Toastmaster General = Super Engaged!!

This just in, I don't update my blog very often for some reason and I asked Kool-Aid to marry me. After much convincing she hesitantly agreed...JACKPOT!!!

"When something's broke, I want to put a little fixin' on it."

For what it's worth, think I like the riff from "Got Some" a little better. Still, this new stuff appears none to shabby. What kills me is when I read some of the comments in regards to newer Pearl Jam beats and how it's not the same; not "grunge". These boys were never "grunge". A classic rock band in a modern era, hmmm...now we're getting somewhere. Take a look at yourself!!

Ireland...Bitches!!!

The Toast with Kool-Aid in tow fly out of Philly tonight around 8pm and are set to land in Dublin at 8am following a sweet 7 hour flight into the future. From there the itinerary is just jam packed to the gills with stops in Kilkenny, Cobh (pronounce Cove), Clonakilty (home of the Big Fella), Dingle, Galway, and trip rounds out with a couple days in Dublin. Ay...Great Success!!

So, hopefully the internet will be able to keep on truckin' without my witty banter and general nonsensicalness. Pictures to follow. Till then, I'm OUT!!

Wait a tic...hold the phone....I'm going to Ireland on Friday?!?!

Yeah...so it's kinda come to my attention that I am slated to head across the pond as they say at the end of the week; Friday to be exact. Not gonna lie to you internet audience, this has sort of caught me off guard. I mean, reservations have been made. My passport still flies. I can afford to take this trip. I know how to drive stick. Tessie Girl staying at her weekly dogwalker's arrangements have been made. Realistically, all I have to do is make sure I have enough underpants for 9 days in Ireland.

And yet...something seems amiss. I mean, am I excited to go; you bet your sweet bippy I am. I am looking forward to touring the Irish Countryside with Kool-Aid something very fierce. But how can it be that it is still to sink in?? Really, I've known about this trip for quite some time, this really isn't a surprise here. I don't know, perhaps it's due to the fact that my mind really isn't quite here at the office today and I've already checked out for this vacation that I can't seem to remember fully. Maybe I was sooo into Playoff Hockey that I am not really a part of the "real" and just mindlessly floating along?? Maybe I just need to suck it up and come to grips that I am heading to Awesome Town come week"s end?? Yeah...that last one seems about right.

To tell you the truth Toastedblog friends, no one could be as up for a trip to Ireland as your's truly. I mean, Europe, a few beers, a few laughs, my kin, fellow Cregg run-ins, QT with the Kool-Aid, boiled meats, Guinness, what-have-you's: this sure sounds like the real deal to me. And don't get me wrong, I am all-up-ons here. I just think that my head is a bit too focused on the task at hand (i.e. workies) and not really set with this whole kickass vacation thingie. Don't you worry, I'll be gettin' there. If not....there is something really wrong with me.

"We're not here to mess around!"

Well, now that you got Dropkick full on in the background why don't you go ahead and get lost into the wonder that is my pup. Tessie, you truly are the only only OHHH-OHH-NLY!!

That's 9 pounds of puppy right there. Yup, you heard that right, she's packing on some poundage.

"A-buuuuhhhh"

Attacking Rocky III. I mean really, did you hate the training montage with Apollo and Rocky on the beach that much. Plus, Clubber Lang was the best Rocky bad guy this side of Ivan Drago.

She like to attack my jammies. I can't get her to stop. (Psst...the guy in the blue pants is me.)

A nice photo op with her Mr. Squeakerton.

Expect more photos to come. I can see why they're called proud parents. You should here her post bathroom praises, you would have thought she'd won a pulitzer with all the "good girl" talk going around "Fort Awesome" these days.

"I said GODDAMN!!!"

Above you'll notice the band Umphrey's McGee, the very same band that I'm a-gonna catch to in only a few short hours just up the road in Baltimore. Watching the video from the 5:30 mark on will instantly cause you to lose your shit. You've been warned.

"The End is Nigh"

Who will watch "The Watchmen"?? I tell you what, I'm certainly gonna. I've been way too amped up for this movie for about 2 years now; increasingly so over the past three weeks as I've almost literally been counting down the days. Hot damn, this is gonna kick so much ass one might call it unparalleled. An unparalleled amount of ass kicking; ass kicking without parallel.

Basically nothing I can do or say will change how you the reader feel about "The Watchmen", the movie or the graphic novel. Just the other day Kool-Aid remarked about how long the movie has been advertised: "It seems like these previews have been out forever." This has been a project that has been in the works for quite some time and all that I can really add to it is that I've been somewhat patient in my waiting for it to arrive. Well...that day has come. My suggestion, and it should be fairly obvious to you, is to do what I do. Grab your favorite Kool-Aid and go see it. Have I ever led you, my internet reader, astray??

Fort Awesome, Now 100% More Fortified, 200% More Awesome

Happy 2009 (officially) internet peoples. So, now that's out of the way I have a chipwich that says I know what you all are thinking. Why is it, that after repeated promises of more Toastedblog, that we have to wait until the 5th of January for an update on the world of the Toast?? Well, since you asked so politely, and are obviously showing some significant concern for something that you all hold so dear to your hearts, I shall tell you. I've moved bitches!!!

You heard that right folks, my apartment, aptly dubbed "Fort Awesome", has been traded in for something at least ten times more awesome than it's predecessor. The Toast here is on a gravy train with biscuit wheels. I mean, I have stairs people.....STAIRS!!! Kool-Aid and I, in an ever pressing quest to make life habitable for a new addition have decided to move on up and thus, have waved bye-bye to the days of single bedroom apartment living. You're reading the creative genius of a man that single handedly doubled his fort's awesomeness. Oh..please, please; hold all applause.

New "Fort Awesome" is a town home, duplex, whatever you want to call it located in Arlington, VA. New "Fort Awesome" is three floors of sheer manliness with only about 85% of a beautiful woman's touch; I get to use the finished basement for my many many mantastic activities, Kool-Aid gets the rest. New "Fort Awesome" has a backyard for stuff that dudes like, like horseshoes...or patio furniture for entertaining outdoor guests. New "Fort Awesome" has a laundry room for cleaning my rugby shit...or drying racks for wool sweaters and other delicates. New "Fort Awesome" is located near a sandwich shop built for men...called "The Broiler". New "Fort Awesome" also has room for gardening and landscaping with only the prettiest of roses, lilies, orchids, poinsettias, etc.

Most importantly however, New "Fort Awesome" took like a morning to move into. For the few days surrounding the New Year, Kool-Aid and I took over carloads of boxes as to make the actual moving day as easy as possible; so, a U-Haul truck loaded with our furniture and other big stuff was all that we'd have to move on our official moving day, which was this past Saturday. I should rephrase some of that, most importantly was the fact that we had a few friends helping us out so that my back is still intact, as opposed to fucking killing me. With the weekend spent unpacking and waiting for the cable guy to come set up our internet late Sunday afternoon my mind is kind of lost today. I even had to ask the cable guy who won the playoff games on Saturday as I had absolutely no clue because all I did on that day was unload heavy shit, open up boxes, and get drunk come night time. YES!! (/does fist pump)

All said and done however, I am just a little off today. Getting ready for the office this morning took some actual thought as opposed to just going through the motions, I had to take a new morning route, I couldn't find my aftershave (fingers crossed, no dry chin skin), and I have this feeling as though I left something important at home. Guess it'll take some time to get used to. Oh well, we'll toss you some updates soon, even some photos of my Christmas in Florida, my Sister's Wedding, and the haps on this whole New "Fort Awesome". Just you try to contain your excitement you kooky bastards!!! Oh, and that new addition that was mentioned above, it's not what you think it is. We're getting a dog. Toast OUT!!

Toastie's list of kick-ass things from 2008

Nothing real original about all of this you see below. Just a quick cumulative list of the kick-ass that's happened this past year. Enjoy!!

- Saw Eddie Vedder at the Warner Theatre here in DC.
- My nephew Callan was born on April 20, 2008
- Work promotions and pay increases, who knew?!?!?!
- The Giants winning what was probably the best Super Bowl of my lifetime (so far)



- Going whitewater rafting in West Virginia in October
- Seeing Pearl Jam again with the Chuck
- High fives
- Heading down to Florida for my buddy Matt's wedding
- Johnny Lester not only says eat shit to cancer but also no hits the Royals
- Spending a weekend in Virginia Beach with Kool-Aid
- Getting to know "the inlaws" a bit more only to discover that they really like me
- Singing "Rock and Roll Part II" aboard Philly's subway system (yeah, I wasn't aware they had one either)
- Same weekend, "Too Legit 2 Quit" on Jitter's roof deck
- Radiohead outdoors in the rain here in VA.
- The Bruins return to NHL prominance
- Toastedblog's rise from the ashes like the magnificient Phoenix, or some other town in Arizona
- I've decided to grow my hair long and you know what, it's none too shabby
- Spending this past Christmas with my entire family, first time we've been all together for some time
- Becoming friends with D.C. and with all its faults, I am really happy here
- My sister getting married
- Chipwiches
- Mutha-fuckin' Giants!!
- Work people beginning to learn about how awesome I can be, rather than just a dude in an office
- Taking Kool-Aid to a boat-load of games (Giants v. Cowboys, a number of Nats games, Manny's 500th HR in Baltimore)
- Going with Kool-Aid to a few moe. shows
- Tina Fey

- And of course, another year with the Kool-Aid. Can't beat that deal with a stick!
- Barack Obama
- The Dark Knight
- Frequently making your own pizza
- Cheap gas!!
- the baconator

Happy New Year people, we'll catch you in '09!! Be safe and if you see me around midnight, don't be hesitant with that whole kiss thing.

"Guess what?! I've got a fever, and the only prescription.....is more Toastedblog."

"Don't tone it down too much, you're gonna want that cowbell on this track."

Oh...hello. Didn't see you walk in there. So, how we doin' Toastedblog faithful?? It seems we've been a bit out of touch here of late. I know, I know, it's predominantly my fault but when you're livin' for the city, life seems to zoom by, often out of control. Take these scenarios for minute. A lil' bit of the recent what up and highlights in the life of, yours truly, Mayor McToast. I'm not promising much, but what you read is true. We'll catch up with you soon, for realsies. Right now, I'm pooped.

"How Bout 'Dem Cowboys?!"

Yesterday the Toast, with Kool-Aid in tow, trekked up ol' NY way for the Giants vs. Cowboys game. Highlights include, delicious sandwich, some beers, meeting up with Pa Cregg and a few of his buddies, some guy falling off one of those motorized ride-on coolers. Oh, and the Cowboys getting trounced by the Giants defense. Oh Mama is right!!

More important was the fact that I was actually at the game. We had a bit of a close call in the ticket acquisition portion of this particular Giants game. My Uncle, who resides in Buffalo, NY and holds the family's season tickets had sent them next day air on Thursday to Fort Awesome (Alexandria, VA). Well, apparently to our friends at FedEX, next day air means not showing up till Monday. This is actually an assumption as tickets still are not in my possession and I am giving them the benefit of the doubt that they will arrive today; 3 full days after they were supposed to. Some fancy footwork made this dream a reality though. Kudos to the NY Giants Ticket Box Office and Uncle Bob for getting on the horn on Saturday and allowing me not to waste $200. Congrats, you should all be quite proud to recieve the Avis "We Try Harder" award. At Avis, where we try harder.

"You know what? SPRINTS!!"

Below is a picture of the Toast at Halloween last year. Why am I showing you a picture of a Halloween costume from a full calender year ago?? Because my dream of being Johnny Mac this year never came to fruition due to lack of white short shorts searching and thus was left this most recent Halloween to re-live the dream that was, the High School Gym Coach. Note the gut internet audience, that's four pillowcases and a t-shirt or two hard at work there.

*Key sidenote*: this costume won the Toast third place in his Annual At-Work Halloween Costume Contest. Third prize was that I was just given another beer. You know what.....I have no problem with that. Special congrats to Kool-Aid as well, who makes her official Toastedblog debut, in a little skirt and neckerchief no less. Quite provocative Kool-Aid, quite indeed. Something tells me that with a quick blow from my whistle I should be making her do a few squat-thrusts, OW!!

"Just like my main man, GW."

On Saturday Kool-Aid and I spent the day hiking some trail a number of miles that leads to nearby Mount Vernon, VA. Not much to add here, I just wanted you to know that I spent some on my weekend time taking in some well deserved history of one of America's founding fathers and our country's first president. Plus, that G.D. estate has quite the view...and it's own distillery. Yowzers!!

There's been other stuff but to be all honest my brain isn't working so well as there was a ton of time spent behind the wheel of a Passat going back and forth to the NYC yesterday, leaving early yesterday and arriving home at Fort Awesome quite late last night. You'll hear about all the madcap hilarity from someone, trust me.

"The Secret Power of Your Balls"

I subscribe to Men's Health. I do this in effort to keep myself looking like an Adonis, or at least like his slightly out of shape older brother who just can't seem to shake that nasty chicken wing habit. Whatever, that's not the point.

Why am I telling you this?? Well, this morning I find an email from the Men's Health website which caught me a bit off guard. Now, it's not odd for me to find an email from their site in my inbox as I do get little tips and hints from them on a daily basis. Whether they are offering suggestions in ways to lower your girlfriend's inhibitions in the sack (check and mate Men's Health), informing me in ways to achieve that highly coveted V-torso, or letting this guy know that the muscle that woman are most likely to notice is the one between my ears, these emails find their way to me. Some I take heed, some I ignore, and then there are the ones that are just "mind bottling". "Yeah. You know when things are so crazy, you get your thoughts trapped, like in a bottle." Case in point, "The Secret Power of Your Balls". Better start pricing those replacement bike seats and buying organic fellas; only good things can happen.

I don't even know how to respond. Once again, for the cheap seats, "mind bottling". On that note, I think it's time to start researching some of these sure fire better sex bedroom tactics. It's almost like I'm going to war, what with the strategies, tactics, and what-not. I am the general, she is the enemy. This can't miss.