"Get your patchouli stink outta my store!!"

It's no lie that one of my favorite movies of all time is "High Fidelity" and just the other day I finished reading up a copy of Nick Hornsby's novel that I recently purchased at the used book store down the street from me here in Old Town Alexandria. Well, in both book and movie our hero and main character, Rob Fleming (Gordon is his last name in the film), is the owner of a fledgling record store and to not only pass down time at work, but even time of hardship in his life, he makes top 5 lists covering a wide array of topics ranging from top 5 track one,side one singles to top 5 breakups, the latter of which pretty much becomes the plot.

As I reread the book over the next few days I couldn't help finding that I was unconsciously doing the same thing, that is, coming up with my own variety of top 5 lists and now I've decided to share with you folks. The deciding on my favorite songs part was one of the more difficult things that I have ever had to accomplish, and I graduated from private college. Keep in mind internet reader, the following are just opinion and should not be construed as fact. Also, some may end up as top 7's, just roll with it.

Top 5 Movies
- The Big Lebowski
- The Empire Strikes Back
- High Fidelity
- The Incredibles
- The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

Top 5 Bands
- Pearl Jam
- Radiohead
- Tool
- the Clash
- the Who


Pearl Jam, "Rearviewmirror"

Top 5 Singles
- "Rearviewmirror", Pearl Jam
- "Fake Plastic Trees", Radiohead
- "The Magnificient Seven", the Clash
- "So Watcha Want", the Beastie Boys
- "Queen Bitch", David Bowie


Bill Murray. FUCK and YES!!

Top 5 Singles (Tier Two)
- "Alive", Pearl Jam
- "Push It", Tool
- "Save it For Later", the English Beat
- "Rainbow Connection", Kermit the Frog
- "Rebubula", moe.

Top 5 TV Shows
- Arrested Development
- The Simpsons
- Seinfeld
- The Muppet Show
- Looney Tunes

Top 5 Guitar Solos
- "Alive", Mike McCready of Pearl Jam
- "Comfortably Numb", David Gilmour of Pink Floyd
- "Paranoid Android", Jonny Greenwood of Radiohead
- "Stash", Trey Anastasio of Phish / "Knights of Cydonia", Matt Bellamy of Muse
- "Third Eye", Adam Jones of Tool


Muse, "Knights of Cydonia"

Top 5 Sandwiches
- turkey on seeded rye
- philly cheese steak with peppers, onions, and mushrooms
- chipwich
- pulled pork sandwich
- plain ice cream sandwich. ate one with lunch in high school almost every day. delicious.

Top 5 ladies I'd want to console me following tragic Kool-Aid loss in bus crash
- Kate Beckinsale
- Jessica Alba
- Tina Fey
- circa mid 90's Meg Ryan
- Liz Phair


Hey!! Kool-Aid wears glasses sometimes too!!

Top 5 Guilty Pleasures
- peanut m&m's
- Huey Lewis and the News (closely followed by George Michael)
- "You've Got Mail"
- Chick Rock (i.e. Liz Phair, PJ Harvey, the Yeah,Yeah,Yeahs)
- dancing when just happy or intoxicated/car singing.


oh..and of course, a little David Lee Roth. I love when the fireworks go off, around the 3:36 mark.

Top 5 Sports Heroes
- Ray Bourque (favorite hockey player of all time)
- Cam Neely (went as far to model my style of play after him)
- Trot Nixon (the original Boston Dirt Dog)
- Mark Bavaro (Giants fans know what I'm talkin' about)
- Phil Simms (88.3 completion percentage in Super Bowl XXI)


Cam Neely

Top 5 Careers
- professional ice hockey player: fuck that'd be awesome. I'd be in great shape, making good bank, not as high profile as other atheletes, maybe even endorse a Canadian beer and we all know that Canadian beer is like moonshine. plus hockey is greatest sport out there.

- paleontologist: what can I say, I like me some dinosaurs.

- music journalist: I like to write, I like beats, why not get paid for both. but not reviewing and listening to the majority of crap out there today. be kinda like Rob in regards to this one.

- own either my own music or book store and having it be successful: Get to hang out and listen to my favorite tunes all day long and its something that I think I would be really good at. Let's face it, I'm a people person and I belong interacting with others. plus, I'd be working for myself and not someone else. oh...and this..suck it online purchasing!!

- own my own bar: see above...but with booze.

Garbage Day!

Quite possibly the finest scene in all of cinema.

400 Babies!!

The Bruins lost their series to Montreal last night and just wanted something to make me happy. This is starting to do the trick.

"So, my cologne is distilled from the bilge of Rupert Murdoch's yacht."

You want to learn somethin' about uncomfortable situations?? Let me hit you with this little scenario. It seems that I am on the daily cycle of going to the bathroom at about quarter after four every afternoon here at the office. Well that's all fine and dandy and everything but it seems that I'm not the only one that makes this standard procedure. Who else joins our hero in this daily practice, why it's our company president that also appears to be on this cycle (see ladies, our cycles can coincide as well). Not only that, he seems to be a bit of a talker at the urinal to boot! So, being already uncomfortable enough standing right next to a corporate big whig with my pants down, I now have to engage in simple pleasantries with him.

Now, I'm not too sure if he's just not that well versed in men's room protocol or if he never got the handbook but standard procedure for us dudes in the bathroom is to just look ahead and do our business...unless you're about 10 beers in and at "insert sporting event here". Then you can talk all you want on a variety of topics. The horrible third down pass that you saw. Why in the hell did they run three consecutive pass plays on the goal line?? Man, that Josh Beckett sure is hurlin' some serious heat tonight!! Did you see the rack that blonde in the beer line?? I can't believe I ate for the "cycle"!!

**Eating for the cycle consists of taking down the following at a Milwaukee Brewers game: hot dog, polish sausage, italian sausage, and bratwurst. I once experienced two friends not only accomplish this feat, but continued eating for a second cycle in one sitting. Unprecedented!!**

However, we are not at "insert sporting event here" and I am certainly not 10 beers in. This is not the time to bring up how my goes at training our new office in Cherry Hill, NJ went. I'm sorry buddy, I don't want to rain on your parade and I don't mean to come down on you. But it's just not my deal, talking in the men's room that is. I'd prefer to make all my bathroom runs at home base if I could. Although I don't seem to have a problem just taking a knee on the rugby pitch and pulling up the right leg of my shorts to take care of business. Ooh....did I take this subject too far??

Everything's all Highs and Lows; Peaks and Valleys.

Just decided to hit the readers up with the haps over the past few days. It's a whirlwind of activity I tells ya!! However, everything is not always gravy in the relm of the Toast. Ladies and gentlemen, the dang it's and their respective reverse dang it's in recent Toast activity; and vice versa.

Reverse Dang It: On Friday night, Kool-Aid and the Toast hit up the brand new Nationals Park for a game against the Braves. It's damn gorgeous outside with the weather all sunny and about 75 degrees. Hell...I even wear short pants with flippety flops.

Dang It'ed: Eating what was known as the half-smoke with the works. We're talking chili, onions, and mustard. Pile on some nachos and a few good time beers it makes for an interesting evening for those seated around you.



Reverse Dang It: Kool-Aid brings me a bucket of KFC to eat while watching the Bruins game on Saturday night as I'm too lazy and dead tired following a few rugby games earlier in the day.

Dang It'ed: Putting down an entire 10 piece bucket of chicken in two sittings. Trust me folks, this should not be attempted....at all costs.

Reverse Dang It: Aforementioned rugby games on Saturday.

Dang It'ed: It's fucking humid as hell outside and Toasts sometimes do not do well in the sun. Oh...and we lost our playoff game against Harrisburg. It was a good match though, just didn't get a few things to go our way. Plus, it seemed that they wanted it a bit more even though we had an advantage in numbers and appeared to be in better shape as they were huffing ang puffing about 20 minutes into the first half.

Reverse Dang It: Spending a Sunday with Kool-Aid where I go out and do my best to boost the economy singlehandedly by purchasing many various and completely random items. Well, I did need new rugby boots but what the hell is this tennis racket all about?!?!

Dang It'ed: Going with Kool-Aid to a shoe WAREHOUSE!! Sigh... Plus, I did not do as well as anticipated on my tax return. The "classic" unsweet haul. How's that tennis racket looking now?!?! Damn you's gubberment, damn you's all to hell!!

Reverse Dang It: The Toast getting all important like by traveling up to Jersey for workies for a few days and doing a a few presentations.

Dang It'ed: Waking up at 3:30AM to meet a few co-workers at my office in Bethesda at 5AM. Whomever green lighted this idea deserves a shovel to the face. While my presentation goes very well on Tuesday I run into a few troubles on my work trip. My hotel room gets no channels that carry any hockey games and Game 4 of the Bruins and Canadiens series is on. I am forced to walk down the street to a Bennigan's where I can only find Flyers coverage with limited Bruins highlights. (B's end up getting shutout 1-0 and are now down in the series 3-1). Wednesday starts with a bang as I do not get my 6AM wake up call and upon meeting my two co-workers in the lobby for breakfast I promptly spill two consecutive cups of coffee. Plus, all you toastedblog readers are forced to go two whole days without new material. That may be the biggest dang it of them all. However, reading this particular post is not doing well for the cause.

Well..there you have it. It's not a complete rundown of the recent days in the life of the Toast but I'm not spending any more time trying to be witty and creative as I seem to have nothing today. Besides....I can't give out all me secrets. Do me a favor though folks, root for the B's tonight. Maybe they can steal one in Montreal thus keeping hockey on the Toast's front burner for a while longer. Now...I have to get back to doin' stuff. Take 'er easy.

Hey!!! They Won One!!!

The Bruins, after dropping the first two games of the series in Montreal, decided to go ahead and win one last night taking Game 3 in overtime 2-1, and let me tell you toastedblog faithful, it was a fantastic game to watch. With limited time here this morning I can't really get into detail or anything, but Milan Lucic is pretty much the balls. Lucic gave Boston its first lead on the Habs all season early in the first period by taking a pass from Marc Savard in the slot and fired a wrist shot over the shoulder of Montreal goaltender Carey Price. Savard would also get the the game winner about halfway through the first overtime after he jumped off the bench as the extra attacker on a delayed Montreal penalty and hammered home a terrific cross-ice feed from defenseman Dennis Wideman. The Toast yelps with approval and Ooohh weeee...we've got ourselves a series.

I really can't say enough about the way Lucic played last night though. He was flying all night and hitting every Montreal player that was on the ice. And Thomas was outstanding for the second consecutive game stopping 27 shots from the high falootin' Canadiens.

What's more important is the fact that it is incredibly awesome feeling something more when watching playoff hockey. Its been a few years since I've had the pleasure of seeing the B's in the playoffs and I am thoroughly enjoying every minute; whether I have had to tape a game and watch it late night because of rugby practice or foregoing a night out on the town on Saturday so I can stay home with a few beers and watch the Bruins eventually lose in overtime, I am watchin' the SHIT out of this series!! Normally I am forced to watch games that have far less meaning to the Toast. Granted, they are still awesome, I mean...it is playoff hockey. All the forechecking, hitting, overtime games, are still there. Its just that I have to live vicariously through other people's teams and not my own. Well, not this year. At least for now I still have the Bruins to make up for all my shortcomings throughout my storied career in hockey.

**The Toast resumes his hockey playing late Wednesday night as summer hockey league begins; this time we'll hopefully be missing out on that highly coveted first round playoff exit, much like this past winter.**

Game 4 is set for Tuesday at 7pm and with a scheduled work trip to New Jersey coinciding with my strong desire to watch playoff hockey I am going to have to do my best to find a bar with the game tomorrow night. Clearly I would rather have this work trip at another time but I guess one must never underestimate the staggering drawing power of the Garden State. Damn Jersey with your making me wake up at 4am so I can be at the office at 5am to drive to you with two other co-workers. You've already made me iron dress shirts now I have to wake up before dawn. I wasn't aware that my alarm clock had a 4am!?!?! Mark my words Jersey..if you make me miss Game 4 there's going to be hell to pay.

"Ain't that a B"!

Today, my former college roommate, current best buddy, and everyone's favorite little crapper turns 29 years old. Happy Birthday Little Charlie Coville!! On the weekends, Charlie does stunts for Little Richard in gay movies.

Now get down here for Pearl Jam!!! As of tomorrow morning your ticket is waiting.

**By the way, I am going for best available so get ready for close up shots of McCready jammin'!!**


/starts singing guitar solo from "even flow"

....awesome.

There's a hole in the world like a great black pit and it's filled with people who are filled with shit! And the vermin of the world inhabit it!

A while back I cracked an egg o' knowledge on y'all about movie watching with the Toast and what I was attempting to accomplish may not have been a weekly drilling but more creating a type of post that was going to jump out and say hello from time to time. Unfortunately supporters of the Toast on the internet have been without my rather important random movie knowledge. You have no idea what to rent, what to see. How will you get by without the Toast and his "rent that shit" take on fine cinema?? The answer simply is...you can't. Just try to imagine what you're lives would be like without me. Awful isn't it??

I just have one question for you all; have you seen some of that shit that is out there?!?! The reason that this hasn't been flung on you my devoted internet faithful isn't due to a lack of trying. I mean, I'll watch me some movies, they really rev my engine, but some are just not worthy to grace Toastedblog. There just is a lot of shitty films out there. However, I should really explain that I have been weeding through the crap and checking out some decent flicks. They just happen to be those that don't get any burn here on the blog is all. Take note to the list below:

- I am Legend
- No Country For Old Men
- Michael Collins
- Elizabeth: The Golden Age
- The Darjeeling Limited
- Beowulf
- Sunshine
- Death at a Funeral
- American Gangster
- Pirates of the Carribbean: At World's End

What you read is a list of films that I went ahead and rented over the past, I don't know, few months. A few were decent (Sunshine, Funeral), some I had seen in theatres (Old Country, I'm talking about you here), some I wanted to see in theatres (Legend, Gangster, Darjeeling), and yet some were rented just to complete the trilogy (I couldn't even finish the third "Pirates" flick, it was that bad). I mean, as I had mentioned before in a previous post, I don't really take too many chances on bad cinema. Most often flicks will get at least a thumbs up from the Toast and those movies listed above aren't bad (once again, "Pirates" aside), they just don't have that certain special something. Except for "No Country", that movie was harsh. Yeah!

Now that doesn't mean that they'll get two very enthusiastic thumbs up from the Toast either. And that is why I am writing this very post you are reading. Or is it: "why I wrote the very post you are reading". Whatever, all I am trying to get across is that I did, in fact, recently catch a flick that gets the "highly coveted" two enthusiastic thumbs up stamp of approval from the Toast. What was that you ask?? Well, if you haven't deciphered the photo overhead I feel for you and your lack of awareness. IT WAS "SWEENEY TODD" DAMMIT!!

I found it hard to believe that Johnny Depp did not have any singing experience prior to this film, he's that good. I guess when you are an amazing talent stuff like singing comes naturally to you. Anyone who has caught the Toast's "electric" karoake version of "Don't be Cruel" by Bobby Brown knows exactly what I am talking about. Getting the movie down did require two takes as the first attempted viewing came on this past Saturday night following my day long rugby, drinking, and pulled pork binge but it is definitely worth a two hour sit down with some milk duds.

Since taking it all in I have found myself belting out tunes from this particular musical; just wandering around singing about "Mrs. Lovett's Meat Pies" and "Pirelli's Miracle Elixer" as I am out completing my day to day. Depp's performance aside, which I won't call brilliant but will label as hella fine, the rest of the cast put together for "Sweeney" is fantastic and very fitting for the film. As usual, Alan Rickman plays a villian as only Rickman can, snobby and elitist with, I don't want to call it a charm because one definitely doesn't find Judge Turpin "charming", but its definitely him and Helena Bonham Carter is terrific as Mrs. Lovett, complete with a fine array of heaving bosom shots. Throw in Sacha Baron Cohen, albeit his part in the film is small, and you've got something working here. And they sing...well!!! Who knew??

The movie is dark, creepy, sweet, savvy, humorous, intense, and just a damn fine time. If a musical is getting this kind of take from the Toast you know it's good, as if it had "real bits of panther in it". To give it a two word review, one could call it dazzling disturbing. Just go ahead and rent it, you'll see for yourself.


**Quick Sidenote**

I really liked the song "By the Sea". Johnny Depp's body language throughout the whole tune is priceless.

*DING* Fries are Up!!

It should be no surprise to those close to the Toast that he is, what they call, fair skinned. To make matters like a hundred times worse, I don't totally get the concept of "sun screen". So, with a few rugby games this past Saturday I went ahead in doing my best to keep up with my nice Irish white boy image and decided to don a sunburn to take down all the lesser and weaker sunburns in it's path. Take that common sense!!!

So we have a Toast already walking around a little haggard and bit banged up following two hard hitting rugby games. Add what seems to be like a fifth degree sunburn to the mix you'd think I was on the verge of a certain and very painful death. All aboard the wicked pain train!! The thing that's killing me is that it probably wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't such a complete fucking baby about it. You should see me whining as I struggle to do even the most simple of tasks.

- Putting on a shirt: "Oooh....it scrapes my sweet, but tender, arms."

- Taking a shower: "I no wanna go in there, the steam causes it to sting."

- The intimate times: "Ah....can you move to the right, you're on my sunbuh....AHHH...you just caught it with your fingernails."

- Shaving: "Are you fucking kidding me?!?!? I'm still two days away from trying that shit!!"

Realistically we're looking at your classic farmer's tan with a sprinkle of flare as rugby shorts don't offer "traditional coverage". Let's just say that short shorts and high socks make for interesting burn lines. And I look like a fucking idiot at work today. I haven't really shaved since Friday morning, I'm completely red face, aside from the peeling skin I have in certain spots, and I'm itchy. You'd have thought I was going through some withdrawals here; and who's to say that I'm not?? Plus, it's not like this burn is going to turn into a boss tan either. My Irish roots won't allow that to happen. You must be out of your goddamn mind!! Stupid southern sun, I hate you. I never had this problem in early April back in Central NY.

Although this situation I have found myself in is not without its few, or should I say lone, high point. With the Bruins in the Stanley Cup Playoffs for the first time in a few years I have entertained the thought of letting my sunburned enforced stubble turn into a full blown playoff beard. Nothing screams rabid New England hockey support like red facial hair. Only problem is that this look is most likely short lived as the B's have drawn the lucky number eight seed and have to face-off against the hated Habs. Damn you Montreal and your ability to just turn off the French!! Linguistic barriers do not stop and start at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit!! Has the whole world GONE CRAZY?! Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules?

Man, I love that movie.

"Fuck the tournament??"

"We must have waffles! We must all have waffles forthwith!"

Ahoy hoy internet audience, remember when I hit you with this little gem??

"Make mental note to eat more eggo waffles as those fuckers are tasty."

Well, now I'm about to do you one better. I have just found the piece de resistance of the waffle world. You've heard of these Eggo waffle things before. Yeah, well this is pretty much going to blow that right out of the water; listen to this: Chocolate....Chip....Waffles. Think about it, you walk into a grocery store and see Eggo waffles sittin' there, there's chocolate chip Eggo's sittin' right beside it. So, lets get down to brass tacks. Which one are you gonna pick man?? That's right, the chocolate chip and BOY, are they something special.

You've gotta get hip and with it toastedblog faithful. We're living in different times man. We don't have the short attention spans like you kids today. We could just sit..and stare at a candle, for like, three hours and just, you know, have our minds BLOWN. I mean, eatin' an orange, well that's like takin' a trip through a citrus mountain...but with waffles.



Have I noticed these waffles before?? I think the better question would have been: Have I bothered to purchase these waffles before? The answer simply put is no. Until now. A recent trip to my local grocer's freezer found these little beauties and they have quickly touched my tender heart and soul. Man, with that syrup all warmed up, we're talkin' the tops here. I was fortunate enough to take two of them down yesterday and needless to say, it is something that all must experience as quickly as possible. So drop what you're doing and run, don't walk, to the nearest potential chocolate chip eggo waffle vendor and load that sumbitch of a cart up. Mark my words, you shant be disappointed.

It's Opening Day!!!

That's right!! It's time to rise up and kick a little ass toastedblog faithful. ROCK, FLAG, and EAGLE!!!

At Least It's Not Emo.

Most people out there know that I loooove to rock. Last night while watching Xavier keep my bracket alive by defeating West Virginia I was rocking sump'in sweet in the background, that being a nice little i-pod mix from the White Stipes that I went ahead and created yesterday during lunch (if you play your cards right internet audience I could very well share it with you as we close out this post). What was I doing before basketball you ask, well I was rocking to the highest power while I was completing my man-tastic workout at the gym. All edge I tells ya. Hell, my mantasticalness is so potent half of you ladies that be reading the nonsense that I kick just got pregnant. Computers sure are doing a lot these days.

However, for all the rockin' that the Toast is capable of, there is a more subdued and tender side to the Toast and his musical tastes. Call it wuss rock, call it indie. Go ahead and call it art rock if you will, although that is more of a "Zappa term". Whether it be dubbed acoustic folk, chick rock, folk rock, or just straight up singer/songwriter with heart-felt lyrics rock my eclectic musical tastes sometimes will lead me there. I've often been accused by current best buddy and former college roommate "Little" Charlie Coville that I have indeed lost my edge. What about you internet audience?? How do you feel about this matter?? Have I....Mayor McToast...Toastmaster General....Casey to those in the know, lost my edge??

Whatever!! I have nothing to prove to you, internet reader!! So I enjoy "The Shins" from time to time, big deal. Who cares if I dig bands such as "The Decemberists", I kinda like it. So what if I want to go ahead and listen to PJ Harvey all while sitting alone in the candle light with my thoughts, dreams and emotions (check out "Grow Grow Grow" and "Silence" off of White Chalk....very nice). Go to hell Little Crapper, I still have edge. I was just rockin' some bad ass "Queens of the Stone Age" just a little while back as I was perusing expiring insurance policies within the next 30 days and nothing screams edge having like a post due general liability insurance policy, and QOTSA.

So what exactly is the meaning of all of this you ask. Well, I sat here thinking to myself about my edge, lack-there-of, and these non-rocking beats I sometimes check out as I was giving another solid listen to the soundtrack to the movie Once . Pretty much doing nothing but being stationary at my desk in my office after lunch and just debating what task to tackle next or do I just go home at 3:30. About four months ago Kool-Aid and I picked up Once and if you haven't checked out the movie and you aren't concerned with whether or not your former college roommate thinks you still have that hard rocking edge full time or not I fully suggest giving it a look see. More importantly, do yourself a favor and pick up the soundtrack as you'll want to have the ability to listen to Glen Hansard following your initial viewing (I particularly enjoy "Say it to Me Now", "Leave", and "Trying to Pull Myself Away"). Also, go out and get yourself some music from "The Frames"; the nice little Irish band of which Mr. Hansard hails (Dance the Devil is the tops). The amount of energy and emotion Hansard puts into his music is definitely something that should be experienced.

*And for those paying attention, Toastmaster General's White Stripes Mix*

- "Blue Orchid" Get Behind Me Satan
- "Hello Operator" De Stijl
- "Black Math" Elephant
- "Astro" The White Stripes
- "Why Can't You Be Nicer To Me?" De Stijl
- "Expecting" White Blood Cells
- "There's No Home For You Here" Elephant
- "A Martyr For My Love For You" Icky Thump
- "Apple Blossom" De Stijl (the tops I tells ya!!)
- "Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground" White Blood Cells
- "Girl, You Have No Faith in Medicine" Elephant
- "Denial Twist" Get Behind Me Satan
- "Stop Breaking Down" The White Stripes
- "I'm Bound to Pack It Up" De Stijl
- "Take Take Take" Get Behind Me Satan
- "Little Cream Soda" Icky Thump
- "Hypnotise" Elephant
- "Let's Build a Home" De Stijl
- "Fell in Love With a Girl" White Blood Cells
- "Catch Hell Blues" Icky Thump
- "Seven Nation Army" Elephant
- "Little Bird" De Stijl (one can sing awesome guitar sounds with this beat)

Its Van Damme Friday people; make some noise!!

Useless Item No. 6438: Stupid Pocket on Pants

Currently I am wearing pants; khaki pants. What I want to know is, can someone please tell me what the hell this tiny pocket up near the right-side front belt loop is for and what it is doing there?? Take a look at the link; go ahead...I'll wait.

Really, is someone going to put change in that fucking thing?? I think it's supposed to be for one of those pocket watches on a chain but is anyone aside from men clad in bowler hats (see also: derby) and a monocle circa early 1900's still using those things. And the pocket just keeps getting bunched up under there while I wear these bad boys and office folk here give me strange looks as I attempt to straighten that damn thing out.

What's the deal pant makers?? Can't a guy just get a regular pair of khaki's anymore, without all of these randomly placed pockets, pouches, and fucking zippers?? All I want is a pair of khaki pants that I can wear to work that make my butt look amazing so kool-aid would like to get all up ons, either before I leave for the office or when I drag my ass in the door following a long day workin' for the man. I didn't ask for random pockets to be placed wherever you wanted. And who are the case studies these pant producers reference when they are green-lighting pant prototypes?? If I ever run into the designer who thought the idea of a random pocket right underneath the front belt loop was a bang-up idea I'm going to kick them in the shin....HARD. These guys are probably the same guys that ride their bike to work and brag about it. I can't get started on them now so we'll have to devote an entire post to those people soon.

**Sidenote**
Don't even think like the Toast is all against riding bikes to work. It's a dynamite way to get some exercise, save on gas, and help the environment. But do they have to rub it in our faces by walking into the office all sweaty carrying their twelve speed decked out like fucking Lance Armstrong??

also gonna hit y'all with some of this....POW!!

Assorted Random Toast Highlights:

- Today's post-lunch iTunes pop up of "Mah Nà Mah Nà" from The Muppet Show leaves the Toast with a little extra bounce in his step.

- I popped a filling in a molar on Friday and yesterday featured my first trip to a dentist not named Dr. James Carpenter. At first it was a bit odd but then I got to know the Bolivian dental hygienist. Nice!

- Few things satisfy like driving along with the windows down as you pump "Brass Monkey".

- Jello pudding cups care fucking delicious and they should be included in every lunch at all costs.

- Pearl Jam tix are still not on sale. This is me, waiting patiently.

- This past Saturday morning featured a post-gym, three hour plus, online fantasy baseball draft complete with gratuitous amounts of chocolate milk, an egg, ham, and cheese bagel, a touch of the "good stuff", and a viewing of Robocop. Few things have made me happier; is that sad?? That being said, my team, the Spanish Pantalones, is the shit!!

- I made a ham on Easter, what of it??

- It's 65 degrees and sunny outside, how can I get out of the office and start golfing??

- Kool-aid is sick; sexy time is at an all time low, video game playing steadily rising.

- Make mental note to eat more eggo waffles as those fuckers are tasty.

hey!!! look who it is!!!

The Toast was sent this picture of hims-self just the other day. Not much to say really, its just me at a "hole in the wall" bar on a night out with a few good buddies last summer, just days before my move down to DC. No real reason for posting it, just that it makes me remember that I am pretty badass....in a goofy Irish sort of way. I think I ate nachos that night.

Two Words....FUCK and YES!!!

Pearl Jam is fucking coming to Washington D.C.!!! Commence fists to full on rocking positions. This show now gives the Toast his top two bands in consecutive months (Toast's no. 2, Radiohead, is May 11th). Both concerts in my fucking backyard!!! One couldn't make this shit up if they tried. I'm almost as excited as I was last night when Kool-Aid surprised me with a box of snickers ice-cream bars to enjoy during my college basketball binge. Good god those things are delicious.

Oh Mama!!

True, I should be pumped for my impending early afternoon flee from the office so I can hang out on the couch and watch me some college basketball while dreaming of what I will do with my bracket winnings (so far I have take kool-aid to one of those restaurants where they bring you all those meats on swords or trip to best buy to purchase "insert awesomely new video game system here"). And I am, I'm pumped to do that. But for some reason I can't help but to continually think about the kool-aid's left-over burrito from last night's post REI run to Moe's that I was fortunate enough to snag for lunch today. I'm so gonna reheat that pig and slather it in hot sauce and cheese. Rest easy toast, after pulling this one off, you deserve some time on the couch. YAY BURRITOS AND BALLIN'!!!

**quick sidenote**
kool-aid may go for me picking up a nintendo wii, but can I really turn down a ps3 or xbox 360? even more unlikely, will I be really be able to ignore meat on swords??

So you're a nursing home janitor living in Boston.....and what's your son's name again??

Remember when I said I went back home to Syracuse over the weekend, well that did actually happen. But what coincides with going home for a few days is the eventual drive home. Not gonna lie to you, but this is always dreaded. The last thing that one wants to do is spend their hung over Sunday on the road for upwards of 6 hours en route to Washington DC. Those who say this is something they want to do, go ahead and kick them in the teeth. They are fucking liars and must be dealt with accordingly.

Anywho, kool-aid and the toast made our return journey to DC early sunday afternoon and right near sunny scranton, pa did we decide to turn up the heat on this drive home with everyone's favorite grade school game, M.A.S.H. I had kool-aid digging through my briefcase as I cruised down interstate 81 to find my "blog" notebook to get things a-rollin. The Toast didn't do too badly for his-self pulling in a classy dame in Kate Beckinsale to father my 7 children. Of course the first born and heir to my Massachusetts estate is my eldest son, "Huey Lewis". I narrowly missed the luxury of traveling to my job as a bikini inspector in a airplane made of biceps. I will instead have to deal with life as a nursing home janitor and will be forced to rely on getting back and forth to work in my sweet dune buggy. Other hopeful scenarios had me living the dream as a wealthy philanthropist who was fortunate enough to reel in Liz Phair and father a son named "Dingleman" while residing in my home on the Irish country-side. I guess it could be worse though, I could be driving the Weiner-Mobile to my shack inside Mt. Vesuvius.

Kool-aid had a rough go of it though. You're looking at D.C.'s newest skid-mark measurer and cleaner. We're not talkin' roads here either. Fortunately she does have a bumper car to transport her safely to and fro all those tainted underpants and will get the luxury of spending her homelife in an Croatian apartment with a pet armadillo named "goober".

Uhhhh.....

This past weekend I returned home to the ever impressive Syracuse, NY for some St. Patty's Day drinking. If you are from Syracuse or have ever been blessed with the opportunity to spend a "parade day" there you may know the goings on of which I speak. Now, its not a classy town, far from it actually. But those in the know realize that basically all there is to do in a town like Syracuse, especially in the winter/"spring", is to drink. And I mean DRINK.

"what do you want to do tonight??" dunno, lets get drunk."

"hey there nice lady, you want to watch me slam an 18 pack and pass out??" (lady swoons)

there, you pickin' up what I'm puttin' down?? internet readers better be as I am functioning at about 30% normal intellectual capacity and thus don't have the patience, or ability, to elaborate. For example, I just spent two solid minutes looking for the key that held the percent symbol (i.e. %) on my laptop here. this was proceeded by an uncomfortable 10 minute conversation with a co-worker discussing some of the haps for this monday here in the office. and this is now a full day after retarded central NY style boozin'. long story short I really have no idea on what I am doing today and for some reason I am typing this out for whatever internet audience my so called blog has. for your enjoyment you are reading how I am strugglin' a bit at the office following a trip to exquisite central new york so I can get hammered outside with my buddies over the course of 14 hours. in some aspects, I am proud of myself that I can still take down about 30 beers and enjoy the finer things in life (jamming 4 pieces of pizza following an incredibly risky drive home). its the fact that I am beginning to notice that this whole binge drinking is still affecting me and my attempts at normalcy now a few days afterwards, that's what irking the toast. GREAT...I can still hang, now just give me a few days to recollect my thoughts. I mean, I have a list of symptoms taking me down whilst I try simple activities today. SYMPTOMS?!?!

1. body feels like I fell down a flight of stairs
2. have toughness of an easily bruised piece of fruit
3. constant brain is fuzzy feeling
4. ability to recollect information constantly fading
5. simple tasks = fucking difficult
6. conversation skills at an all-time low

Am I complaining??? Kinda. Is there anything that I can and will do about it??? Well, short of stopping the occasional drink till I'm blind mentality I don't really think so. Not until I pop out a few little toasts will I be forced to give up on that dream. Am I making any sense?? Eh..not really. Realistically I am going to look back on this post in a day or so, maybe even less, and really wonder what the hell I was thinking and why was I typing it down. I just know that right now the toast is all over the place and trying to not make the higher ups all around me aware of what it is. we'll see how this ends up panning out. so far the outlook is fair to midland.

**quick sidenote**
the percent symbol is on the 5.

And I thought I knew what awesome was...

until I stumbled across this.

I'm a MAN!!

so who cares if I left my deodorant in my gym bag and that stayed overnight in the car causing me to use some of kool-aid's antiperspirant because I didn't want to go outside and get mine in the cold, dark morning. I'm a MAN!! A man whose sweater smells like flowery baby powder.....uh..this stuff is more potent than anticipated.

I'm a MAN!!!

Toastmaster General's "News of the Weird"

ok, so stuff seems to happen when I drive to work. what's the deal you ask. realistically, I just don't know. maybe its due to the amount of traffic on the roads down here in DC?? maybe it has to do with the number of foreign automobiles or young republicans and their inability to "think"?? who knows??? all that I seem to know is that shit goes down when I am on the path to workies every morning during the week. so what was it this morning??

as I was taking my normal route that is the magical jefferson davis parkway I drove past some car that had stopped directly behind a jeep wrangler with a few people just kinda standing all around it, some on the side of the road, some in front of said jeep. just passing it off as a bit of a fender bender I proceeded to cruise by at about 20 miles per hour as this is the going rate leading up to a stop light about a hundred yards past this particular intersection. knowing full well that the light ahead of me had just turned to red I decided to partake in an action that is not a normal thing for the toast. what is it you ask my internet faithful, well that would be "rubber-necking"; you know, turning your head to check out the accident, cop giving motorist ticket, and so on, which, in turn, disrupts all traffic cruising behind you. now, normally I'll go ahead and hop on board with the "rubber necking" only when passing by a lady that I have to get another look at (ahem..kool-aid) but this was one time I was glad that I gave it a go. as I passed this little scene I previously set up for you my only reaction was to chirp the following: "oh shit!" what I saw was a few grocery bags, some milk splattered on the ground, and a middle aged man lying motionless on the ground. now, this kinda surprised me as it wasn't the accident I was expecting to see. what really surprised me more was the fact that the five or six people surrounding the scene really didn't seem to distraught by the goings on. I don't know about you, but when I come across a possible dead man lying a few feet in front of me you're going to be hearing an awful lot of "oh fuck's!" and "what the shit's!" I'm certainly not going to be standing there casually like I am waiting in line for an all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet.

LeVar Burton's "House o' Fixins"

and if you thought I'd be doing something better with my time this morning like going to meetings you thought like an idiot. the line about trading drugs for "not rape" got me going puh-RITT-ee good. ahh....mondays.

"I used to be a renegade, I used to fool around. But I couldn't take the punishment, and had to settle down"

Ah Huey Lewis. You are sooo..awesome. But this post is unfornately not about you. (Dangited!!) Lately I have been throwing some things around my head and I am still pretty much at a loss at what to do. Now, I have been playing rugby regularly for the past 5 years and I am wondering whether or not to, as they say, hang 'em up. The cleats that is. hang 'em up, you know, retire. I still really love to play, I just don't know if I can keep devoting the amount of time and effort anymore. Plus my body is really beginning to hate me. If you had my knees and shoulders you'd understand.

To start this off, rugby came back to me really at a time in need. Back in '03 I was to experience a terrible break up following a long relationship and I spent the next few months in a funk to end all funks. As a way to break myself free and just forget what was going on I chose to look into something I had always had the desire of doing, which was, playing rugby. aside from a few practices when I was in college I really didn't have too much experience and due to my previously reconstructed shoulder, rugby never had gotten the full go ahead with me. but, the beautiful thing about rugby is, it's easy to learn. as long as you can run like crazy, don't mind getting hit, like short shorts, and can make some tackles (no matter how big the fella running at you is) you can play rugby.

over the next few years I began to rediscover who I was while playing this game. I love contact. I love to get hit and make some hits. I just love being active and competitive and along the way I was fortunate enough to have made some lifelong friends and to pretty much get in the best shape of my young life. I was single for the most part and having a blast getting my head stomped on. I made some plays, was a part of many road trips, won championships, drank a ton, broke my thumb, broke a tooth, disclocated my knee on seperate occasions, and I am pretty sure that I destroyed some ligaments in my right ankle, all without missing a single game and all the while having a blast.

well, a number years have passed and I have found myself at a crossroads. when I moved down here to virginia one of the first things that I did find local rugby squads to be a part of. only problem was that I didn't really get settled down here when I started and the past few rugbyless months have kind of shown me who I am now-a-days. Don't get me wrong, I'm still wicked awesome. Just now I am unsure what I want to do as I am now relationship toast. and this is in no way a bad thing, its great even. Rugby, you see, takes a great deal of time and time is a luxury when you are a 28 year old with a shitload to do. but when you have to devote two nights a week to practice, your entire saturday getting hit and then drinking, and follow that up with a sunday of recovery, there is not much left for you to get out there and really live. throw in the fact that the rugby season is: winter getting in shape and healing all wounds (I believe I have a small tear in my right knee and with the majority of the past few months spent resting and gaining weight I still don't think everything is gravy), spring season from march till may, a few weeks off, summer sevens, a few weeks off, pre-season workouts at the end of summer, and fall season lasting from labor day to mid november, what time is there to have for yourself?? I am constantly looking into things to do with kool-aid, you know, fun outdoorsy stuff and am doing a great job jotting some down and even joining a few. Camping, hiking, an ultimate frisbee league (which I've joined), softball, going to shows, traveling, mountain biking..how am I going to accomplish this with a frenzied rugby schedule??

Realistically I am just getting my thoughts out on paper...so to speak. Of course I am going to continue playing but who really knows for how long. I was serious about the tear in the knee thing. I mean, I do really think that there is something wrong there. But I have always had this vision of myself playing well into my forties and having my family at games watching dad get run over only to occasionally make a good play. Besides, I do really love to play. It just takes so much out of me and my body is already doing its best to fall apart. rugby is just so fuckin' great to be a part of though. "what are you doing this weekend?? Oh, playing rugby, thats bad ass." "why are you walking around like that?? got injured playing rugby the other day, jebus you're awesome!!" needless to say, I'll be back at it here in a few days as practices for the spring are already under way. I just think I need a bit longer to relax and get the head straight. I really do love playing the game, its just some of the things that go with it that make me second guess.

"oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god."

it's lookin' pretty good right??

Toastmaster General's "News of the Weird"

sorry, this was just something that I felt should be shared. upon entering the "georgetown" area of the district on my way to workies this morning I happened to hit one of the many red lights and boy did I stop accordingly. now, this may strike many of you "road travelers" as normal and believe you me this is no way out of the ordinary. but, what happens next will astound you.

like many others on the streets, when stopping at a red light I have a tendency to look around at the many other cars on the road and the individuals behind their respective wheels. as I looked over to the maroon toyota corolla that pulled up on my left I was left struck by what can properly be defined as AWE. a man in this mid forties complete with glasses and pony tail was driving a fuel efficient compact car. oh yeah...he was also playing the trumpet. WHAT?!?! this is a high traffic area, a morning commute; trumpet?!?!? he wasn't just throwing a few toots out there either, I mean he was going to town with that thing, mutha fuckin' Dizzy Gillespie style!!

I began to ponder as I sat there throughout the course of the red light, why this certain individual would be playing the trumpet behind the wheel of an automobile?? the only conclusion that I could reach that had nothing to do with him being absolutely insane or being late for marching band practice was that this feller was..in fact..perfecting his "hail to the redskins" performance. I mean, we are in DC. just have to say, do that at home post-work or on your lunch break buddy. you are probably receiving undeserved ridicule from assorted goofy irish bloggers. goofy irish bloggers that ROCK!

**toast starts singing the lyrics and guitar parts to "aenima" by tool**

"here comes yucky yucky, your special "get well" spoon; so swallow, swallow, swallow, and you'll feel better soon."

I'm not really sure what it is but whenever I am to experience the onset of even the least harmful of illnesses I turn into a quivering child. I am no longer a man, but a 8 year old boy who longs to be taken care of, especially with the assistance of a special friend. no matter what I do, whenever I begin to feel ill, all mantasticalness of the toast ceases to exist and what is left is the person who drove into work today, a shell of my normal, powerful and colorful self. all that I can think about is going home and lying down amidst a sea of blankets until whatever I have in me has run its course. but that's the thing, we're just talking about a little battle with the flu...if its that.

right about the time I was calling it quits last night I began to notice, however slight, an inkling of illness in the foreseeable future. I woke up this morning to whining flu pangs and sore throatiness that might cause a grade schooler to stay home but full grown thunder mcawesome who eats chumps for breakfast, this wouldn't keep him down. ahh...but you didn't know about my weakness did you, the common cold. it sends me whimpering off in search of blankeys and jammy jams. soups and oj. ladies and gentlemen, I have found my kryptonite. even though we caseys have a tremendous thresh-hold for pain and suffering, the slightest illness takes me down...takes me down to chinatown. currently I am still at my office trying my best but I don't see this lasting too much longer, at least not today. by the way, I am pretty sure that I took cold medicine meant for the pm; I haven't felt this drunk at work since that morning I had all of those beers on my drive in.

"Science and Industry! See big men sticking screwdrivers into things - turning them - AND ADJUSTING THEM!"

guess where I am and what I'm up to. go ahead, guess. I'll wait. well, with a little bit of techie work and a touch of luck, I am sitting here in full and relaxed comfort on the couch in me jammie jams typing away on the internet. that's right!!! someone just done installed a wireless router; JACKPOT!!! now, the internet browsing world is all mines. well....it wasn't really my doing....but it's installed nonetheless. WHOOP WHOOP!

"Jigsaw falling into place, There is nothing to explain."

well, all knew it had to be done but yesterday I went ahead and ordered tickets for radiohead as they're hitting us up here in Northern Virginia in about three months. only problem is that it wasn't as easy as originally anticipated. now, I have known about this show since they announced U.S. tour dates about a week or so ago. I happened to notice that they were playing an outdoor venue and with lawn seats most likely being the way of the toast here I really wasn't in that great of a rush to go online and start ordering away. besides, I had to go about checking to see if any of the toasted faithful would be interested in buying the ticket and taking the ride.

turns out I ended up making a tiny little mistake in my assumption. as I hit up ticketmaster's website to order away I ran into more than my fair share of problems. after giving it a few go's with no luck I decided to call up the nissan amphitheater's box office only to find out from the lovely rachel that the venue had indeed been sold out. the toast was not havin' this shit and shant not be letting an opportunity to see radiohead pass him by. especially in his own backyard.

**quick sidenote, radiohead is the fuckin' best live show I have ever attended, and this is coming from a pearl jam diehard who has also been to his fair share of drug enhanced phish and moe. shows, which are a hell of a time might I add. saw them in madison square garden a few years back, we're talkin' wicked awesome here.**

so what was the next turn?? where to go?? what to do?? back down?? give up?? hurl my laptop passing by co-workers?? fortunately, I did the next best thing. what is that you ask, a little thing I like to call.......third party vendors. jackpot!! needing three tickets, I began to use my head and looked sites like ebay and craigslist where I found a number of vendors, your "stubhub's" and "ticketturbo's" and after a wee bit o' searching found pack of four lawn seats at about 79 bones a piece. clocking in at just under twice the face of the $41 lawn seat it's a tad more than I wanted to spend but still beats what a few craigslisters were asking. one guy wanted $350 for a pair of tix, granted they were pavilion seats, but 350 dollars, you must be outta your goddamn mind!!!

after all was said and the $45 service fee was done, a four spot of lawn seats ran me about $375. wasn't terribly excited about the fact that I had to front some beefy cash for these seats but as my friend rose said, "I'll gladly take the hit in stride." basically, with opportunities to see one of my favorite bands already a rarity, the decision was a no brainer. needless to say, ever since tix were purchased yesterday I've been way too excited for a show that is still 79 days away. wait....that's how much I paid for seats. weird.

check this shit out!!


"jigsaw falling into place"


"bodysnatchers"


and one of my faves off in/rainbows "reckoner"

"it's pumpkinninny!!!"

I don't care who you are but posted above is classic entertainment at it's absolute finest. let's just say "you'll catch the limit!" that guy knows what I'm talkin' about.

/points over to good buddy kyle for approval (obligatory steal from ksk)

"I just flew in from Orlando and boy are my arms tired!!"

HA!!!

sorry for lack of awesome story telling and witty takes on various products, media, and sports entertainment over the past few but I just got back from spending a good amount of time in florida for work. that being said, more knee slappin', high five havin', and rib ticklin' toastedblog to come. come get a taste!!!

**potential topics in the nearest of futures**

-condiment of the week talk: I like it. anything that has to do with "sweet baby ray's" this guy will be all about.

-toastie's methods of seduction: any of you guys out there want to hear about how you can really pull in some high class tail?? learn from the toast, his hours of movie quotes, pass out drinking mentality, and high falootin' no nonsense attitude will assist you in landing your own "kool-aid". ask liz-a-hotty 5000, ladies don't stand a chance with these proven methods you'll get from the toast.

-radiohead in northern virginia??: oh mama!!!

-toastmaster general updates: laziness at an all time low, productivity growing in leaps and bounds, a back in constant pain...this is beginning to sound like the toast joined a gym.

- a classy "black tie" dress code + high levels of intoxication + a gussied up and hotter than normal kool-aid = oooh...rugby banquet!! wait..there's more...toast also has priviledge of gettin' "fancy drunk" at kool-aid's work party. niice!!!

- fantasy baseball fever...CATCH IT!!!: fantasy baseball just a few weeks away, we'll keep you up to date with a toast draft journal and a quick "who's who" for this year. all the milton bradley, so taguchi, corey hart, and kenji jhojima coverage one could ever want.

Sweet...

I'm a star wars nerd...what can I say. so, when a star wars nerd comes across something like this, he is going to act accordingly. unfortunately...there is nothing that can be done about these actions so don't even bother.

It's phi slamma jamma runnin' stank all over it with rib-ticklin' jumps of double vanilla funk!

woeber's sandwich pal horseradish sauce is fucking delicious!! I like to mix it with barbeque sauce and dip my dino nuggets in it. I'm pretty sure that if old wet newspapers were smothered in this stuff I'd find a way to take them down and ask for seconds. you could hand me a dead sea lion cub and I wouldn't think twice about eating it if I had me some sandwich pal. I'll dip fries in it, I'll slather it on french toast. put it in tuna fish, why the hell not?!?! I've dumped it on burritos, asparagus, leftover stroganoff, onion rings, broccoli, and pizza. not gonna lie to you internet audience but I would gladly shove your grandmother down a flight of stairs if I were to be offered a turkey on rye with sandwich pal.

It's "no meat" Wednesday!!!

damn you ash wednesday!!!

- for forcing me to eat a tuna sammich on rye when I have six pounds of perfectly good pulled pork sitting in delicious BAR-be-que sauce at home in the fridge.

- your annually making me choose something that I love to give up for the next forty days. (the toast is giving up being lazy so he can get his ass back into rugby shape!!) don't you know I've become accustomed to lyin' around on the couch with a bag of peanut m&m's??

- once again you've come'a'signalin' the start of meatless fridays till easters.

- caused me to think of ideas on what to eat on these afternoons and evenings without all that delicious meat that's usually on the menu. I get by because I do as little thinking as possible. you think I appreciate this?!?!

- with you're makin' me feel bad that I don't have charcoal on my forehead!

"Now if you excuse me, they're putting me into something called...hero squad"

Over 36 hours later and I am still shocked at what I witnessed while watching the super bowl on sunday night. did that really happen?? did someone give my 12 miller lites the classic "over-roofy"?? is this all a sick joke played by those dastardly media folk??? really, what's the deal?? I mean...the pats...they were supposed to win...right??? they were perfection. they were the greatest team ever. this was set to be a bit of a cakewalk for them. the spread was close to two touchdowns, they couldn't possibly lose...could they?? well, to steal a quote from a certain fan: "the giants just shoved 17 points up your mass-pike!!!"

well, my monday morning was spent driving to work feeling all tingly and full of goosebumps as espn radio repeatedly played clips of radio broadcaster's commentary of "the play" only to be followed by the absolute eruption from the crowd in the background. this literally sent shivers down my spine as I hurriedly sped down george washington parkway en route to my office in bethesda. what did I do when I got there??? well I instantly started checking out as many internet sites as possible for post-game coverage, clips, and shots of the giants and their celebration. now...what did I do when I got home??? well, that's easy, went ahead and watched all of the sports analysis shows that I taped during the day to get further coverage. seems only natural, doesn't it??

all in all, I think I have seen "the play" about 128 times and it only gets better with every viewing. eli slipping out of the grasp of the pats' three down linemen, taking a moment to steady himself before he hurls the ball 40 yards until it is met by a leaping former su standout in david tyree, who at this point had caught more balls in this very super bowl than he had snagged all year, and then maintains possesion as he falls backwards with pats safety rodney harrison draped all over him. whether or not it is the best play in super bowl history, who really cares?? it still was one of the more amazing plays I have ever seen, and this guy has seen his fair share, in a variety of sports.

but you can't really say enough about eli and his performance over the past few weeks. from going to a quarterback known as a possible bust as the no. 1 overall pick to taking down the "greatest team in nfl history" in only a few weeks is quite a leap. I don't care who you're a fan of, what he did on sunday during the fourth quarter was reminiscent of the days of joe montana. for his play over the past few and the way he went about getting the giants their third super bowl title eli will never have to pay for a meal in nyc for the rest of his life.

to end this we have a what was said by giants owner John K. Mara on the team's triumph:

“It's the greatest victory in the history of the franchise, without question. I just want to say to all you Giants fans who have supported us for more than 30 years at Giants Stadium, for all those years in Yankee Stadium, and some of you even back to the Polo Grounds, this is for you.”

this will keep the toast chipper for quite some time. 2007-08 ny giants, so glad that I bought the ticket and took the ride.

Not gonna talk about it.

here we are a mere two days away from the super bowl and the toast has yet to throw out some witty commentary on the big game. I mean, the giants are in it for chrissakes! with all that media crap that goes on before the game the endless talk and anaylsis that keeps getting brought up, magnified and picked apart incessently, I am just unable to comment. fact is, all of it drives me fuckin' insane!! that's why there shouldn't be two weeks in between championship week and the super bowl. take note nfl, it makes the toast angry, you want to be the ones responsible for that?? no, I didn't think so.

but your team is in the big game and you're not even going to discuss what the possible outcome could be?? what could happen on the biggest stage in all of sports??? do eli and the giants have a chance against the unbeatable pats?? my response...no comment. just want to see a good game. thats all the analysis that you're going to get from this guy. not going to discuss plaxico's guarantee and I am certainly not going to bring up brady's boot, or now lack there of. not going to write about the sheer fucked up craziness of a 12 point spread or the versatility of the pats offense. going five wide or lining up with two tight ends and playing smash mouth...who gives a shit?? randy moss and his restraining order, the giants with the flu, the new eli, bill simmons slurping the pats and their "dream season" (by the way, the internet audience here may be quite glad that I can't really get to espn.com while at work as I would be throwing a shit stormin' temper tantrum if I could read what I imagine is inthis), how necessary it is for the front four of the giants to get pressure on brady, welker and faulk and their abilities to do their job, the giants being a better team overall without shockey and tiki. nope, no more super bowl talk here.

well I guess I can say something. lady toast has given me the go ahead to make a heap o' eats and have the fridge fully stocked with some beers as we're going to be having a few guests for the game. so far, rumor has it that there is going to be a variety of dips and apps brought by a few people (reuben dip, mmmm.....) and the toast is throwing together some top notch pulled pork and some drunken spicy pull and eat shrimp. ohh...so tasty. my digestive system is so screwed.

that's it, GO GIANTS!!!

Gift fo' yo' kool-aid.

personally I see myself as lucky as I have found someone who will appreciate receiving something like what is pictured above.

just a few days away now. GO GIANTS!!!

"Harvey...tell them what they've won!"

saturday, kool-aid and the toast are scheduled to attend a birthday party at some bar for one of her friends down here in D.C. sounds great right??? now if this were going to be a party for your toastmaster general it would involve some hole in the wall bar to celebrate getting another year older by getting blinding drunk on cheap booze and eating way too many wingies. well...this is D.C. this isn't just a night in a bar with a few friends; this is going to have to be an event. so what does saturday night have in store for this guy?? ladies and gentlemen, may I present, an 80's sitcom themed birthday blowout for about 50 plus city folk. now, its not going to be a bad time and I'm not even coming close to suggesting that it won't be a scene the toast won't get down on. its just not my way of doing things and its fine. I believe in getting dressed up, just once a year....on halloween.

anywho, kool-aid and I painstakingly had to come up with an 80's sitcom and television themed costume that got the toast stamp of approval, meaning it had to be creative, clever, and hilarious. plus it had to be fit for a couple so your ideas of alex p. keaton or magnum p.i. wouldn't have been able to work too well. dangited right?? I mean, picture the toast with a hawaiian shirt, 80's short shorts, aviator shades, bushy moustache and a tigers hat. plus, as we said, we were thinking of clever here so you weren't going to see any zach and kelly, slater and jessie, sam and diane, type of nonsense here. not in the least.

so, where'd the ladytoast and the general end up?? well a quick purchase of some matching blue shirts and pants, the pending pickup of a few pairs of safety goggles, design and creation of some makeshift ring toss helmets, you've got yourselves a pair of double dare contestants. tell you the truth, all I'm looking forward to is a few physical challenges that night....OW!! well, I guess winning a minivan wouldn't hurt either.

Rent that shit!!!

We here at toastedblog have decided to come up with a new segment devoted to my love of all types of movies that's simply going to be titled "rent that shit". some may say: "hey toast, most folk out there already have a decent idea on what to check out so why would they really care what you have to say on the matter?? well, fuck 'em, thats why.

now, traditionally I have been labeled as one that generally enjoys the movies that I do watch and pretty much my reaction will be the same.

"toast, what did you think of "insert movie title here"??"

"I loved it, thought that it was great."

thats right, my movie critic skills can generally be summed up in those very words: "I loved it, thought that it was great." True, you may get a "hmm...thought that it was pretty good" or a "eh....that was decent" thrown in there to boot but most movies that I do decide to see will get the toast stamp of approval. why is that you ask?? maybe it's due to the fact that I am not a good judge of films. maybe it's because I know what I like and refuse to take too many chances on the very many shitty films that are out there. nonetheless, it is not very often that flicks that I catch will get hit with the never impressive "garbage" status. that'll hurt you everytime, no matter who or what you are.

so what gets two thumbs up from the toast this time 'round?? well, it's 3:10 to Yuma. it's a damn good flick. now, why don't you just go out there and rent that shit!!

Chigago Mutha-Fuckas!!

hey all, just flew back from a few days in chigago and boy are my arms tired. HA! not a lot of time here this afternoon as the lunch hour she is just about done so I'll make this short and sweet. here we have a quick overview of the haps on a random January visit to the magical midwest.

- friday: flight delayed, because of this the decision to hit up airport bar for a beer or two quickly turns into three beers and a nice plate of nachos loaded with jalapenos, refried beans, and cheese.

toastmaster general - 1, fellow plane passengers - 0.

- saturday: metra-train ride into the city where it is about 4 degrees outside. walking around downtown chigago may not have been the best decision. kool-aid and the toast hit up the field museum where I go nuts over dinosaurs and the ever impressive special exhibit on maps. dinosaur noises made profusely and many tales of last trip to the museum made with uncle jitter are told. the walk back to train station through the chigago waterfront turns out to be...cooold blooded!!

- sunday: shockey clad toast drives into rogers park to see good buddy danny and to watch the games. end up in some bar around the corner from danny's apartment. this is where we get really interesting. due to too many shots and way too many old styles, a giants victory is greeted with the toast yelling "mutha-fuckin' giants" in a place predominantly filled with aging and out of shape packer fans. the toast is treated with looks of disapproval and is later locked out of the bar. the evening concludes with myself falling asleep while a certain lady toast drives his drunk ass back to his mom's. around 3:30 am our hero suffers a reversal of fortunes. no longer does he retain that delicious deep dish pizza enjoyed only hours beforehand. I then proceed to almost knock myself out by crashing into a cabinet in my mother's bathroom. good times?? you betcha!!

- monday: the following.

random inquisitor: "hey toast, what did you and the lady do when you went to chigago??"

toastmaster general: "oh..good question. we went to the mall and target."

well I can tell you it was for good reason...kinda. went out to my grandmother's in schaumburg and not gonna lie to you but the toast was a little out of it. believe hungover is the correct term. after a while at my grandmother's, I just felt like I needed a bit of a jump start so went out to a local mall. sue me! wasn't all for not, the "rocker" in toast got himself a new flannel. bad ass!! later, we went out to dinner and family got to know lady toast a bit more, we later discover that kool-aid is the tops.

- tuesday: not too much going on today, except that I get to go to the best place in all the land, Portillo's, where I promptly engage in the "classic" over-eat by taking in two italian beef sandwiches. Portillo's merch is purchased. I say my goodbyes to ma dukes and lady toast as she is staying in chigago a few extra days to attend a work training seminar. my flight is once again delayed and once again fellow passengers are displeased as they now have to fly with a toast that is digesting two italian beef sandwiches loaded with hot peppers.

toastmaster general - 2, fellow plane passengers - 0.

all in all, a pretty decent trip.

Polish Sausage....Ditka....Bears

Well, in a little over five hours, lady toast and yours truly will be making our way to chigago for the weekend...american airlines style. when one thinks of nice january get-a-ways subzero temperatures in the windy city are often the first to come to mind. nonetheless kool-aid and her toastmaster general are off to the central time zone for what should be a nice visit to ma toast and some other members of the family. plus, I'll get to see this guy!!! alexandria, let me know if you want me to bring you back some deep dish pizza.

After all, I am a ticking time bomb of fury.

UNCONTROLLABLE RAGE!! Usually the toast can be seen as a person that is, quite possibly, the easiest to get along with on the entire eastern seaboard. Always upbeat, funny, hit with the ladies, quick with a joke, or to light up your smoke, a certain toastmaster general is an easy going fella. However, over time, buttons can continually get pushed and I can't take this shit anymore. What makes me angry of late......

Tom Brady, the best ever??: now this isn't really a slam on Brady but more the media slurping Brady and his accomplishments of this season. I am aware that brady had a ridiculous year numbers wise and the Pats went undefeated and everything but what sports media refuses to acknowledge are the changes in the rules over the past few years. are you even allowed to play defense anymore?? defensive backs are basically helpless in their ability to cover receivers in this league. I can't even give an estimate to the number of 5 yard illegal contact penalties that I have seen over the past few weeks, let alone the past few years. defensive backs don't have a shot in this league that allows big receivers such as randy moss, terrell owens (don't even get me started on him, you'll see more later), and to show that I am not completely biased plaxico burress are allowed to hand check, clutch, hold, make all sorts of contact to get open. with this kind of advantage the toast can go out there and toss a few touchdowns, let alone people whose job that is. Guys like Marino, Elway, and Montana didn't have that luxury.

People not using their turn signals: upon my move to the metro D.C. area I really noticed the blatant disregard these people have down here for other drivers. I'm not talking about not using signals when you're cruising down the street and looking to change lanes, I can see that from time to time. what I'm referring to is a full fledged turn here. Traffic lanes, residential neighborhoods, few things get my dander up like these pieces of shit and the majority of this stems from the fact that these people just think that they are better or more important than you. these middle aged pricks wearing fat-ass docker pants sitting in audi's and their SUV driving wives just don't take the time out of what they are doing to be considerate to other people on the road and it just sends me into a rage induced frenzy.

jessica simpson: you have no talent, you can't sing and you definitely cannot act and yet you keep popping up all over the place. whether this is your doing our your creepy glory obsessed father/manager but there is always some ploy to get you in the center of attention and I can't take it anymore. either it's: you're a virgin and waiting for marriage, you're a dumbass who doesn't understand the concept of tunafish, need a divorce from your husband 'cause he's not famous enough, the critics aren't fans of your shitty music/movie (insert title here) so lets find a new way to get attention, I'll date a quarterback and get the sports media talking about me too. I can't stand hearing about you anymore and the Toast is gettin' very upset!!!

terrell owens: I really find it hard to believe that you are actually upset about this whole romo vacation thing. you have thrown everyone you have ever played with under the bus, are a horrible human being and role model, and are another player in this current nfl taking advantage of rules made to make the game more offensively exciting. I'd like to see you trying to run over the middle against the steel curtain of the 70's or when ronnie lott or steve atwater were running wild in the 80's.

reality tv: this subject won't even be discussed for fear that I may hurl my work laptop into a wall.

the writer's strike: I'm not even too sure why you guys are actually striking. I can count the number of worthwhile shows over the past few years on my left hand and shows that were actually great have been cancelled due to the previous thing that makes me angry, reality tv. go back to work so I can watch the office.

pennsylvania: I hate you. I hate your highways and interstates. I hate how you always "claim" to be under construction and yet I see no improvements nor do I see actual work being done. I hate how you always add an extra two to three hours on any trip I try to make through you. your lone redeeming quality is the philly cheese steak. please find a way to blow up some how.

Glad you finally decided to drink the kool-aid.

Dear Eli,

I not entirely sure when the idea of successfully playing the quarterback position in the NFL came to you but this kid is certainly glad it has. For some reason your ability to fully process what is going on out there has finally clicked and the toast no longer has to be the one that is driving fast and taking chances in supporting you. You have no idea how extremely happy I have been ever since you led the giants to victory over the much despised cowboys. please note that from here on out the toast is struttin' around the office with an lil' extra hop in his step and twinkle in his eye due to your play the past few weeks.

now, I'm not going to get ahead of myself and dub you the next big thing that has hit the position but the fact that you are showing some consistency and successfully managing this balanced offensive attack is makin' me all sorts of giddy. please do your best to keep it up and remember that your play of late is doing wonders in making believers out of giants fans all over. now go get 'em out there in wisconsin!!!

sincerely,

toastmaster general

**DICTATED NOT READ**

The best I've ever had....

I am sitting here in my office with a fresh cup of afternoon coffee going through the typical friday work motions when in walks a co-worker with a small box of what appear to be some sort of treats. next think I know I am absolutely floored by this chocolate chocolate chip cookie from a bakery near my office building. monarchs don't eat this well.

"LIVE IT..LIVE IT!"

This post is pretty much just shit that I'm rockin' of late. Enjoy.


the clash - "janie jones" the clash
over the past few years I have gone from finding the clash iffy musically to having them in my top five. When you have a free two and a half minutes, give this beat a listen.

pearl jam - "can't keep" live at benaroya hall
this tune popped on my ipod while I was driving home from work the other day. I really found myself digging this unplugged version of the first beat off of "riot act". special bonus, there's a mandolin. YAHTZEE!!

dvda - "now you're a man" orgazmo sdtrk
"what makes a man, is it the power in his hands or is it his quest for glory?"

soulive - "tabasco" turn it out
solid soulive beat. good for lying around to, maybe while under some influence of sorts. they were down here in DC/Northern VA not too long ago but unfortunately the opportunity to see them sailed me by. hopefully my living in a large metropolitan area will aid in them gracing the toast's prescence in the near future.

otis redding - "take me to the river"
for some reason I always associate this tune with the talking heads; who of course did a cover on some album. I think if I were a stripper this would be the song I'd seduce strangers for singles with.

band of horses - "the general specific" cease to begin
I really like this album and this past year band of horses and this record got a lot of hype from the critics. this song helps that hype seem like it was deserved. my take on "cease to begin", eh...it was pretty good. wouldn't kick it out of my bed.

pink floyd - "coming back to life" the division bell
I know what you're saying, "but its the division bell." I still think the beat is solid. Nice little Gilmour solo thrown in there for good measure. He could tear it up when he wanted to.

foo fighters - "let it die" echoes, silence, patience, and grace
I've said it before and will continue to do so for some time. Dave Grohl can sing pretty and yell like a badass whenever necessary. come get a taste.

the verve - "this time" urban hymns
I don't know why I don't listen to this album more, or why it never really got any pub. back in the day. I threw it on while putting up a few shelves around the apartment the other night, it really is a great listen.

moe. - "wind it up" the conch
I had this beat in my head for a week or so before I went home or a few days over christmas. my friday night out with some of the boys back home (who also happen to be moe. fans) featured beerpong and couple pulls of what-have-you before we hit up the bar a good walk down the street. what did I want to hear to go go with the what-have-you's?? wind it up indeed.

spoon - "rhthm and soul" ga ga ga ga ga
rhythm without the "y", that's crazy....crazy good.

the white stripes - "I'm bound to pack it up" de stijl
the more I listen to "de stijl" the more I like it in a favorite white stripes album rock off. this beat, a little more mellow, still worthy to throw on and give a listen.

beastie boys - "alright hear this" ill communication
anyone who knows the toast has a pretty good idea about my love for the beasties. however, every once in a while I seem to find another beat off of one of their albums that just happens to strike a cord and causes me to want to listen to it for the next few months. "alright hear this" is that current beasties jam.

radiohead - "polyethylene" airbag/how am I driving
this happened to slip on during a drive to work when I couldn't take listening to redskins monday morning on espn radio (every monday, they block out mike and mike to talk 'skins...stupid washington). its off some 5 song single that came out the same time as "OK Computer" and this is a damn fine tune.

the slip - "airplane/primitive" eisenhower
this was probably one of my top ten albums of '06. this beat being my favorite from "Eisenhower". bands from boston usually equal good times.

run DMC - "beats to the rhyme" tougher than leather
what??? they o.g. son!!! you sucker m.c's.

tenacious d - "tribute" tenacious d
recently was found viewing the Pick of Destiny on HBO. for quite some time the D have ruled the Toast with their rock.

dave matthews band - "hunger for the great light" weekend at the rocks
back in my high school and early college days the toast was a bit of a dave fan. then came the summer before my senior year when I paid 50 bucks for a lawn seat for a show in Saratoga NY only to be surrounded by a bunch of douches. Needless to say that I stopped really paying attention to this bands music. Oddly enough Pa Cregg is a fan (due to my younger brother) and he offered me a ticket to a concert the summer of '06 when his special lady couldn't make it. I saw it as an opportunity to see a free show and spend some QT with Pops. Needless to say I kinda got down (beers and other stuff) and before I knew it I borrowed some 6 disc show from my dad.

the roots - "rolling with the heat" phrenology
one of the biggest regrets I had about missing this past year's moe.down was that I gave up a chance to see the roots in an alcohol induced drug friendly environment. that experience must have been off the hook.

lcd soundsystem - "get innocuous!" sound of silver
this was another album that came out last year with much pub. from the critics. its kinda dancey and hip, tell you the truth, I like it

phish - "chalk dust torture" MSG New Year's '95
nothing really special in terms of reason why I'm rockin' this beat, just know that it equals good times.

radiohead - "jigsaw falling into place" in_rainbows
toast quickly found this beat to be one of his favorites on this new radiohead album. I just really dig their music and with "In_Rainbows", radiohead once again did not disappoint

the beta band - "assessment" heroes to zeros
I've been rocking their albums at work for the past few weeks and have been a fan of the betas for a bit now. unfortunately three is all that you'll find as these scots are now defunct. look 'em up though toastedblog fans, if they get a two thumbs up from this guy, who knows how much you'll love 'em.

david lee roth - "just a gigolo"
"bowsie bowsie bop, zitty bop. Iiiiiiiii ain't got no-body"

outkast - "behold a lady" the love below
I like songs with hand claps, I don't care what you think.

muse - "shrinking universe" new born
this song is off of some muse B-side album and due to it being on a preview for the movie "28 weeks later", everytime I go to rent a movie and pass the dvd box in new releases causes this song to pop back in the old noggin. it doesn't help that this dude can scream awesome as well. listen for the wailin' at the end. woah...

pearl jam - "inside job" pearl jam
"inside job" was one of my favorite songs off of this most recent pearl jam album. I don't know what it is about songs that start off slow and then creep and build into full blown awesomeness around the 5 minute mark but they really rev my engine.

beck - "strange apparition" the information
you know when songs just kinda find themselves on mixes, this is one of them. I haven't listened enough of this album to be all "the information is like wicked awesome", nonetheless, this tune makes me want to check out more.


toast OUT!!

Don't let your babies grow up to be Cowboys.

I hate 'Merica's team and everything they stand for and the fact that the Giants have to head to Dallas this weekend has given me both a hop in my step and a case of the mud butt. Part of me wants the Giants to go into Dallas and beat Homo-Romo and the rest of his motley crew on their own backyard but I can't help to feel a wee bit nervous about this game on Sunday. Basically I am not too sure how well I will be able to handle a loss to the much hated Cowboys. Realistically having Eli get playoff win number one and getting to see the Giants one more time this year should be enough to make the Toast feel all warm and fuzzy.

Now, I shouldn't be focusing on who the Giants are playing and just be glad that they are still playing. But to have to see them lose to the Cowboys; not gonna lie but that may get the Toast classic "I'm getting upset" soundbyte, and no one wants that, not at all. I don't want to be walking around having to listen to douchebags in T.O. jerseys talking about how Romo is the next "insert great quarterbackman here" nor do I need to keep seeing, reading, and hearing about the him and Simpson as well. Dammit, I've made myself all sorts of angry and now I'll have to sit through the rest of the day with UNCONTROLLABLE RAGE. I need some top shelf hooch STAT!

Pay attention Philadelphia..

If you see this rather LARGE American, who did in fact "get dangited" by Ma Jitters prior to college, walking around over the next few days; go ahead and ask him what version of windows he is using. It most certainly is not windows vista.

Also, ask him what he is doing for the games this weekend as his good pal Toastmaster General might be looking to get down on Saturday night.