"Kickstart My Heart"

Callin' out all riverboat gamblers!!! Who had June 26th as the date for toastedblog's triumphant return, arising from the ashes like the mighty phoenix...or some other town in Arizona. HA! Hilarious, it never gets old. So, where was I?? Hmmmm......where the hell has toastedblog been all this time?? Well internet audience, excellent query. To be truthful the only reason that I can truly cite thats worthy enough to warrant such a long internet publishing layoff is, and will always be, diarrhea. Yep, thats it. I had a raging case of mud butt. For close to eleven months. It was awful. Not good times for all involved.

Now, with that fine excuse being thrown out there, I can now look to trying to jump start this blog for all those that may be interested. About two weeks ago I found myself out in the Electric City visiting amongst a few of the boys for ECP's bachelor party. Amongst all the general debauchery and my near death the day following said party it was brought to my attention that this blog my actually be missed. Questions asking the whereabouts of toastedblog raged throughout the weekend, or throughout that pre-burrito bar trip to insert brewpub name here. I can't recall the name of the establishment, but it existed and the turkey burgers were the tops!! This guy knows. Ahh...nothing beats the half pounder before the main course, pulled pork burrito from Bombers.

But now I digress. Any who, whilst I sit eating lemon wedges from complementary waters hilarious blogs and their posts come up as the topic of conversation and this is where we find our friends inquiring about their beloved toastedblog. When will it return?? What's the deal?? Who do you think you are?? You think you're better than me?? Do you think they'll include a side of BBQ sauce with the burger?? Where do you get off Toast?? All viable questions. My aforementioned excuse hopefully will suffice. But don't you worry kids, toastedblog is back!! Now, to finish this re-re-introduction to toastedblog, we'll just drop a couple words on you to get you up to speed where we've been this whole time, how I've changed per-say. Old and busted, say hello to the new hotness. Enjoy it, despise it, use it to line the dog's cage, read it while saying grace right before dinner; just do with it what you will. All I'ms told is that we're back and hittin' the links. Yeah!!

New Hotness for the Toast!!
-the baconator at wendy's
-eagles of death metal, whether its "peace, love, death metal" or "death by sexy" its all good
-country mike
-kool-aid!!! or lizahotty 5000, a sophisticated lady robot from the future. or you can call her liz, she's my special lady friend.
-onion ring, our chubby made up dog who eats chili and has hind legs that move faster than the front often causing him to run sideways and uncontrollably. liz has often referenced him with a cape.
-eddie barkey von schnauzer, our soon to be real life dog. yeah, he's already got a name
-rugby sevens and the captain toast. his team name, the branch davidians (rugby nickname still david koresch, even with no beard.
-the movie hot fuzz, I think that it may be no longer in theaters but maaahhrrk my words, watch it.
-washington d.c., there'll be more to come
-dino nuggets
- leonardo dicaprio, I don't care what you think, I like him.
-the glasgow diamonds
-bbq rib eating competitions
-the toast in a golf league, yeah!
-spanish pantelones and their terrible fantasy baseball stats
-meeting trot nixon's cousin at an Oriole's v. Indians game in Baltimore
-having trot nixon's cousin pseudo hit on liz as I went to go to the bathroom at said game
-many upon many trips to bawlmore without crabs, but all worth while
-blue crab party with buttcheeks, aka army matt. old bay..ooh mama. talkin' 3 doz kid!! what!
-new queens of the stone age, sick!!! and lets not forget about that new beasties' instrumental album, jazz and funk, with their powers combined..

oh, and so much more. y'all will hear about the plethora of misadventures in due time. for now, its just good to be back. on that note, toast OUT!!!