away should never be without, urine!! We called him BOC for his crazy look and the ridicule he took whenever Blue Oyster Cult was ever mentioned. That one night when we tried to get him to come with us to Trappers for more beers but he kept saying that he wasn't allowed to go there, for some reason I can only guess had to be alcohol related. But Jitter would not be denied and we opted to disguise him as Jitter's uncle (Not Uncle Jitter) but he ended up getting out of the car on the way there.

Ok, I am getting off of the subject. Now to really get off the subject, whatever happened to the band Bush. I am currently listening to Chuck's Mix, 1993-94 edition, and it starts off with Everything Zen. Got me thinking, we all know that Gavin Rossdale is hitched with the love of Phelpsy's life, Gwen Stefani, but Bush was everywhere that year, even the year or two following 1994. With hits like Machinehead, Little Things, Comedown, and Glycerine, they just fell of the face of the earth the last few years, although I liked the song "The Chemicals Between Us" from the 1999 album The Science of Things. Its not like I am a huge Bush fan or anything, but its all too familiar with music from back in the day. In 1994, MTV still played some videos. VH1 had never even thought of having a top 20 countdown that featured rap, and reality tv was contained to the Real World, before MTV realized that it could also ruin that by getting the kids in the house all plastered and hooking up with one another. The show used to have some merit, now it is just some girl with big boobs starved for attention, a few gay guys, some other girl that won't break up with her boyfriend and thinks that every problem in her life is no way her fault, a redneck with a heart of gold, and some curly haired dude. Can you tell that I was hung over on Sunday. Dammit Billy's birthday. Damn you!!! To tie all this nonsense together, Gavin Rossdale recently did a song with the Blue Man Group called "Current", or something. You can only get hot information like this here at Toastedblog, remember to re-up your subscriptions for only $12.99.


That's some good clean family fun right there.

Speaking of Billy's birthday, it was a few days ago and on Saturday night, Rage Kage (Billy's lady friend Kathie, yeah I wonder where they get it too, tee hee) got a few of his lovable and handsome friends together for a few beers. It was quite the time, although I took the notion of having a few beers and really went with it, you know. I wasn't crazy or anything, but I certainly felt a little groggy on Sunday morning. Had to be the endless supply of draft beer and poor choice of half a sandwich for dinner. But, did I mention that the particular sandwich in question was a reuben. A leftover reuben, hence the half part, but oh so delicious!!! I don't think I have ever closed out Clarks before or knew that Bill's sister Kate had a love for Mr. Show. By the way, the name of the Patriotic Country Singer in the sending the monkey to blow up the moon was C.S. Lewis Jr. Don't mess with God's America!! Now only if I could remember some more of the song lyrics.

I have been plugging away at this blog for a little while now. Actually, it has only been about three minutes of typing, but it has been continuously maximized/minimized since 9am. Ah......the beauty of updating nonsense information for the benefit of my internet readers. In all seriousness though, taking a birds eye look at this blog is making me throw up a little in my mouth. It's that bad. There is no flow, no awesome quotable lines for the kids to use on the street. All we have is a clever title partially stolen from a movie, a cute picture, also stolen from a movie, a bunch of garbage in between, and a Toast, writing at his desk while listening to Radiohead and avoiding work. Well, if this isn't a good enough reason to get another computer I don't know what is. I was actually looking into doing so seeing as how I have been computerless for sometime now. I saw a commercial for a Gateway Notebook for like $699. Seemed like a good deal, although I know nothing about the Notebook being offered and its capabilities. Perhaps this sounds like a job for the tax return??? Toastedblogs written at home.....is it even possible????

Well, this officially marks the last time I write a Toastedblog entry with nothing to talk about. If Toastedblog continues down this path, folks are going to start to consider it bush league. Hahahahaaahahhahaha (maniacal laugh)......Danny. A well written entry complete with thought and purpose shall follow this up later in the week.

Welcome to Toastedblog, where it's always warm, comfortable.......and handsome!

Sometimes the world looks perfect
Nothin' to rearrange
Sometimes you just
Get a feelin' like you need some kind of change

Standin' tall
On the wings of my dream
Rise and fall
On the wings of my dream

Rain and thunder, the wind and haze
I'm bound for better days

It's my life
It's my dream
Nothin's gonna stop me now.

Now that we have our theme song out of the way we can get on with the show, or the big dance which I often call it. Today I would like to introduce all Toastedblog fans to a glipse of my courtship with my new ladyfriend. Here we go, a little ham and eggs comin' at ya....better get your griddles.

**actual events may not have occurred outside of Toastie's head**

Dear Eva Longoria,

My Name is Toastie, well, that's what a lot of my friends call me. My name is actually Casey. I'm a loveable Irish scamp who knows how to make ladies laugh with fun humor and sheer overall stupidity. Well....uh....not sure how to say this so I just will; I think you're pretty. In Maxim Magazine, I read that you love sports. What a coincidence; I also love sports!!! Did I mention that I was 5'11"?? Just wanted to say hello.

Sincerely,

Casey Cregg (Toastie)

As you can see that that I have begun said courtship through the written letter. I find that the written word is much more meaningful than lets say a phone call or what they call on the streets as a shout out or holla. I choose not to "holla at bitches". Rather, a classy letter or one that sounds as though you are about 11 years old and asking a girl to check the yes box on a note that asks do you like me. Lets see how this one plays out.

Dear Casey,

You sound adorable and you're right, I do LOVE sports!! I appreciate the complement on my looks, you're too sweet. But, I'm just like every other girl; I'm just looking for the right guy. Its hard out there at times to find that person and all I am looking for is a man who is 25 years old and irish who can grow a red beard, a former standout collegiate hockey player who also won the Heisman trophy under a pseudo-name, enjoys the precision passing of Phil Simms in Super Bowl XXI, loves sandwiches that are prepared for him, makes me laugh uncontrollably, has the ability to drink with his friends for three straight days and will let me be his sugar momma; because, lets face it, I make a lot of money. However, I'm afraid that I will never find this dream guy......unless........it's you?? Oh yeah, he has to be 5'11" too; I find that to be the most attractive height out there. Write back, you sound nice.

Love,

Eva

PS-How tall did you say you were??


I don't care if he doesn't watch my show, I loves me those goofy Irish men!!

Ooh....Jackpot!! Now, through a series of letters and timely phone calls my personality and charm begins to take its toll on Ms. Longoria. You all know how I do!! Within minutes of speaking and making a complete fool out of myself, I can turn on the panache and the distinctive elegance of a cavalry officer. I am not quite sure what that means but I like the sound of it. However, all that I know is that my ability to be a doofy moron has paid off. She has no chance and we are currently looking at apartments on the Boston Area granted everything goes well with grad school. Nothing is quite like being 5'11"!!

In other news, the Change O'Pacers are unfortunately not heading to the playoffs following last nights loss to the Syracuse Fireman. I think they brought in some ringers for the game. Had we fully "utilized the ring around the Toastie" game plan first presented be Uncle Jitter, the outcome may have been different, but I'm not suggesting that's why we lost. We couldn't hit a shot in the first half. At one point, about 2/3rds the way through the half, it was 9 to 7. The second half began with the score 29-7. We ended up losing by about 20 to a good team, something like 63 to 45. Good guys, a little rough with some of their fouls that were never called, but a good team nonetheless. The big news was Toastie upping the ante a bit and scoring 11 points, including knocking a three pointer down his first shot of the game, which drew the quote of "Coooolld Bloooded" as I ran back past Billy and Phelpsy on the bench. I was scoring inside and outside, and that never happens, probably never will again. A sad note to end our season though, had we won we would have made the playoffs at 5th place. We finished the season strong by improving quite a bit from our first game out there. Playing together as a team, passing, good team defense, and just plain hustle, thats how we played. We finished up having a beer together as a team at our bar, and sponsor, the good old Change Of Pace, and talking about funny and great moments over the course of the season, and there were plenty of them. I had a lot of fun playing with those guys, even though I don't have any legit basketball experience. However, we may not be fully done as we are currently looking at some options to join spring leagues. The only trouble there besides getting people to show up to a gym on a nice spring day is that I begin the rugby season in March and April, and I also have softball and a summer hockey league. Could be interesting but I'd like to see it happen. I was starting not to be that bad.

Well, its 12:52 and time to head to lunch, or as I should say, go to the gym for an hour and then eat a sandwich afterwards. Happy Ash Wednesday to all my fellow Irish Catholics; the regulars too. Take care and we'll catch ya on the flip flop.

Kookin' der yummee-yummers!

And so it begins, countdown to the Super Bowl toastedblog faithful. However, more importantly, the end of Phelps reign of culinary supreme amongst my friends. Chumps, you shall finally have your comeuppance!!! Now that I am all riled up my internet readers, its time to get into this anger ridden saga.

Phelps, or as I refer to him, Chumps is a cooking machine, a tasty food connoisseur, and my sworn nemesis. For the years that we have known him Chumps here will whip up some delicious concoction of bacon and cheese while we sit around drinking and watching something as mindless as Nascar Sunday (Cue the Pizza Box), or the Surreal Life and it will satisfy you to the core. Phelpsy here knows exactly what type of cheese will go perfectly with a specific type of meat to form one super sandwich (the McPhelps sounds terrific), is constantly trying to cook new and interesting things for others enjoyment, has highly detailed knowledge of the many different combinations of toppings that belong on a deep dish pizza, and has ruined every attempt that I have made in getting some toasted delicacies out there and enjoyed!!


First we have, der chocolate, und de moose. Yum yum yum with der chocolate. Fix de morkin, yoo betcha!

Ever since my parents split up when I was in Seventh grade I have spent much more time with my father than my mother, and he has taught me a few things. Often, he has talked to me about his lady conquests (weird), know when to say when, be helpful towards my friends because at times you will need their help, to always tip your bartender (in my case, especially Rachel), the fact that Jethro Tull rules, and the standard "give it your best". However, another important little tidbit that Pops Cregg has always thrown my way, the ability to cook and the importance of knowing how to do so. Over the years, Big John has shown me the light. Taught me how to make everything from pasta to how to get a steak good and medium rare. The delicious meals that he learned from Grandma Toast he passed onto me, even the ability to bake world famous cookies. I am very proud of the fact that I have developed a talent and real enjoyment for cooking, however, this knowledge is seldom put to use, other than cooking for myself and a lucky lady....dang!! So, I have since turned to my friends in this situation, and this is when Phelps comes in and steals my thunder. Dammit Chumps!!

The past few Super Bowls that I have spent with my friends have involved a fair deal of eating and drinking, as well they should. We all get together and have a grand ol' time, and the game is seldom important. The Super Bowl is like a holiday, and the day after should be a standard holiday as well cause that's a rough Monday. Anywho, us Chigago boys and gals will gather at a central locale, started at 751 Lancaster and has progressed all the way from Pats, Billy's old place, and finally the last few years at Teall and the current realm of Sir Shannon (that's right Bill, apparently you've been knighted, k-nig-hits!). I think, what a great time to showcase my hidden talent of making delicious feasts, I'll start prepping for chili. Then, are you ready for the....WOO..the hurricane, and Phelps comes swooping in with cheesy bacon biscuits, shrimp quesadillas, delicious raspberry torte thing with brie and no one is eating my tasty casey-dillas, cause we're too full on Phelpsy's spread. "But the chili is almost done, you have to let it simmer so it can truly mix togeth.....what?......Yeah, I can get you another beer Javen". Tremendous dang it!!!

Well not this year. There's going to be a few changes around here. Well that, and Chumps is out of town in Champlain, Illinois playing Doctor. Oohh, I'm Phelps, I'm in med school and on internships. Now's when I make my move. Phelps is still planning on joining us to watch his beloved Chump Eagles play in the Super Bowl, but he's going to be coming from Champlain and hence, there will be no time to produce delicious Phelps treats. Is our Super Bowl gathering lost?? How will we eat?? Order pizza, that'll take forever! Well, don't fret boys, the food that is overlooked via Chumps and his work is about to shine!!! I have taken the last few days and prepared a list of food that I need and shall start getting it done!!! An eclectic menu of delicious and cheese topped foods more exciting than a donkey chokin' on a waffle, definitely more exciting than Phelps baked products. After all of this rambling, I better not screw up. I can always just bring about 7 bags of nuggets and a chicken wing pizza.

**Key sidenote, Phelps really does make some great eats**

Thursday and Friday night I will finish preparing due to an immensely popular Toasted Saturday in which I have a rugby get together around 1pm and the SU v. Notre Dame game at 9pm. Our team is having a bowling tournament, to raise some money, see each other for a little bit, have some beers, have some more beers, and attempt to bowl, and then attempt to drive home. I have already asked a Toastedblog favorite Billy the potential favor of driving the Toast to the game. Hopefully I'll be able to control myself so he's not needed in that way and can focus on getting himself and Rage Kage around, but he said he would answer the call if needed. That's my Billy!!!

Finally, we have a quick update on the Toastedblog quest to regain musical edge. I made a mix cd at Chucks last week that was loaded with hits from the 80's and random light poppy music such as the Talking Heads, Liz Phair, Franz Ferdinand, Velvet Underground, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, David Bowie, and the Clash. That gets a Grade D- in edge, but Grade A in overall listen to ability. Following that mix, another was produced on Friday night with the help of Chuck's friend Goldie, Chuck himself, and alcohol. We got some rockin in there with the likes of Nine Inch Nails, Helmet, Chevelle, old school GNR, Rage, Audioslave, the Hives, Filter, and naturally some Pearl Jam, amongst others. We also have received a rather noble gift of a stack of Chuck's Mixes, Vol. 1 through....all of them I think. There literally is a stack of 50 mix cds that Chuck no longer has use for. I have brought a large portion to work and are currently sitting next to me. As we you are reading this, no wait, as I typed this listening to Shallow be thy Game by the Chili Peppers. Good times, good times. Also, Billy has made me a few "classy rap" mixes that I have listened to a little (I only got them last night). I only have a brief history with them but Bill, I think you hit the nail on the head. More information as it arrives.

I'm outie 5,000!!