At Least It's Not Emo.

Most people out there know that I loooove to rock. Last night while watching Xavier keep my bracket alive by defeating West Virginia I was rocking sump'in sweet in the background, that being a nice little i-pod mix from the White Stipes that I went ahead and created yesterday during lunch (if you play your cards right internet audience I could very well share it with you as we close out this post). What was I doing before basketball you ask, well I was rocking to the highest power while I was completing my man-tastic workout at the gym. All edge I tells ya. Hell, my mantasticalness is so potent half of you ladies that be reading the nonsense that I kick just got pregnant. Computers sure are doing a lot these days.

However, for all the rockin' that the Toast is capable of, there is a more subdued and tender side to the Toast and his musical tastes. Call it wuss rock, call it indie. Go ahead and call it art rock if you will, although that is more of a "Zappa term". Whether it be dubbed acoustic folk, chick rock, folk rock, or just straight up singer/songwriter with heart-felt lyrics rock my eclectic musical tastes sometimes will lead me there. I've often been accused by current best buddy and former college roommate "Little" Charlie Coville that I have indeed lost my edge. What about you internet audience?? How do you feel about this matter?? Have I....Mayor McToast...Toastmaster General....Casey to those in the know, lost my edge??

Whatever!! I have nothing to prove to you, internet reader!! So I enjoy "The Shins" from time to time, big deal. Who cares if I dig bands such as "The Decemberists", I kinda like it. So what if I want to go ahead and listen to PJ Harvey all while sitting alone in the candle light with my thoughts, dreams and emotions (check out "Grow Grow Grow" and "Silence" off of White Chalk....very nice). Go to hell Little Crapper, I still have edge. I was just rockin' some bad ass "Queens of the Stone Age" just a little while back as I was perusing expiring insurance policies within the next 30 days and nothing screams edge having like a post due general liability insurance policy, and QOTSA.

So what exactly is the meaning of all of this you ask. Well, I sat here thinking to myself about my edge, lack-there-of, and these non-rocking beats I sometimes check out as I was giving another solid listen to the soundtrack to the movie Once . Pretty much doing nothing but being stationary at my desk in my office after lunch and just debating what task to tackle next or do I just go home at 3:30. About four months ago Kool-Aid and I picked up Once and if you haven't checked out the movie and you aren't concerned with whether or not your former college roommate thinks you still have that hard rocking edge full time or not I fully suggest giving it a look see. More importantly, do yourself a favor and pick up the soundtrack as you'll want to have the ability to listen to Glen Hansard following your initial viewing (I particularly enjoy "Say it to Me Now", "Leave", and "Trying to Pull Myself Away"). Also, go out and get yourself some music from "The Frames"; the nice little Irish band of which Mr. Hansard hails (Dance the Devil is the tops). The amount of energy and emotion Hansard puts into his music is definitely something that should be experienced.

*And for those paying attention, Toastmaster General's White Stripes Mix*

- "Blue Orchid" Get Behind Me Satan
- "Hello Operator" De Stijl
- "Black Math" Elephant
- "Astro" The White Stripes
- "Why Can't You Be Nicer To Me?" De Stijl
- "Expecting" White Blood Cells
- "There's No Home For You Here" Elephant
- "A Martyr For My Love For You" Icky Thump
- "Apple Blossom" De Stijl (the tops I tells ya!!)
- "Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground" White Blood Cells
- "Girl, You Have No Faith in Medicine" Elephant
- "Denial Twist" Get Behind Me Satan
- "Stop Breaking Down" The White Stripes
- "I'm Bound to Pack It Up" De Stijl
- "Take Take Take" Get Behind Me Satan
- "Little Cream Soda" Icky Thump
- "Hypnotise" Elephant
- "Let's Build a Home" De Stijl
- "Fell in Love With a Girl" White Blood Cells
- "Catch Hell Blues" Icky Thump
- "Seven Nation Army" Elephant
- "Little Bird" De Stijl (one can sing awesome guitar sounds with this beat)

Its Van Damme Friday people; make some noise!!

Useless Item No. 6438: Stupid Pocket on Pants

Currently I am wearing pants; khaki pants. What I want to know is, can someone please tell me what the hell this tiny pocket up near the right-side front belt loop is for and what it is doing there?? Take a look at the link; go ahead...I'll wait.

Really, is someone going to put change in that fucking thing?? I think it's supposed to be for one of those pocket watches on a chain but is anyone aside from men clad in bowler hats (see also: derby) and a monocle circa early 1900's still using those things. And the pocket just keeps getting bunched up under there while I wear these bad boys and office folk here give me strange looks as I attempt to straighten that damn thing out.

What's the deal pant makers?? Can't a guy just get a regular pair of khaki's anymore, without all of these randomly placed pockets, pouches, and fucking zippers?? All I want is a pair of khaki pants that I can wear to work that make my butt look amazing so kool-aid would like to get all up ons, either before I leave for the office or when I drag my ass in the door following a long day workin' for the man. I didn't ask for random pockets to be placed wherever you wanted. And who are the case studies these pant producers reference when they are green-lighting pant prototypes?? If I ever run into the designer who thought the idea of a random pocket right underneath the front belt loop was a bang-up idea I'm going to kick them in the shin....HARD. These guys are probably the same guys that ride their bike to work and brag about it. I can't get started on them now so we'll have to devote an entire post to those people soon.

**Sidenote**
Don't even think like the Toast is all against riding bikes to work. It's a dynamite way to get some exercise, save on gas, and help the environment. But do they have to rub it in our faces by walking into the office all sweaty carrying their twelve speed decked out like fucking Lance Armstrong??

also gonna hit y'all with some of this....POW!!

Assorted Random Toast Highlights:

- Today's post-lunch iTunes pop up of "Mah Nà Mah Nà" from The Muppet Show leaves the Toast with a little extra bounce in his step.

- I popped a filling in a molar on Friday and yesterday featured my first trip to a dentist not named Dr. James Carpenter. At first it was a bit odd but then I got to know the Bolivian dental hygienist. Nice!

- Few things satisfy like driving along with the windows down as you pump "Brass Monkey".

- Jello pudding cups care fucking delicious and they should be included in every lunch at all costs.

- Pearl Jam tix are still not on sale. This is me, waiting patiently.

- This past Saturday morning featured a post-gym, three hour plus, online fantasy baseball draft complete with gratuitous amounts of chocolate milk, an egg, ham, and cheese bagel, a touch of the "good stuff", and a viewing of Robocop. Few things have made me happier; is that sad?? That being said, my team, the Spanish Pantalones, is the shit!!

- I made a ham on Easter, what of it??

- It's 65 degrees and sunny outside, how can I get out of the office and start golfing??

- Kool-aid is sick; sexy time is at an all time low, video game playing steadily rising.

- Make mental note to eat more eggo waffles as those fuckers are tasty.

hey!!! look who it is!!!

The Toast was sent this picture of hims-self just the other day. Not much to say really, its just me at a "hole in the wall" bar on a night out with a few good buddies last summer, just days before my move down to DC. No real reason for posting it, just that it makes me remember that I am pretty badass....in a goofy Irish sort of way. I think I ate nachos that night.

Two Words....FUCK and YES!!!

Pearl Jam is fucking coming to Washington D.C.!!! Commence fists to full on rocking positions. This show now gives the Toast his top two bands in consecutive months (Toast's no. 2, Radiohead, is May 11th). Both concerts in my fucking backyard!!! One couldn't make this shit up if they tried. I'm almost as excited as I was last night when Kool-Aid surprised me with a box of snickers ice-cream bars to enjoy during my college basketball binge. Good god those things are delicious.

Oh Mama!!

True, I should be pumped for my impending early afternoon flee from the office so I can hang out on the couch and watch me some college basketball while dreaming of what I will do with my bracket winnings (so far I have take kool-aid to one of those restaurants where they bring you all those meats on swords or trip to best buy to purchase "insert awesomely new video game system here"). And I am, I'm pumped to do that. But for some reason I can't help but to continually think about the kool-aid's left-over burrito from last night's post REI run to Moe's that I was fortunate enough to snag for lunch today. I'm so gonna reheat that pig and slather it in hot sauce and cheese. Rest easy toast, after pulling this one off, you deserve some time on the couch. YAY BURRITOS AND BALLIN'!!!

**quick sidenote**
kool-aid may go for me picking up a nintendo wii, but can I really turn down a ps3 or xbox 360? even more unlikely, will I be really be able to ignore meat on swords??

So you're a nursing home janitor living in Boston.....and what's your son's name again??

Remember when I said I went back home to Syracuse over the weekend, well that did actually happen. But what coincides with going home for a few days is the eventual drive home. Not gonna lie to you, but this is always dreaded. The last thing that one wants to do is spend their hung over Sunday on the road for upwards of 6 hours en route to Washington DC. Those who say this is something they want to do, go ahead and kick them in the teeth. They are fucking liars and must be dealt with accordingly.

Anywho, kool-aid and the toast made our return journey to DC early sunday afternoon and right near sunny scranton, pa did we decide to turn up the heat on this drive home with everyone's favorite grade school game, M.A.S.H. I had kool-aid digging through my briefcase as I cruised down interstate 81 to find my "blog" notebook to get things a-rollin. The Toast didn't do too badly for his-self pulling in a classy dame in Kate Beckinsale to father my 7 children. Of course the first born and heir to my Massachusetts estate is my eldest son, "Huey Lewis". I narrowly missed the luxury of traveling to my job as a bikini inspector in a airplane made of biceps. I will instead have to deal with life as a nursing home janitor and will be forced to rely on getting back and forth to work in my sweet dune buggy. Other hopeful scenarios had me living the dream as a wealthy philanthropist who was fortunate enough to reel in Liz Phair and father a son named "Dingleman" while residing in my home on the Irish country-side. I guess it could be worse though, I could be driving the Weiner-Mobile to my shack inside Mt. Vesuvius.

Kool-aid had a rough go of it though. You're looking at D.C.'s newest skid-mark measurer and cleaner. We're not talkin' roads here either. Fortunately she does have a bumper car to transport her safely to and fro all those tainted underpants and will get the luxury of spending her homelife in an Croatian apartment with a pet armadillo named "goober".

Uhhhh.....

This past weekend I returned home to the ever impressive Syracuse, NY for some St. Patty's Day drinking. If you are from Syracuse or have ever been blessed with the opportunity to spend a "parade day" there you may know the goings on of which I speak. Now, its not a classy town, far from it actually. But those in the know realize that basically all there is to do in a town like Syracuse, especially in the winter/"spring", is to drink. And I mean DRINK.

"what do you want to do tonight??" dunno, lets get drunk."

"hey there nice lady, you want to watch me slam an 18 pack and pass out??" (lady swoons)

there, you pickin' up what I'm puttin' down?? internet readers better be as I am functioning at about 30% normal intellectual capacity and thus don't have the patience, or ability, to elaborate. For example, I just spent two solid minutes looking for the key that held the percent symbol (i.e. %) on my laptop here. this was proceeded by an uncomfortable 10 minute conversation with a co-worker discussing some of the haps for this monday here in the office. and this is now a full day after retarded central NY style boozin'. long story short I really have no idea on what I am doing today and for some reason I am typing this out for whatever internet audience my so called blog has. for your enjoyment you are reading how I am strugglin' a bit at the office following a trip to exquisite central new york so I can get hammered outside with my buddies over the course of 14 hours. in some aspects, I am proud of myself that I can still take down about 30 beers and enjoy the finer things in life (jamming 4 pieces of pizza following an incredibly risky drive home). its the fact that I am beginning to notice that this whole binge drinking is still affecting me and my attempts at normalcy now a few days afterwards, that's what irking the toast. GREAT...I can still hang, now just give me a few days to recollect my thoughts. I mean, I have a list of symptoms taking me down whilst I try simple activities today. SYMPTOMS?!?!

1. body feels like I fell down a flight of stairs
2. have toughness of an easily bruised piece of fruit
3. constant brain is fuzzy feeling
4. ability to recollect information constantly fading
5. simple tasks = fucking difficult
6. conversation skills at an all-time low

Am I complaining??? Kinda. Is there anything that I can and will do about it??? Well, short of stopping the occasional drink till I'm blind mentality I don't really think so. Not until I pop out a few little toasts will I be forced to give up on that dream. Am I making any sense?? Eh..not really. Realistically I am going to look back on this post in a day or so, maybe even less, and really wonder what the hell I was thinking and why was I typing it down. I just know that right now the toast is all over the place and trying to not make the higher ups all around me aware of what it is. we'll see how this ends up panning out. so far the outlook is fair to midland.

**quick sidenote**
the percent symbol is on the 5.

And I thought I knew what awesome was...

until I stumbled across this.

I'm a MAN!!

so who cares if I left my deodorant in my gym bag and that stayed overnight in the car causing me to use some of kool-aid's antiperspirant because I didn't want to go outside and get mine in the cold, dark morning. I'm a MAN!! A man whose sweater smells like flowery baby powder.....uh..this stuff is more potent than anticipated.

I'm a MAN!!!

Toastmaster General's "News of the Weird"

ok, so stuff seems to happen when I drive to work. what's the deal you ask. realistically, I just don't know. maybe its due to the amount of traffic on the roads down here in DC?? maybe it has to do with the number of foreign automobiles or young republicans and their inability to "think"?? who knows??? all that I seem to know is that shit goes down when I am on the path to workies every morning during the week. so what was it this morning??

as I was taking my normal route that is the magical jefferson davis parkway I drove past some car that had stopped directly behind a jeep wrangler with a few people just kinda standing all around it, some on the side of the road, some in front of said jeep. just passing it off as a bit of a fender bender I proceeded to cruise by at about 20 miles per hour as this is the going rate leading up to a stop light about a hundred yards past this particular intersection. knowing full well that the light ahead of me had just turned to red I decided to partake in an action that is not a normal thing for the toast. what is it you ask my internet faithful, well that would be "rubber-necking"; you know, turning your head to check out the accident, cop giving motorist ticket, and so on, which, in turn, disrupts all traffic cruising behind you. now, normally I'll go ahead and hop on board with the "rubber necking" only when passing by a lady that I have to get another look at (ahem..kool-aid) but this was one time I was glad that I gave it a go. as I passed this little scene I previously set up for you my only reaction was to chirp the following: "oh shit!" what I saw was a few grocery bags, some milk splattered on the ground, and a middle aged man lying motionless on the ground. now, this kinda surprised me as it wasn't the accident I was expecting to see. what really surprised me more was the fact that the five or six people surrounding the scene really didn't seem to distraught by the goings on. I don't know about you, but when I come across a possible dead man lying a few feet in front of me you're going to be hearing an awful lot of "oh fuck's!" and "what the shit's!" I'm certainly not going to be standing there casually like I am waiting in line for an all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet.

LeVar Burton's "House o' Fixins"

and if you thought I'd be doing something better with my time this morning like going to meetings you thought like an idiot. the line about trading drugs for "not rape" got me going puh-RITT-ee good. ahh....mondays.

"I used to be a renegade, I used to fool around. But I couldn't take the punishment, and had to settle down"

Ah Huey Lewis. You are sooo..awesome. But this post is unfornately not about you. (Dangited!!) Lately I have been throwing some things around my head and I am still pretty much at a loss at what to do. Now, I have been playing rugby regularly for the past 5 years and I am wondering whether or not to, as they say, hang 'em up. The cleats that is. hang 'em up, you know, retire. I still really love to play, I just don't know if I can keep devoting the amount of time and effort anymore. Plus my body is really beginning to hate me. If you had my knees and shoulders you'd understand.

To start this off, rugby came back to me really at a time in need. Back in '03 I was to experience a terrible break up following a long relationship and I spent the next few months in a funk to end all funks. As a way to break myself free and just forget what was going on I chose to look into something I had always had the desire of doing, which was, playing rugby. aside from a few practices when I was in college I really didn't have too much experience and due to my previously reconstructed shoulder, rugby never had gotten the full go ahead with me. but, the beautiful thing about rugby is, it's easy to learn. as long as you can run like crazy, don't mind getting hit, like short shorts, and can make some tackles (no matter how big the fella running at you is) you can play rugby.

over the next few years I began to rediscover who I was while playing this game. I love contact. I love to get hit and make some hits. I just love being active and competitive and along the way I was fortunate enough to have made some lifelong friends and to pretty much get in the best shape of my young life. I was single for the most part and having a blast getting my head stomped on. I made some plays, was a part of many road trips, won championships, drank a ton, broke my thumb, broke a tooth, disclocated my knee on seperate occasions, and I am pretty sure that I destroyed some ligaments in my right ankle, all without missing a single game and all the while having a blast.

well, a number years have passed and I have found myself at a crossroads. when I moved down here to virginia one of the first things that I did find local rugby squads to be a part of. only problem was that I didn't really get settled down here when I started and the past few rugbyless months have kind of shown me who I am now-a-days. Don't get me wrong, I'm still wicked awesome. Just now I am unsure what I want to do as I am now relationship toast. and this is in no way a bad thing, its great even. Rugby, you see, takes a great deal of time and time is a luxury when you are a 28 year old with a shitload to do. but when you have to devote two nights a week to practice, your entire saturday getting hit and then drinking, and follow that up with a sunday of recovery, there is not much left for you to get out there and really live. throw in the fact that the rugby season is: winter getting in shape and healing all wounds (I believe I have a small tear in my right knee and with the majority of the past few months spent resting and gaining weight I still don't think everything is gravy), spring season from march till may, a few weeks off, summer sevens, a few weeks off, pre-season workouts at the end of summer, and fall season lasting from labor day to mid november, what time is there to have for yourself?? I am constantly looking into things to do with kool-aid, you know, fun outdoorsy stuff and am doing a great job jotting some down and even joining a few. Camping, hiking, an ultimate frisbee league (which I've joined), softball, going to shows, traveling, mountain biking..how am I going to accomplish this with a frenzied rugby schedule??

Realistically I am just getting my thoughts out on paper...so to speak. Of course I am going to continue playing but who really knows for how long. I was serious about the tear in the knee thing. I mean, I do really think that there is something wrong there. But I have always had this vision of myself playing well into my forties and having my family at games watching dad get run over only to occasionally make a good play. Besides, I do really love to play. It just takes so much out of me and my body is already doing its best to fall apart. rugby is just so fuckin' great to be a part of though. "what are you doing this weekend?? Oh, playing rugby, thats bad ass." "why are you walking around like that?? got injured playing rugby the other day, jebus you're awesome!!" needless to say, I'll be back at it here in a few days as practices for the spring are already under way. I just think I need a bit longer to relax and get the head straight. I really do love playing the game, its just some of the things that go with it that make me second guess.

"oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god."

it's lookin' pretty good right??

Toastmaster General's "News of the Weird"

sorry, this was just something that I felt should be shared. upon entering the "georgetown" area of the district on my way to workies this morning I happened to hit one of the many red lights and boy did I stop accordingly. now, this may strike many of you "road travelers" as normal and believe you me this is no way out of the ordinary. but, what happens next will astound you.

like many others on the streets, when stopping at a red light I have a tendency to look around at the many other cars on the road and the individuals behind their respective wheels. as I looked over to the maroon toyota corolla that pulled up on my left I was left struck by what can properly be defined as AWE. a man in this mid forties complete with glasses and pony tail was driving a fuel efficient compact car. oh yeah...he was also playing the trumpet. WHAT?!?! this is a high traffic area, a morning commute; trumpet?!?!? he wasn't just throwing a few toots out there either, I mean he was going to town with that thing, mutha fuckin' Dizzy Gillespie style!!

I began to ponder as I sat there throughout the course of the red light, why this certain individual would be playing the trumpet behind the wheel of an automobile?? the only conclusion that I could reach that had nothing to do with him being absolutely insane or being late for marching band practice was that this feller was..in fact..perfecting his "hail to the redskins" performance. I mean, we are in DC. just have to say, do that at home post-work or on your lunch break buddy. you are probably receiving undeserved ridicule from assorted goofy irish bloggers. goofy irish bloggers that ROCK!

**toast starts singing the lyrics and guitar parts to "aenima" by tool**

"here comes yucky yucky, your special "get well" spoon; so swallow, swallow, swallow, and you'll feel better soon."

I'm not really sure what it is but whenever I am to experience the onset of even the least harmful of illnesses I turn into a quivering child. I am no longer a man, but a 8 year old boy who longs to be taken care of, especially with the assistance of a special friend. no matter what I do, whenever I begin to feel ill, all mantasticalness of the toast ceases to exist and what is left is the person who drove into work today, a shell of my normal, powerful and colorful self. all that I can think about is going home and lying down amidst a sea of blankets until whatever I have in me has run its course. but that's the thing, we're just talking about a little battle with the flu...if its that.

right about the time I was calling it quits last night I began to notice, however slight, an inkling of illness in the foreseeable future. I woke up this morning to whining flu pangs and sore throatiness that might cause a grade schooler to stay home but full grown thunder mcawesome who eats chumps for breakfast, this wouldn't keep him down. ahh...but you didn't know about my weakness did you, the common cold. it sends me whimpering off in search of blankeys and jammy jams. soups and oj. ladies and gentlemen, I have found my kryptonite. even though we caseys have a tremendous thresh-hold for pain and suffering, the slightest illness takes me down...takes me down to chinatown. currently I am still at my office trying my best but I don't see this lasting too much longer, at least not today. by the way, I am pretty sure that I took cold medicine meant for the pm; I haven't felt this drunk at work since that morning I had all of those beers on my drive in.

"Science and Industry! See big men sticking screwdrivers into things - turning them - AND ADJUSTING THEM!"

guess where I am and what I'm up to. go ahead, guess. I'll wait. well, with a little bit of techie work and a touch of luck, I am sitting here in full and relaxed comfort on the couch in me jammie jams typing away on the internet. that's right!!! someone just done installed a wireless router; JACKPOT!!! now, the internet browsing world is all mines. well....it wasn't really my doing....but it's installed nonetheless. WHOOP WHOOP!

"Jigsaw falling into place, There is nothing to explain."

well, all knew it had to be done but yesterday I went ahead and ordered tickets for radiohead as they're hitting us up here in Northern Virginia in about three months. only problem is that it wasn't as easy as originally anticipated. now, I have known about this show since they announced U.S. tour dates about a week or so ago. I happened to notice that they were playing an outdoor venue and with lawn seats most likely being the way of the toast here I really wasn't in that great of a rush to go online and start ordering away. besides, I had to go about checking to see if any of the toasted faithful would be interested in buying the ticket and taking the ride.

turns out I ended up making a tiny little mistake in my assumption. as I hit up ticketmaster's website to order away I ran into more than my fair share of problems. after giving it a few go's with no luck I decided to call up the nissan amphitheater's box office only to find out from the lovely rachel that the venue had indeed been sold out. the toast was not havin' this shit and shant not be letting an opportunity to see radiohead pass him by. especially in his own backyard.

**quick sidenote, radiohead is the fuckin' best live show I have ever attended, and this is coming from a pearl jam diehard who has also been to his fair share of drug enhanced phish and moe. shows, which are a hell of a time might I add. saw them in madison square garden a few years back, we're talkin' wicked awesome here.**

so what was the next turn?? where to go?? what to do?? back down?? give up?? hurl my laptop passing by co-workers?? fortunately, I did the next best thing. what is that you ask, a little thing I like to call.......third party vendors. jackpot!! needing three tickets, I began to use my head and looked sites like ebay and craigslist where I found a number of vendors, your "stubhub's" and "ticketturbo's" and after a wee bit o' searching found pack of four lawn seats at about 79 bones a piece. clocking in at just under twice the face of the $41 lawn seat it's a tad more than I wanted to spend but still beats what a few craigslisters were asking. one guy wanted $350 for a pair of tix, granted they were pavilion seats, but 350 dollars, you must be outta your goddamn mind!!!

after all was said and the $45 service fee was done, a four spot of lawn seats ran me about $375. wasn't terribly excited about the fact that I had to front some beefy cash for these seats but as my friend rose said, "I'll gladly take the hit in stride." basically, with opportunities to see one of my favorite bands already a rarity, the decision was a no brainer. needless to say, ever since tix were purchased yesterday I've been way too excited for a show that is still 79 days away. wait....that's how much I paid for seats. weird.

check this shit out!!


"jigsaw falling into place"


"bodysnatchers"


and one of my faves off in/rainbows "reckoner"

"it's pumpkinninny!!!"

I don't care who you are but posted above is classic entertainment at it's absolute finest. let's just say "you'll catch the limit!" that guy knows what I'm talkin' about.

/points over to good buddy kyle for approval (obligatory steal from ksk)

"I just flew in from Orlando and boy are my arms tired!!"

HA!!!

sorry for lack of awesome story telling and witty takes on various products, media, and sports entertainment over the past few but I just got back from spending a good amount of time in florida for work. that being said, more knee slappin', high five havin', and rib ticklin' toastedblog to come. come get a taste!!!

**potential topics in the nearest of futures**

-condiment of the week talk: I like it. anything that has to do with "sweet baby ray's" this guy will be all about.

-toastie's methods of seduction: any of you guys out there want to hear about how you can really pull in some high class tail?? learn from the toast, his hours of movie quotes, pass out drinking mentality, and high falootin' no nonsense attitude will assist you in landing your own "kool-aid". ask liz-a-hotty 5000, ladies don't stand a chance with these proven methods you'll get from the toast.

-radiohead in northern virginia??: oh mama!!!

-toastmaster general updates: laziness at an all time low, productivity growing in leaps and bounds, a back in constant pain...this is beginning to sound like the toast joined a gym.

- a classy "black tie" dress code + high levels of intoxication + a gussied up and hotter than normal kool-aid = oooh...rugby banquet!! wait..there's more...toast also has priviledge of gettin' "fancy drunk" at kool-aid's work party. niice!!!

- fantasy baseball fever...CATCH IT!!!: fantasy baseball just a few weeks away, we'll keep you up to date with a toast draft journal and a quick "who's who" for this year. all the milton bradley, so taguchi, corey hart, and kenji jhojima coverage one could ever want.

Sweet...

I'm a star wars nerd...what can I say. so, when a star wars nerd comes across something like this, he is going to act accordingly. unfortunately...there is nothing that can be done about these actions so don't even bother.

It's phi slamma jamma runnin' stank all over it with rib-ticklin' jumps of double vanilla funk!

woeber's sandwich pal horseradish sauce is fucking delicious!! I like to mix it with barbeque sauce and dip my dino nuggets in it. I'm pretty sure that if old wet newspapers were smothered in this stuff I'd find a way to take them down and ask for seconds. you could hand me a dead sea lion cub and I wouldn't think twice about eating it if I had me some sandwich pal. I'll dip fries in it, I'll slather it on french toast. put it in tuna fish, why the hell not?!?! I've dumped it on burritos, asparagus, leftover stroganoff, onion rings, broccoli, and pizza. not gonna lie to you internet audience but I would gladly shove your grandmother down a flight of stairs if I were to be offered a turkey on rye with sandwich pal.

It's "no meat" Wednesday!!!

damn you ash wednesday!!!

- for forcing me to eat a tuna sammich on rye when I have six pounds of perfectly good pulled pork sitting in delicious BAR-be-que sauce at home in the fridge.

- your annually making me choose something that I love to give up for the next forty days. (the toast is giving up being lazy so he can get his ass back into rugby shape!!) don't you know I've become accustomed to lyin' around on the couch with a bag of peanut m&m's??

- once again you've come'a'signalin' the start of meatless fridays till easters.

- caused me to think of ideas on what to eat on these afternoons and evenings without all that delicious meat that's usually on the menu. I get by because I do as little thinking as possible. you think I appreciate this?!?!

- with you're makin' me feel bad that I don't have charcoal on my forehead!

"Now if you excuse me, they're putting me into something called...hero squad"

Over 36 hours later and I am still shocked at what I witnessed while watching the super bowl on sunday night. did that really happen?? did someone give my 12 miller lites the classic "over-roofy"?? is this all a sick joke played by those dastardly media folk??? really, what's the deal?? I mean...the pats...they were supposed to win...right??? they were perfection. they were the greatest team ever. this was set to be a bit of a cakewalk for them. the spread was close to two touchdowns, they couldn't possibly lose...could they?? well, to steal a quote from a certain fan: "the giants just shoved 17 points up your mass-pike!!!"

well, my monday morning was spent driving to work feeling all tingly and full of goosebumps as espn radio repeatedly played clips of radio broadcaster's commentary of "the play" only to be followed by the absolute eruption from the crowd in the background. this literally sent shivers down my spine as I hurriedly sped down george washington parkway en route to my office in bethesda. what did I do when I got there??? well I instantly started checking out as many internet sites as possible for post-game coverage, clips, and shots of the giants and their celebration. now...what did I do when I got home??? well, that's easy, went ahead and watched all of the sports analysis shows that I taped during the day to get further coverage. seems only natural, doesn't it??

all in all, I think I have seen "the play" about 128 times and it only gets better with every viewing. eli slipping out of the grasp of the pats' three down linemen, taking a moment to steady himself before he hurls the ball 40 yards until it is met by a leaping former su standout in david tyree, who at this point had caught more balls in this very super bowl than he had snagged all year, and then maintains possesion as he falls backwards with pats safety rodney harrison draped all over him. whether or not it is the best play in super bowl history, who really cares?? it still was one of the more amazing plays I have ever seen, and this guy has seen his fair share, in a variety of sports.

but you can't really say enough about eli and his performance over the past few weeks. from going to a quarterback known as a possible bust as the no. 1 overall pick to taking down the "greatest team in nfl history" in only a few weeks is quite a leap. I don't care who you're a fan of, what he did on sunday during the fourth quarter was reminiscent of the days of joe montana. for his play over the past few and the way he went about getting the giants their third super bowl title eli will never have to pay for a meal in nyc for the rest of his life.

to end this we have a what was said by giants owner John K. Mara on the team's triumph:

“It's the greatest victory in the history of the franchise, without question. I just want to say to all you Giants fans who have supported us for more than 30 years at Giants Stadium, for all those years in Yankee Stadium, and some of you even back to the Polo Grounds, this is for you.”

this will keep the toast chipper for quite some time. 2007-08 ny giants, so glad that I bought the ticket and took the ride.

Not gonna talk about it.

here we are a mere two days away from the super bowl and the toast has yet to throw out some witty commentary on the big game. I mean, the giants are in it for chrissakes! with all that media crap that goes on before the game the endless talk and anaylsis that keeps getting brought up, magnified and picked apart incessently, I am just unable to comment. fact is, all of it drives me fuckin' insane!! that's why there shouldn't be two weeks in between championship week and the super bowl. take note nfl, it makes the toast angry, you want to be the ones responsible for that?? no, I didn't think so.

but your team is in the big game and you're not even going to discuss what the possible outcome could be?? what could happen on the biggest stage in all of sports??? do eli and the giants have a chance against the unbeatable pats?? my response...no comment. just want to see a good game. thats all the analysis that you're going to get from this guy. not going to discuss plaxico's guarantee and I am certainly not going to bring up brady's boot, or now lack there of. not going to write about the sheer fucked up craziness of a 12 point spread or the versatility of the pats offense. going five wide or lining up with two tight ends and playing smash mouth...who gives a shit?? randy moss and his restraining order, the giants with the flu, the new eli, bill simmons slurping the pats and their "dream season" (by the way, the internet audience here may be quite glad that I can't really get to espn.com while at work as I would be throwing a shit stormin' temper tantrum if I could read what I imagine is inthis), how necessary it is for the front four of the giants to get pressure on brady, welker and faulk and their abilities to do their job, the giants being a better team overall without shockey and tiki. nope, no more super bowl talk here.

well I guess I can say something. lady toast has given me the go ahead to make a heap o' eats and have the fridge fully stocked with some beers as we're going to be having a few guests for the game. so far, rumor has it that there is going to be a variety of dips and apps brought by a few people (reuben dip, mmmm.....) and the toast is throwing together some top notch pulled pork and some drunken spicy pull and eat shrimp. ohh...so tasty. my digestive system is so screwed.

that's it, GO GIANTS!!!

Gift fo' yo' kool-aid.

personally I see myself as lucky as I have found someone who will appreciate receiving something like what is pictured above.

just a few days away now. GO GIANTS!!!

"Harvey...tell them what they've won!"

saturday, kool-aid and the toast are scheduled to attend a birthday party at some bar for one of her friends down here in D.C. sounds great right??? now if this were going to be a party for your toastmaster general it would involve some hole in the wall bar to celebrate getting another year older by getting blinding drunk on cheap booze and eating way too many wingies. well...this is D.C. this isn't just a night in a bar with a few friends; this is going to have to be an event. so what does saturday night have in store for this guy?? ladies and gentlemen, may I present, an 80's sitcom themed birthday blowout for about 50 plus city folk. now, its not going to be a bad time and I'm not even coming close to suggesting that it won't be a scene the toast won't get down on. its just not my way of doing things and its fine. I believe in getting dressed up, just once a year....on halloween.

anywho, kool-aid and I painstakingly had to come up with an 80's sitcom and television themed costume that got the toast stamp of approval, meaning it had to be creative, clever, and hilarious. plus it had to be fit for a couple so your ideas of alex p. keaton or magnum p.i. wouldn't have been able to work too well. dangited right?? I mean, picture the toast with a hawaiian shirt, 80's short shorts, aviator shades, bushy moustache and a tigers hat. plus, as we said, we were thinking of clever here so you weren't going to see any zach and kelly, slater and jessie, sam and diane, type of nonsense here. not in the least.

so, where'd the ladytoast and the general end up?? well a quick purchase of some matching blue shirts and pants, the pending pickup of a few pairs of safety goggles, design and creation of some makeshift ring toss helmets, you've got yourselves a pair of double dare contestants. tell you the truth, all I'm looking forward to is a few physical challenges that night....OW!! well, I guess winning a minivan wouldn't hurt either.

Rent that shit!!!

We here at toastedblog have decided to come up with a new segment devoted to my love of all types of movies that's simply going to be titled "rent that shit". some may say: "hey toast, most folk out there already have a decent idea on what to check out so why would they really care what you have to say on the matter?? well, fuck 'em, thats why.

now, traditionally I have been labeled as one that generally enjoys the movies that I do watch and pretty much my reaction will be the same.

"toast, what did you think of "insert movie title here"??"

"I loved it, thought that it was great."

thats right, my movie critic skills can generally be summed up in those very words: "I loved it, thought that it was great." True, you may get a "hmm...thought that it was pretty good" or a "eh....that was decent" thrown in there to boot but most movies that I do decide to see will get the toast stamp of approval. why is that you ask?? maybe it's due to the fact that I am not a good judge of films. maybe it's because I know what I like and refuse to take too many chances on the very many shitty films that are out there. nonetheless, it is not very often that flicks that I catch will get hit with the never impressive "garbage" status. that'll hurt you everytime, no matter who or what you are.

so what gets two thumbs up from the toast this time 'round?? well, it's 3:10 to Yuma. it's a damn good flick. now, why don't you just go out there and rent that shit!!

Chigago Mutha-Fuckas!!

hey all, just flew back from a few days in chigago and boy are my arms tired. HA! not a lot of time here this afternoon as the lunch hour she is just about done so I'll make this short and sweet. here we have a quick overview of the haps on a random January visit to the magical midwest.

- friday: flight delayed, because of this the decision to hit up airport bar for a beer or two quickly turns into three beers and a nice plate of nachos loaded with jalapenos, refried beans, and cheese.

toastmaster general - 1, fellow plane passengers - 0.

- saturday: metra-train ride into the city where it is about 4 degrees outside. walking around downtown chigago may not have been the best decision. kool-aid and the toast hit up the field museum where I go nuts over dinosaurs and the ever impressive special exhibit on maps. dinosaur noises made profusely and many tales of last trip to the museum made with uncle jitter are told. the walk back to train station through the chigago waterfront turns out to be...cooold blooded!!

- sunday: shockey clad toast drives into rogers park to see good buddy danny and to watch the games. end up in some bar around the corner from danny's apartment. this is where we get really interesting. due to too many shots and way too many old styles, a giants victory is greeted with the toast yelling "mutha-fuckin' giants" in a place predominantly filled with aging and out of shape packer fans. the toast is treated with looks of disapproval and is later locked out of the bar. the evening concludes with myself falling asleep while a certain lady toast drives his drunk ass back to his mom's. around 3:30 am our hero suffers a reversal of fortunes. no longer does he retain that delicious deep dish pizza enjoyed only hours beforehand. I then proceed to almost knock myself out by crashing into a cabinet in my mother's bathroom. good times?? you betcha!!

- monday: the following.

random inquisitor: "hey toast, what did you and the lady do when you went to chigago??"

toastmaster general: "oh..good question. we went to the mall and target."

well I can tell you it was for good reason...kinda. went out to my grandmother's in schaumburg and not gonna lie to you but the toast was a little out of it. believe hungover is the correct term. after a while at my grandmother's, I just felt like I needed a bit of a jump start so went out to a local mall. sue me! wasn't all for not, the "rocker" in toast got himself a new flannel. bad ass!! later, we went out to dinner and family got to know lady toast a bit more, we later discover that kool-aid is the tops.

- tuesday: not too much going on today, except that I get to go to the best place in all the land, Portillo's, where I promptly engage in the "classic" over-eat by taking in two italian beef sandwiches. Portillo's merch is purchased. I say my goodbyes to ma dukes and lady toast as she is staying in chigago a few extra days to attend a work training seminar. my flight is once again delayed and once again fellow passengers are displeased as they now have to fly with a toast that is digesting two italian beef sandwiches loaded with hot peppers.

toastmaster general - 2, fellow plane passengers - 0.

all in all, a pretty decent trip.

Polish Sausage....Ditka....Bears

Well, in a little over five hours, lady toast and yours truly will be making our way to chigago for the weekend...american airlines style. when one thinks of nice january get-a-ways subzero temperatures in the windy city are often the first to come to mind. nonetheless kool-aid and her toastmaster general are off to the central time zone for what should be a nice visit to ma toast and some other members of the family. plus, I'll get to see this guy!!! alexandria, let me know if you want me to bring you back some deep dish pizza.

After all, I am a ticking time bomb of fury.

UNCONTROLLABLE RAGE!! Usually the toast can be seen as a person that is, quite possibly, the easiest to get along with on the entire eastern seaboard. Always upbeat, funny, hit with the ladies, quick with a joke, or to light up your smoke, a certain toastmaster general is an easy going fella. However, over time, buttons can continually get pushed and I can't take this shit anymore. What makes me angry of late......

Tom Brady, the best ever??: now this isn't really a slam on Brady but more the media slurping Brady and his accomplishments of this season. I am aware that brady had a ridiculous year numbers wise and the Pats went undefeated and everything but what sports media refuses to acknowledge are the changes in the rules over the past few years. are you even allowed to play defense anymore?? defensive backs are basically helpless in their ability to cover receivers in this league. I can't even give an estimate to the number of 5 yard illegal contact penalties that I have seen over the past few weeks, let alone the past few years. defensive backs don't have a shot in this league that allows big receivers such as randy moss, terrell owens (don't even get me started on him, you'll see more later), and to show that I am not completely biased plaxico burress are allowed to hand check, clutch, hold, make all sorts of contact to get open. with this kind of advantage the toast can go out there and toss a few touchdowns, let alone people whose job that is. Guys like Marino, Elway, and Montana didn't have that luxury.

People not using their turn signals: upon my move to the metro D.C. area I really noticed the blatant disregard these people have down here for other drivers. I'm not talking about not using signals when you're cruising down the street and looking to change lanes, I can see that from time to time. what I'm referring to is a full fledged turn here. Traffic lanes, residential neighborhoods, few things get my dander up like these pieces of shit and the majority of this stems from the fact that these people just think that they are better or more important than you. these middle aged pricks wearing fat-ass docker pants sitting in audi's and their SUV driving wives just don't take the time out of what they are doing to be considerate to other people on the road and it just sends me into a rage induced frenzy.

jessica simpson: you have no talent, you can't sing and you definitely cannot act and yet you keep popping up all over the place. whether this is your doing our your creepy glory obsessed father/manager but there is always some ploy to get you in the center of attention and I can't take it anymore. either it's: you're a virgin and waiting for marriage, you're a dumbass who doesn't understand the concept of tunafish, need a divorce from your husband 'cause he's not famous enough, the critics aren't fans of your shitty music/movie (insert title here) so lets find a new way to get attention, I'll date a quarterback and get the sports media talking about me too. I can't stand hearing about you anymore and the Toast is gettin' very upset!!!

terrell owens: I really find it hard to believe that you are actually upset about this whole romo vacation thing. you have thrown everyone you have ever played with under the bus, are a horrible human being and role model, and are another player in this current nfl taking advantage of rules made to make the game more offensively exciting. I'd like to see you trying to run over the middle against the steel curtain of the 70's or when ronnie lott or steve atwater were running wild in the 80's.

reality tv: this subject won't even be discussed for fear that I may hurl my work laptop into a wall.

the writer's strike: I'm not even too sure why you guys are actually striking. I can count the number of worthwhile shows over the past few years on my left hand and shows that were actually great have been cancelled due to the previous thing that makes me angry, reality tv. go back to work so I can watch the office.

pennsylvania: I hate you. I hate your highways and interstates. I hate how you always "claim" to be under construction and yet I see no improvements nor do I see actual work being done. I hate how you always add an extra two to three hours on any trip I try to make through you. your lone redeeming quality is the philly cheese steak. please find a way to blow up some how.

Glad you finally decided to drink the kool-aid.

Dear Eli,

I not entirely sure when the idea of successfully playing the quarterback position in the NFL came to you but this kid is certainly glad it has. For some reason your ability to fully process what is going on out there has finally clicked and the toast no longer has to be the one that is driving fast and taking chances in supporting you. You have no idea how extremely happy I have been ever since you led the giants to victory over the much despised cowboys. please note that from here on out the toast is struttin' around the office with an lil' extra hop in his step and twinkle in his eye due to your play the past few weeks.

now, I'm not going to get ahead of myself and dub you the next big thing that has hit the position but the fact that you are showing some consistency and successfully managing this balanced offensive attack is makin' me all sorts of giddy. please do your best to keep it up and remember that your play of late is doing wonders in making believers out of giants fans all over. now go get 'em out there in wisconsin!!!

sincerely,

toastmaster general

**DICTATED NOT READ**

The best I've ever had....

I am sitting here in my office with a fresh cup of afternoon coffee going through the typical friday work motions when in walks a co-worker with a small box of what appear to be some sort of treats. next think I know I am absolutely floored by this chocolate chocolate chip cookie from a bakery near my office building. monarchs don't eat this well.

"LIVE IT..LIVE IT!"

This post is pretty much just shit that I'm rockin' of late. Enjoy.


the clash - "janie jones" the clash
over the past few years I have gone from finding the clash iffy musically to having them in my top five. When you have a free two and a half minutes, give this beat a listen.

pearl jam - "can't keep" live at benaroya hall
this tune popped on my ipod while I was driving home from work the other day. I really found myself digging this unplugged version of the first beat off of "riot act". special bonus, there's a mandolin. YAHTZEE!!

dvda - "now you're a man" orgazmo sdtrk
"what makes a man, is it the power in his hands or is it his quest for glory?"

soulive - "tabasco" turn it out
solid soulive beat. good for lying around to, maybe while under some influence of sorts. they were down here in DC/Northern VA not too long ago but unfortunately the opportunity to see them sailed me by. hopefully my living in a large metropolitan area will aid in them gracing the toast's prescence in the near future.

otis redding - "take me to the river"
for some reason I always associate this tune with the talking heads; who of course did a cover on some album. I think if I were a stripper this would be the song I'd seduce strangers for singles with.

band of horses - "the general specific" cease to begin
I really like this album and this past year band of horses and this record got a lot of hype from the critics. this song helps that hype seem like it was deserved. my take on "cease to begin", eh...it was pretty good. wouldn't kick it out of my bed.

pink floyd - "coming back to life" the division bell
I know what you're saying, "but its the division bell." I still think the beat is solid. Nice little Gilmour solo thrown in there for good measure. He could tear it up when he wanted to.

foo fighters - "let it die" echoes, silence, patience, and grace
I've said it before and will continue to do so for some time. Dave Grohl can sing pretty and yell like a badass whenever necessary. come get a taste.

the verve - "this time" urban hymns
I don't know why I don't listen to this album more, or why it never really got any pub. back in the day. I threw it on while putting up a few shelves around the apartment the other night, it really is a great listen.

moe. - "wind it up" the conch
I had this beat in my head for a week or so before I went home or a few days over christmas. my friday night out with some of the boys back home (who also happen to be moe. fans) featured beerpong and couple pulls of what-have-you before we hit up the bar a good walk down the street. what did I want to hear to go go with the what-have-you's?? wind it up indeed.

spoon - "rhthm and soul" ga ga ga ga ga
rhythm without the "y", that's crazy....crazy good.

the white stripes - "I'm bound to pack it up" de stijl
the more I listen to "de stijl" the more I like it in a favorite white stripes album rock off. this beat, a little more mellow, still worthy to throw on and give a listen.

beastie boys - "alright hear this" ill communication
anyone who knows the toast has a pretty good idea about my love for the beasties. however, every once in a while I seem to find another beat off of one of their albums that just happens to strike a cord and causes me to want to listen to it for the next few months. "alright hear this" is that current beasties jam.

radiohead - "polyethylene" airbag/how am I driving
this happened to slip on during a drive to work when I couldn't take listening to redskins monday morning on espn radio (every monday, they block out mike and mike to talk 'skins...stupid washington). its off some 5 song single that came out the same time as "OK Computer" and this is a damn fine tune.

the slip - "airplane/primitive" eisenhower
this was probably one of my top ten albums of '06. this beat being my favorite from "Eisenhower". bands from boston usually equal good times.

run DMC - "beats to the rhyme" tougher than leather
what??? they o.g. son!!! you sucker m.c's.

tenacious d - "tribute" tenacious d
recently was found viewing the Pick of Destiny on HBO. for quite some time the D have ruled the Toast with their rock.

dave matthews band - "hunger for the great light" weekend at the rocks
back in my high school and early college days the toast was a bit of a dave fan. then came the summer before my senior year when I paid 50 bucks for a lawn seat for a show in Saratoga NY only to be surrounded by a bunch of douches. Needless to say that I stopped really paying attention to this bands music. Oddly enough Pa Cregg is a fan (due to my younger brother) and he offered me a ticket to a concert the summer of '06 when his special lady couldn't make it. I saw it as an opportunity to see a free show and spend some QT with Pops. Needless to say I kinda got down (beers and other stuff) and before I knew it I borrowed some 6 disc show from my dad.

the roots - "rolling with the heat" phrenology
one of the biggest regrets I had about missing this past year's moe.down was that I gave up a chance to see the roots in an alcohol induced drug friendly environment. that experience must have been off the hook.

lcd soundsystem - "get innocuous!" sound of silver
this was another album that came out last year with much pub. from the critics. its kinda dancey and hip, tell you the truth, I like it

phish - "chalk dust torture" MSG New Year's '95
nothing really special in terms of reason why I'm rockin' this beat, just know that it equals good times.

radiohead - "jigsaw falling into place" in_rainbows
toast quickly found this beat to be one of his favorites on this new radiohead album. I just really dig their music and with "In_Rainbows", radiohead once again did not disappoint

the beta band - "assessment" heroes to zeros
I've been rocking their albums at work for the past few weeks and have been a fan of the betas for a bit now. unfortunately three is all that you'll find as these scots are now defunct. look 'em up though toastedblog fans, if they get a two thumbs up from this guy, who knows how much you'll love 'em.

david lee roth - "just a gigolo"
"bowsie bowsie bop, zitty bop. Iiiiiiiii ain't got no-body"

outkast - "behold a lady" the love below
I like songs with hand claps, I don't care what you think.

muse - "shrinking universe" new born
this song is off of some muse B-side album and due to it being on a preview for the movie "28 weeks later", everytime I go to rent a movie and pass the dvd box in new releases causes this song to pop back in the old noggin. it doesn't help that this dude can scream awesome as well. listen for the wailin' at the end. woah...

pearl jam - "inside job" pearl jam
"inside job" was one of my favorite songs off of this most recent pearl jam album. I don't know what it is about songs that start off slow and then creep and build into full blown awesomeness around the 5 minute mark but they really rev my engine.

beck - "strange apparition" the information
you know when songs just kinda find themselves on mixes, this is one of them. I haven't listened enough of this album to be all "the information is like wicked awesome", nonetheless, this tune makes me want to check out more.


toast OUT!!

Don't let your babies grow up to be Cowboys.

I hate 'Merica's team and everything they stand for and the fact that the Giants have to head to Dallas this weekend has given me both a hop in my step and a case of the mud butt. Part of me wants the Giants to go into Dallas and beat Homo-Romo and the rest of his motley crew on their own backyard but I can't help to feel a wee bit nervous about this game on Sunday. Basically I am not too sure how well I will be able to handle a loss to the much hated Cowboys. Realistically having Eli get playoff win number one and getting to see the Giants one more time this year should be enough to make the Toast feel all warm and fuzzy.

Now, I shouldn't be focusing on who the Giants are playing and just be glad that they are still playing. But to have to see them lose to the Cowboys; not gonna lie but that may get the Toast classic "I'm getting upset" soundbyte, and no one wants that, not at all. I don't want to be walking around having to listen to douchebags in T.O. jerseys talking about how Romo is the next "insert great quarterbackman here" nor do I need to keep seeing, reading, and hearing about the him and Simpson as well. Dammit, I've made myself all sorts of angry and now I'll have to sit through the rest of the day with UNCONTROLLABLE RAGE. I need some top shelf hooch STAT!

Pay attention Philadelphia..

If you see this rather LARGE American, who did in fact "get dangited" by Ma Jitters prior to college, walking around over the next few days; go ahead and ask him what version of windows he is using. It most certainly is not windows vista.

Also, ask him what he is doing for the games this weekend as his good pal Toastmaster General might be looking to get down on Saturday night.

I just can't get it up anymore.

I don't know what it is but college football just doesn't excite me like it used to. Don't get me wrong, I looove football, it really revs my engine, but over the past few years college ball has sorta fallen out of favor with yours truly. I mean, this was a sport that I once argued with a certain Mr. Bohall that the NFL should try to be more like...at least having one knee equaling the player being down.

Mind you, my recent view of college football stems largely from the fact that rugby season happens to coincide with college football season and partly that my team (Notre Dame) isn't performing up to snuff. I guess I am kinda giving the rest of the Division I College Football teams a "fuck 'em, they ain't my squad", which is not the way to take it. Now, instead of spending my Saturday mornings waking up in a drunken stupor at 10am to catch College Gameday followed by a quick few hits of the good stuff with Danny so one can fully enjoy Bob Davie as he rambles through the 12 o'clock game on ESPN I find myself leaving the house by 9am so I can get ready to wear shorts and feel like I fell down a flight of stairs for the next few days. No longer do I sit in my sweatpants until 5 in the afternoon surrounded by college football bliss. For chrissakes, I was up for the Heisman as the highly touted longsnapper known simply as "Nuttrocker"!! Would Danny or Uncle Jitter, or Willie Moe when he had a Saturday off be proud of the Toast who willingly throws his college football viewing opportunities out the window for a lil' competish and excercise of all things?? I think not.

What I am trying to get across is the fact that College Football just isn't really doing it for me anymore, and its a shame as I can really enjoy it. Have I been away from it for too long?? When rugby season ends in the beginning of November the College Football season is drawing to a close, just when I have the chance to pay attention again and by then I am lost and feel out of place during those Championship week games. I hadn't had the opportunity to look into these teams all year!!! How can I pick up on months worth of games, controversy, storylines, and great plays in only a pre-game or two?? I still enjoy watching what games I can. Just over the holidays I took in a few games with Liz's brother (who's a huge Virginia Tech fan) and found myself picking up what those kids were puttin' down, having a good time, what-not. It's just when bowl season arrives, I just can't get into it. Other than checking in on a few or catching a drive or two I didn't watch a single bowl game this year for the first time....ever. Blame rugby for taking up time, blame my girlfriend who I like to go do things with on the weekends, blame Notre Dame being crappy, blame my leaving far away from my football watching pals, I just guess I shouldn't really blame college football for not catching my attention. Blame Toastie for not making much of an effort?? Possibly. For the time being I will once again not worry about my saturdays and missing college football. Next season, I guess I will see if I can make some changes and try to get back to something that I was a huge fan of.

"The phony pope can be identified by his high top sneakers and his incredibly foul mouth."

20-27, 185 yds, 74.1%, 6.9 yds/att., 2 tds

Eli?? Was that you?? Where did this come from??? You played.....well. Surprisingly well. I mean, you looked composed out there. You never stood there with you hands on your hips or looked like a dissappointed teenager after a play was ran. You never even pulled an Eli. There was no point in yesterday's game when you ran around the pocket alone and frightened with your arms flailing about. You displayed patience in the pocket...what's that about?? You looked like a real quarterbackman out there and to be honest....I liked it.

I know that right now you may be on a gravy train with biscuit wheels but lets reset and refocus here and just see if we can replicate this last performance shall we. Romo, T.O., and the rest of "America's Team" need to be brought back to reality for a little bit. Personally, I don't think I can stand anymore 'Tonica talk.

Look who's another year older!!!

Thats right, its this kid. My fondest memory of this kid has to be in a Cambridge hotel room the following morning after a Cracker show in Boston at the Paradise. Most of you boys should know, you were there. Basketball at Tucker's with a good night of drinking in tow, Toastie and Willie Moe getting kicked out of that bar where we discovered Schaefer's ("the only beer you want when you know you want more than one"), leaning on cops while awaiting bar entry, all culminating to a glorious viewing of Sweet November that next morning and my near death at the vicious hands of shower water consumption.

"They think they're so high and mighty, just because they never got caught driving without pants"

Word on the street is that not too many folks think the odds of Eli Manning leading the Giants to victory this weekend are not all that high. True, the Bucs do have one of the leagues best pass defenses during the regular season but I actually believe that this game will be Eli's chance to prove some of his ney-sayers wrong. If the Giants are able to establish the run with Brandon Jacobs against the front 8 of the Bucs, I feel that Eli could be quite successful with the play action and will be able to move the ball against this aging but talented defense. What doesn't bode well is that the weather is supposed to be a wee' bit crappy and for some reason bad weather and Eli don't mix which is kinda beyond me. I mean, he's spent numerous years in both Mississippi and New Jersey, you think he'd have learned by now.

Realistically Eli doesn't have to win this game for the Giants, he just can't lose it for them and I think coming off the game against the Pats, what he's hopefully learned over his last two playoff starts, and hopefully riding the success of Jacobs' power running Eli will end up looking like the quarterback that us Giants fans were hoping for. Just don't prove me wrong on this one Eli. Not to add to the pressure but I've got a lot invested this time 'round. C'mon and show me sumpin'!!

new news better than no news??

what does that mean?? who is this?? where am I?? well fellow internet folks, toastedblog refuses to officially call it quits and hopefully this "trend" of "writing" continues well into this new year.

do I have anything really big to say?? not really. actually just a little bit bored here in my office and as I no longer have fantasy football to keep me occupied I guess I had to come up with something to do. I mean, who does work...honestly?? so I was inspired by a certain blog to kinda dust off the good ol' toastedblog and just spit out a few things mainly to let the lovely internet audience know that everyone's favorite toastmaster general has returned and just looking to keep others in the loop of his general debauchery and random goings on. just remember to check in on your old boy toast and I will continue to try to keep this trainwreck a-rollin'. till then, I'm out.

toastie.

"Kickstart My Heart"

Callin' out all riverboat gamblers!!! Who had June 26th as the date for toastedblog's triumphant return, arising from the ashes like the mighty phoenix...or some other town in Arizona. HA! Hilarious, it never gets old. So, where was I?? Hmmmm......where the hell has toastedblog been all this time?? Well internet audience, excellent query. To be truthful the only reason that I can truly cite thats worthy enough to warrant such a long internet publishing layoff is, and will always be, diarrhea. Yep, thats it. I had a raging case of mud butt. For close to eleven months. It was awful. Not good times for all involved.

Now, with that fine excuse being thrown out there, I can now look to trying to jump start this blog for all those that may be interested. About two weeks ago I found myself out in the Electric City visiting amongst a few of the boys for ECP's bachelor party. Amongst all the general debauchery and my near death the day following said party it was brought to my attention that this blog my actually be missed. Questions asking the whereabouts of toastedblog raged throughout the weekend, or throughout that pre-burrito bar trip to insert brewpub name here. I can't recall the name of the establishment, but it existed and the turkey burgers were the tops!! This guy knows. Ahh...nothing beats the half pounder before the main course, pulled pork burrito from Bombers.

But now I digress. Any who, whilst I sit eating lemon wedges from complementary waters hilarious blogs and their posts come up as the topic of conversation and this is where we find our friends inquiring about their beloved toastedblog. When will it return?? What's the deal?? Who do you think you are?? You think you're better than me?? Do you think they'll include a side of BBQ sauce with the burger?? Where do you get off Toast?? All viable questions. My aforementioned excuse hopefully will suffice. But don't you worry kids, toastedblog is back!! Now, to finish this re-re-introduction to toastedblog, we'll just drop a couple words on you to get you up to speed where we've been this whole time, how I've changed per-say. Old and busted, say hello to the new hotness. Enjoy it, despise it, use it to line the dog's cage, read it while saying grace right before dinner; just do with it what you will. All I'ms told is that we're back and hittin' the links. Yeah!!

New Hotness for the Toast!!
-the baconator at wendy's
-eagles of death metal, whether its "peace, love, death metal" or "death by sexy" its all good
-country mike
-kool-aid!!! or lizahotty 5000, a sophisticated lady robot from the future. or you can call her liz, she's my special lady friend.
-onion ring, our chubby made up dog who eats chili and has hind legs that move faster than the front often causing him to run sideways and uncontrollably. liz has often referenced him with a cape.
-eddie barkey von schnauzer, our soon to be real life dog. yeah, he's already got a name
-rugby sevens and the captain toast. his team name, the branch davidians (rugby nickname still david koresch, even with no beard.
-the movie hot fuzz, I think that it may be no longer in theaters but maaahhrrk my words, watch it.
-washington d.c., there'll be more to come
-dino nuggets
- leonardo dicaprio, I don't care what you think, I like him.
-the glasgow diamonds
-bbq rib eating competitions
-the toast in a golf league, yeah!
-spanish pantelones and their terrible fantasy baseball stats
-meeting trot nixon's cousin at an Oriole's v. Indians game in Baltimore
-having trot nixon's cousin pseudo hit on liz as I went to go to the bathroom at said game
-many upon many trips to bawlmore without crabs, but all worth while
-blue crab party with buttcheeks, aka army matt. old bay..ooh mama. talkin' 3 doz kid!! what!
-new queens of the stone age, sick!!! and lets not forget about that new beasties' instrumental album, jazz and funk, with their powers combined..

oh, and so much more. y'all will hear about the plethora of misadventures in due time. for now, its just good to be back. on that note, toast OUT!!!

"It doesn't unbang your Mom."

If you haven't already it is necessary that you start watching "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia". It's hil-larious!! Seriously though, I 've been checking it out for a while now and it has yet to disappoint. With television continuing to go the reality route and doing away with great shows like Arrested Development, having a show like Sunny makes the Toast feel all right.


"Let me take you bitches to school for a minute."

Wish I had more to say right now but that's about it. Just been out there livin' the dream and have to go spend a few hours working on my golf game. It's too nice outside not to. On a quick sidenote though it was great to see Jables, Jitter, Bung, and Willie Moe the other night albeit was brief and hazardly drunk. The classic broken chair toss outside Clark's was great. No Billyball but hopefully that time will come soon. Sorry I've been tucked away for so long boys. I assure you that it won't happen again!! Now if I could only get to Schenectady....

"I'll regroup at Red Lobster"

It is in every Irishman's best interests to not fall asleep outside while laying out in the sun. Only a few results from this are possible and one of them is definitely not hilarity ensues. Unless you are one of the many that run into the severely sunburned. Yes, that's right folks, I have achieved a crispy outside...the ultimate sunburn.

I had gone golfing yesterday with Pa Cregg and had a few hours to kill yesterday before rugby 7's so it was decided that base camp was to be set up outside to see what sort of color this freckled skin could get. Clearly I had made the wrong choice as my 18 hole morning had tired me out a little more than anticipated and before the Toast could get more that ten pages into "The Great Shark Hunt", by Hunter S. Thompson, I was out cold. Not even the mix of random Clash, Pearl Jam, Tool, the Who, Chili Peppers, etc. blaring next to me could awaken me from my slumber.

Now, I had been out and about at random barbeques and trips to the lake that resulted in some sun hitting this Irish chest so there was some base of a tan to work with. It was because of this that I decided that sunscreen would be of no use to me. This would prove to be strike number two. As I laid passed out on my chair for close to three hours I'm not quite sure what neighbors thought. "What is this idiot doing" comes to mind but nonetheless I would receive no aid. Then, as quick as it happened in the first place, I woke up.

Still groggy I wandered around my house to get my bearings straight when I noticed that it was close to 5:30 and I had to head over to SU to meet up with my team for our second week of rugby 7's. Rugby is traditionally played with 15's, rugby 7's is just an off shoot version played with just seven, and boy, does it require a good amount of some running. The consequences of my afternoon nap hadn't really come full circle until I jumped into my jeep and put on my seatbelt. "Wow" I thought. That hurt a bit more than normal. It is now that I begin to notice that something is up. I later become fully aware of my situation during our first 7's game as I am tackled and a hand scrapes across my chest and stomach. Later, as part of my jersey rips from another tackle, I only see a red, almost purple Toast tummy exposed. Dangited! I still have a good two hours of this left. Every hit, every slide on the ground, every time I ran through arm tackles, every time I didn't, all of these equal near excrutiating pain. What's almost even worse than all of this, I still have a shower to look forward to.

All in all, this week was much better than the first week of 7's. No matter how much I ran during the two months plus off from rugby I still have yet to get my legs under me. I guess jogging a few miles every other day is not the same as running at near full speed for 20 minutes at a time. Oh well, it can only go up from here. I just have to make sure I start my next book indoors.

Truth be told, he's just happy to be "Stuck with You"

Guess who's turning 56 today? If you want I can give you a little hint? You need some help here Toasted faithful, and I use faithful loosely as I am certain not many pay attention to this blog anymore. Hell, I don't even check in it every once in a while, and to think that I just completed my reformat and retool post...one....month.........ago. Let us see if this helps your cause.

Well, he's been "Back to the Future", let's ladies take advantage of him, and desires drugs that "don't cost too much". Not only that, but our birthday boy is always "Doing it all for his Baby", often has his songs drunkenly requested by a certain goofy Irishman, and he definitely knows that "It's Hip to be Square"! Ladies and gentleman, let us all raise our glass in honor, for a man we all know and love (some of us like a relative). May I present, Uncle Huey Lewis!!


Uncle Huey's got it all, especially "hot lovin' every night"

Happy Birthday Uncle Hugh. He certainly is a great man. Looks fantastic too.

Time to reformat and retool.

Man, after such a layoff I really have no idea where to begin. This is just the Toast dropping by here to find some way of cleaning up this blog which has come to resemble nine miles of bad road....especially when you put it in comparison with blogs belonging to "the boys". Ah, those are conducted the way a decent blog is supposed to; chock full o' hilarious pictures and witty 80's baseball references. And what are the readers gonna get here???

http://www.poetv.com/video.php?vid=72

Yup....you guessed it. Cheap laughs and nonsensical information. But, we have to start somewhere and before we get the dynamite drop-in of this being almost the second full year of Toastedblog action this kid is going to take you in a completely different direction; SPORTS HIGHLIGHTS!!!

A night of dang its here in Central NY as the Sabres dropped game 7 to Carolina 3-2. Trust me, I have nothing against the former Whale especially seeing as how a certain Uncle was drafted by the organization only to be seen spending his time in Edmonton currently, or is it Drexel?? I get confused. But I think the "storied" Carolina Hurricane franchise doesn't really need another shot at the Cup. Not just yet, especially after the sight of all the Redneck Hockey signs in the Carolina crowd. I'm just glad I didn't have to deal with any of that "Honky-Tonk Badonkadonk" nonsense. "Ooh weee!!"

Even though I am a Bruins fan, I found myself completely involved in every Sabre playoff game this year. True, they did have Danny Glover out there killing off penalties (take a close look at any shot of a bearded Mike Grier) and the lead singer of Willie Moe's favorite band between the pipes. But all Ryan Miller's aside, I was really getting into watching this squad play hockey. Fast paced, hard hitting, high octane hockey, that's all it was all throughout the playoffs. I just wished it could have gone on a bit longer. I'm not switching allegiences or anything even though the Bruins have done nothing the past few years to allow them the benefit of ertaining this Toasted supporter, but the Sabres and their style of play sure made for some entertaining hockey.

So there you have it; Toastedblog she's a back. I just hope some people still decide to drop by and give it a read 'cause it sure has been a while. Steady as she goes. Toast OUT!!

A New Dirt Dog

See, Wily Mo Pena gets it!!
Just a few months from signing former Buffalo Bison great CoCo Crisp, the Sox did it again yesterday when they traded hard rockin' pitcher Bronson Arroyo to the Reds for outfielder Wily Mo Pena. Nice collection of weirdos and dudes we got in the outfield huh?? Personal Toast favorite Trot Nixon, nutball Manny "Trade Me" Rameirez, a breakfast cereal, and good buddy Willie Moe. I like!! A nice addition overall I think. If you look at it; the Sox pretty much had seven starters going into this year so losing Arroyo isn't that big of a deal seeing as he was most likely sitting in the pen when the season got underway and to get a backup outfielder with a lotta pop like Pena certainly is choice. Kinda curious to see how this pans out.

"YAY!" Day for a May Day

Over the past few weeks I have begun to pay a bit more attention to the goings on in the music world to gain a little insight on some highly awaited albums. Now years of agony are being set afire on what is to be the greatest day to hit the Toast since this coming Friday. New albums from Pearl Jam and Tool out on May 2nd!! JACKPOT!!


Oooh....and Tool too!

Now, not much has really been mentioned about the Tool release other than its title, which is "10,000 Years", and the track listing. Meanwhile, PJ's site has a link to the single "World Wide Suicide" and the Toast gave it the one over. Not too shabby; reminds me a bit of The Who which I guess they can have a tendancy to do but let's not get sidetracked. To top it all off, Pearl Jam is also going to be running around this neck of the woods during the first leg of their tour this summer as stop # 3 is Albany, NY on Friday, May 12th. "Little Crapper" Chuck and myself are currently in the works of planning a mode for attack. Any takers??

In other news I'm finding it difficult going up and down stairs with much stability as spring rugby practices have hit full swing. I tell myself that I am in decent running shape all throughout the off-season until that first day after that initial practice when my legs feel like they've had a louisville slugger taken to them. If only the internet audience could see me trying to get up and walk after sitting down for about ten minutes. Tremendous dang it I assure you. Damn you hill running!! Now, if you'll excuse me, its time for me to struggle out of this chair. Toast OUT!!!

**Wait, before I go I just wanted to mention something; do yourself a favor and find a way to listen to "White Lines", by Grandmaster Flash. It just popped on iTunes whilst spell checking here. Two very enthusiastic thumbs up; extremely happy!!