Everything's just Mashed Potatoes and Gravy Marie.

Mashed potatoes and gravy. That's how this past Christmas went, just mashed potatoes and gravy; that is, other than the classic Christmas over-spend. Oh well, tis the season to be merry. "Well that's my name!" "No shit." Sorry, got all Chevy Chase there for a moment. This blog is starting off great, not only have I mentioned potatoes like crazy, I am also writing as if I have never communicated with a mass internet audience before; and we all know that's not true. Hell, these past few months I've come to see some of the finest Toastedblogs known to man. We all remember the one where I blasted Chumps! How about this classic, even ripping off the title from a line in Star Wars, and without his advice, would the Pacers be 2-1 in our last three games. More on this in a moment.

So, where was I?? Oh yeah!! Christmas. Well, everything certainly went well. As previously mentioned, I spent a bit of money and I find myself forced to live on $80 till next Friday. Yep, its going to be tight, especially with New Years coming up. Looks like I'm going to have to do a bit of pregaming before I go out that night. Or, just line my pockets with cans of Blatz. Anywho, so Christmas. It was nice to see Cory, his girlfriend Josalyn, my sister Katie, and her beloved chocolate lab Camy as they all came from Michigan for the holiday. I took full advantage of my having Friday off and completed my Christmas shopping, only stopping to have dinner with my father at the Spaghetti Warehouse while awaiting Cregg family arrival on Christmas Day due to having to work on Christmas Eve like a bunch of suckers. For those of you keeping score at home I had the chicken marsala, with merlot. That's wine!! I'm 5'11"!! Hee hee hee.

Moving on, Saturday was spent at home as Extended Cregg Family Christmas was held on Sunday. I did pretty well gift wise with my father, brother, and sister knowing what Toasts like. I got a few gift cards for the most fanciest of clothing retailers, Ren and Stimpy box set DVD, the extended version of Return of the King (which I cannot wait to watch), a sweater, a few dress shirts for the 9-5 businessman Toast and a hooded sweatshirt from the bar that my brother tends out in Michigan. Saturday was also the time to eat the first of what would be two consecutive turkey dinners which promptly knocked me out. Eating normal meals, no thank you; more wine and heavy gravy, Yes Please!! Afterwards I meet Mags for a few beers at the Blarney and the patented gift exchange. Hey, how bout that, I got America the Book, Singing for Dummies (the Toast cannot sing so well, you all know this), and an Atari Joystick that I plug into the T.V. to play a numbered selection of games, ranging from Pong to Asteroids all the way to Breakout and Centipede . Yay!!!! Quick side note, it took me over an hour to find my phillips head screwdriver just so I could play it. Tremendous dang it right there. Somehow, Toastedblog audience is not surprised by this. Damn you Phillips head!!! Sunday finds the Toast driving to Uncle Martin's house in Skaneateles for dinner and family time. Uncle Marty is very well to do, President of Chase Design and of the Skaneateles Polo Club, and dinner was held at his newly constructed superhome so it made for interesting conversation betwixt family members. I just sat with my Grandfather, Uncle Bob, Uncle Joe, and cousin Kerry and watched the Giants blow a fourth quarter lead to the Bengals. I conveniently stationed myself near the cheese and cracker tray and the shrimp cocktail. Good times, good times. Plus I had beer!!!

Now, for what really got my motor running over the weekend. Sunday night brought out the boys for an evening at the Change of Pace, complete with door prizes (I got an Old Style Coat with the name "Margie" inscribed on the chest that is a few sizes too small so it makes for the highest in high comedy), classic over-door prize with wings from Duffs, three point stances, bartenders getting angry at the Toast for trying to take Jitter out (just like I would have if Chumps were there and we did Oklahoma drills), fine holiday spirit, Jagermeister, surprise visit from MacGuyver Chuck and Leslie, bonus surprise visit from Chester and Jaime, super bonus surprise visit from Team Bo Hall Jaime, and everyone's favorite, Drunken Toastie. Needless to say it was a Festivus Miracle that got Uncle Jitter, Javen, and TT in town for the evening, but it was great to spend the holidays with some really great people, hang out and have a few beers, even if it was for just a little while. I hope you all liked your door prizes. Danny, we'll get you and Phelps soon. Especially Chumps!!

We interrupt this Toastedblog entry to bring you some late breaking footage. Syracuse University Head Football Coach Paul Pasqualoni has just been let go. Finally after over a decade of slowly, then rapidly driving the football program into the ground, something has been done. However, it will be difficult to replicate the success they had with such stars as Troy Nunes, R.J. Anderson, and Madei Williams (please note sarcasm, the statement depends on it). Oh....Toastie gettin' very upset.

Finally, here's some news that you've been waiting all day for. The Change O' Pacers are on a roll of late playing awfully well. We defeated a bunch of no talent hacks from the bar Chadwicks; a Steelers and Yankees bar here in Syracuse. Throw in the Bulls and you can't get any more bandwagon than that. Chadwicks is a team full of pricks and wigger punks who think they're shit don't stink and try to be flashy. Instead, they are just a few chubby assholes, one nice tall dude, and some shaved head piece of shit with a chinstrap beard that has tried messin' with the Toast on two separate occasions, only to get his comeuppance. What you trying to do esse', don't you know I'm loco!?!? Last time we played, Toolbox here stopped right in front of me at the foul line as I was running full speed just to block me from pursuing his teammate thus allowing him to dunk on an undefended net as time expired. This was while they were winning by 25 or so. Last night Toolbox tried something cheap again and the Toast, remembering who he was, wasn't going to let it slide. While trying to gain position on me for a rebound he tried to hook one of his arms under mine while getting low and trying to drive me away from the basket as he pushed up into me, almost like jumping out of a squat thrust right into my torso. Well, I know my limits when it comes to taking cheap shots, any of you who have really seen me play hockey or rugby know this for sure. My limit is, you have one that you can get away with, after that, it's your ass. So, as Toolbox was trying something he was sure was cheap and would work, I hooked my right arm around his at the elbow, threw my hip around low while I swung my right arm across my body, propelling him over my hip and dropping hard on this back and side. Dang it indeed! To get to the game, Willie Moe was shooting lights out, dropping about 27 points. Dino, our point guard who works with my father scored 23 points as they were both shooting rather well from beyond the three point line. My father added some key rebounds and Jaime Young, a kid with whom I went to College with and I recently ran into again, scored about 5 pts and also helped with some big boards as our inside presence. Billy came out with a Josh Pace type of game scoring 8 pts and having some nice passes and good work inside near the basket. Now we come to the player who has captured all of your hearts with his electrifying play and poor free throw shooting, that's right, the Toast chipped in on the offensive side as well missing his three shots that were taken. I did find myself at the free throw line for a few shots, going 1-4 down the stretch and icing the game for the Pacers with 14 seconds left not to mention a bunch of nice steals and rebounds. Final score, 63-58. Jitter, you win a chicken wing pizza for the Toast hitting one free throw. See Willie Moe Pena to collect your prize. Good times, good times.

The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.

I just wanted to take a minute out of my extremely busy work schedule (I just got done writing an email to Little Crapper Charlie Coville) and send out a nice Merry Christmas to all of my beloved toastedblog fans. I hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday. Enjoy time spent with your families, eat a lot of food, watch some quality T.V., push around any chumps that you may encounter, build a raft that is sea worthy, launch kittens with a water balloon sling shot, and most importantly spoil your friend Toastie with tons of door prizes and shower him with spectacular gifts. Don't worry, I won't mind.

To all you boys zooming into town for a classic over-wing night at the Change of Pace, be safe driving here because not one of you will leave alive. So, in closing Merry Christmas: Big Baby Jitters, Jables and TT, Willie Moe and lady friend Jaime, Billy Shannon and Rage Cage, Danny Banazek, Charlie Coville and Yankee Fan Mary (don't forget to say hi to the Prep and Hot Ta-Molly), Chukes and Timmy, Mags (didn't think I was going to leave you out), Chump Phelps, Bo Hall Jaime and 15, Beach Justice, MacGuyver Chuck, Badass and Brownie Moe, my family (I guess), Funford, Army Matt and Shannon, Kenners, Calhoun, TW, Casey-dilla making Ma Jitters and Bill Jitters, Princess Daley, wife Amy, and Little Nick Daley, the Change of Pace, Blarney Stone Rachel, Wreckin Ball and B-Rad, the Treadwells and J. ( I hope you're doing well), Tucker and Reyn, Kyle, rugby boys, Miss Tami Zimmerman, K- Dog Davis, and everyone else that I know!! Even some that I don't. Have a wonderful and safe holiday and the Toast will see you soon.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Oh my god....Its Everywhere....It's even in my Raccoon Wounds!!

Today's Toastedblog title comes straight to us from Army Matt, one of the guys on my rugby team. (the guy in yellow jersey putting the headlock on, over the top a tackled Toast) You see, Matt went down with me to Giants Stadium on Saturday to watch the Giants take on the Steelers. A rather large American from just outside Harrisburg, PA, Army Matt grew up a Steelers fan, so there was definitely a lot to discuss on our way down to the Meadowlands in New Jersey; including Family Guy quotes. (See Toastedblog Title) You Change O' Pacers know Matt as one of our "Big Men" inside. Anywho, we went down early on Saturday morning to see what Eli had to offer. Army Matt was decked to the nines in Steeler garb. The Toast, you knew what he had up his sleeve, SHOCK-EY!!! I got to see him catch a touchdown live. That's livin' right there my friends. L-I-V-I-N! For a good portion of the afternoon it looked like the Giants had a good shot of winning. Giants, beating the 11-1 Steelers. What?? I started to get a drunken chant going to rattle the young Steelers quarterback: "HEY STEELERS, HOW'S YOUR BURGER??!! (Chant deliberately taken from line in Dumb and Dumber) Apparently their burger was damn tasty because he threw for 316 yards and Antwon Randle El apparently cannot be covered, at all. But what was more important, the future of the Giants franchise looked like a NFL equivalent quarterback, he didn't look shell shocked out there. Manning was making reads, making good throws, running when he needed, and managing the game quite well. For a while, he had a 137 quarterback rating as he was 12 of 16 for 137 yards and 2 touchdowns. He ended up throwing for 187, 2 touchdowns, and a pick that wasn't his fault as Toomer's feet got caught up with the cornerback and he fell, giving the defense an unchallenged interception (an inner for you Pats Pub fans). Hopefully this was the game where the NFL started to make sense to him. I must say, at first, the Giants decision to not sign Kerry Collins to a new deal and instead draft Eli Manning did not make for a lovable Toast. I anything, I resented the fact that the Giants got rid of a quarterback with so much to offer in the unintentional comedy scale. I mean, Kerry was a alcoholic racist at one time in his career, an alcoholic racist that fumbles the ball a lot. How do you throw that away? But Eli has grown on my more and more as the season has gone on and I found myself really pulling for him the last few weeks. Now, I consider myself a real supporter of young Eli. Is there room in the closet for another jersey, besides Shockey and the piece de' resistance, a disfigured Charlie Batch jersey. I think that there might be. Now Eli just needs a chant for Giants fans to get into, just like Shockey has. SHOCK-EY!!!! Shockey indeed. Even though the Giants lost, the game was awful enjoyable. I had the ultimate goal of trying to head out to Schenectady to see Tommy O'Connor and Reyn who were visiting Javen for his birthday from Boston and let me tell you it would have been great to get out there. But I was wiped after the early morning drive down to NYC, then enjoying the game the only way I know how, with plenty a beers. Top that afternoon off with leaving the stadium at 6pm and not getting home till 10pm, it just wasn't going to work. I instead spent the evening watching Lord of the Rings, the Return of the King, eating a grilled ham and cheese sandwich, and enjoying more than my fair share of sodas. Throw in a viewing of Dodgeball afterwards and I was up until 4am watching movies. I haven't had a Saturday night like that since High School. Alchohol has been a major influence on my weekends since then.

The Toast followed Saturday up with what had to be one of the more fun nights I have had in recent memory. On Sunday I headed over to the Change of Pace to meet up with Billy, Chumps, and Rage Kage for some friendly banter and chicken wings while full on enjoying the Indianapolis v. Baltimore game. However, this trip to one of the greatest places on earth came complete with a rendezvous with Big Marky Badass and his brother Streamlined Badass. (You can call him Drew if you like, Streamlined Badass is a more rugged and handsome version of BA) We spent the rest of the evening reliving stories from random adventures, talking about what we do now, Europe craziness, and beautiful drunk talk. He is going to be in Syracuse for a few weeks so there will be some updates on what the haps are. For example, we have been informed that Moe and Mags may be planning a night out with us where the four of us go to dinner, the ladies can discuss womanly things while Badass and I will go through a good amount of drinks and talk finance, or something else that sophisticated men discuss, like routes to the office. We definitely won't bring up Gary Busey film festivals, goofy humor with LeMoyne Physical Plant Employers, poop stories, or nights on Lancaster Ave. By the way, he remembers the night that Javen, Willie Moe and myself performed a drunken rendition of "House on Pooh Corner" and drove away party guests, just in case anyone was wondering. Good times, good times.

What else has been going on, I forgot that it has almost been a week since I helped you out toastedblog fans. Well, for starters, Team Bo Hall has been on a tear lately with another first place finish for Clarkes Trivia, and we did this one without the Prime Supporter of all sports, no matter which ones they may be, wicked awesome teammate Jaime. Despite our best efforts to not do well, we lucked into victory. Oh, and go back one day to last Tuesday, the Change O' Pacers are in the win column. The Toast erupted for 18 points. They call me layup cause the kid's automatic, if automatic means you miss a good portion of makeable shots. Jitter would have been proud of the Pacers on that day my toastedblog pals. You should heve seen me running the court buddy, hair flowing complete with headband and high socks, smiling big and talking smack. With your help, they can only hope to contain me.

Now, to confuse my audience a little more, we go to Thursday night where the Toast plays in his first hockey game of the season. My team, we're not great and I found out the we are called the Underdogs. Well, we didn't play like it on Thursday holding the lead for the majority of the game, only to lose 7-5 to what I hear was supposed to be the best team in the league. I wasn't that impressed with them. Well, Toast didn't do too poorly scoring a goal and setting up another, but I found that for most the of the game I was trying to regain my skating legs as well as my stickhandling skills seeing as this was my first game since last March. I have another game tomorrow and I follow that up with one next Tuesday as well. I figure by then I will have a good idea of what I am doing out there again and will be able to wow my teammates by showing them how Toast's play. Good news is that I didn't not get a penalty for really putting a shoulder into some guy and taking him out. Maybe they are being more lenient on allowing checking. That makes me happy, cause the Toast doesn't believe in poke checking. What also puts a little hop in my step is that my brother will be in town that week and he is bringing his goalie equipment with him so he can skate with my team next Tuesday. All are invited to see two Cregg's tackle the 19 and over Men's hockey league in Cicero. Refreshments shall be provided as this rink comes complete with a bar, who gives us free pitchers following our games. YES!!! Game 2 is tomorrow night.

Time to get out your Checkbook and Pay Grandma for the Rubdown!!

How you feelin' Toastedblog fans??!! We're all fired up here and nothing's gonna stop us now!! Why are things so kick ass and awesome, especially seeing as how I am currently at work?? Three words combined into one, a menage a trois of hot bloggin' (Usually you gotta pay extra for that kind of action), or ClassicOverblog. Billy, you have certainly outdone yourself. That is all I will give Toasted fans on that subject, not sure if I can talk more about it yet. Damn, its wiped me out already and I've known about it for only a few hours.

But I'm still fired up, and for more reasons than some simple Shannon creation. The countdown has begun and its T minus......uh......ten days.....no......well, I'm not really sure of the T minus thing but our Uncle Jitter plans to be joining all of his favorite almost kin for a couple of days of classic over-grease, classic over-strohs, and classic under-dang its as he returns to the States come Christmas time. Not sure entirely when we shall be getting together and for how long but a short rendezvous in Buffalo is currently in the works (bars are open till 4 am) and how could we miss what should be our annual COP Christmas Party. Chicken wings, door prizes, You Feelin' Me varsity jackets, cheap beers, ineveitable bloating, possible vomiting, Scooter sightings, and some truly great and burly friends, now that's a real Festivus Miracle. I am so excited that I can barely contain myself. Currently, I am in the works to get the Monday following Christmas off to fully enjoy the holiday season and the only way I know how to really celebrate this includes a spirited bout with everyone's favorite game, Pizza Box. So, lets face it, I'm going to need a day off to regain my strength.

In other news, that same week we have Jitter coming to America (Let's hear it for my band, Sexual Chocolate; ain't they so fine?), the Toast could also see some classic over-Cregg's. Word on the proverbial street is that big sister Katie (with bonus Camy footage) is heading to NY for a week plus stay and younger, but much larger brother Cory may also be on his way as well. Another Festivus Miracle!!! You know what that means; Drunken Cregg Snow Wrestling. This time I will pay attention to Jitter for the potential tag. What we need know is Javen to don a jacket with a rhinestone keyboard on the shoulders so he can play "Mouth of the South" Jimmy Hart; Will, you can be Brutus "the Barber" Beefcake. Billy, I see you as the Tatanka.

The Change O' Pacers have a huge matchup against a team of firefighters tonight. I have asked a friend of mine from college to join in on the fun and hopefully with his 6'5" frame we'll be able to have an inside presence and I can stop getting dunked on. True I'm only 5'11" and I'm awful fierce but the Toast can't stop dudes with 7 inches of height on him. I follow up tonight's basketball game with a hockey game at 10 pm. I am going to be wiped out, and I was sick all weekend. Don't worry Toastedblog fans, I'll let you know how they turned out.

Well, Mr. White Chocolates can always be reached at my baby's Mommas house.

Good afternoon toasted blog enthusiasts. While I appreciate y'all gaining insight on the relm of the Toast, let me first explain how today's entry came to be. Last night I joined a few loveable characters down at Clark's Ale House for a spirited round of trivia and needless to say, Team Bo Hall didn't disapoint. We finished in a three way tie for first and spent our third place winnings from our last trip rather well through multiple beer purchases. Mmmmm...Hoptoberfest and Screamers. Anywho, to get to the point, the final question that Bo Hall encountered had to do with naming People magazine's sexist man of the year from the past 10 years. Now, if we had Javen amongst us, there would be no share of the top prize; but unfortunately we had to make do without him and we ended up getting 7 out of the 10. So, here we are (Team Bo Hall is: Billy, Rage Kage or Kathy to the layman, Jaime, Willie Moe, yours truly, and our two newest prospectives Tami and Elaine) and there has been a fair amount of drinking that has been involved. Conversations of listing our own personal top ten celebrities that we would want to sleep with are being tossed around and this is where we get to todays entry that is written especially for Jaime. Next, on a very special toastedblog, Toastie's top ten MILF's.

We begin the countdown at number ten and she's no slouch. Toasted Fans, I give you, Julianne Moore. Man, I love those redheads. She was Maude Lebowski, and she may be on this list for the following exchange alone:

Maude Lebowski: Do you like sex, Mr. Lebowski?
The Dude: 'Scuse me?
Maude Lebowski: Sex. The physical act of love. Coitus. Do you like it?
The Dude: I was talking about my rug.
Maude Lebowski: You're not interested in sex?
The Dude: You mean coitus?

Moving on, we have a pair of fightin' mommas at 9 and 8 that Toast finds awful attractive. Coming in at number 9 is Uma Thurman. Kinda tall at 6 feet but I'm 5'11" so I think we could make it work. Plus she could use some comforting after taking out the Deadly Viper Assasination Squad. Number 8 brings us Carrie-Anne Moss, or for you Sci-Fi geeks, Trinity from the Matrix Trilogy. Something about a lady in black vinyl kickin' ass and takin' names. Woah (say it like Keanu).

Number 7. 7's the key number here. Think about it. 7-Elevens. 7 doors. 7, man, that's the number. 7 chipmunks twirlin' on a branch, eatin' lots of sunflowers on my uncle's ranch. You know that old children's tale from the sea. It's like you're dreamin' about Gorgonzola cheese when it's clearly Brie time, baby. Step into my office. Sorry, getting carried away with movie quotes. Stupid Something About Mary affecting my thought process. Anyway, at Number 7 we have Diane Lane. Watch Unfaithful and you'll understand why.

At number 6 we have a momma that supports the cellular phone era and looks good doing so, none other than Catherine Zeta Jones herself. Not much to explain with this one. She's just incredible looking.

Stacy Carosi, Carrie Heffernan, Vince Vaughn's wife in Old School; do any of these names sound familiar?? Well, if so you know that at number 5 we have Leah Remini and you also know that she's hot, and funny to boot. Now that is just something that you can't leave off this list.

All the way down to number 4 already and in now way is this blog affecting my work production. So without further adeiu, Angelina Jolie. I'm officially speechless.

Number 3 gives us the only non baby's momma on the list, but she plays one on t.v. so it counts. Certain days after work at the gym, a couple of ladies on the treadmills watch the Gilmore Girls while they walk and chat. That is when my interest in the show first started, because of Lorelai, or in the real world, Lauren Graham. I don't know if its the sparkling personality, the witty sense of humor, the awful big words she uses, or that fact that she's wicked attractive. In any event, it was difficult to place her on the toastedblog list at number 3.

We're down to the final two and both have blessed the content of toastedblog on repeated occasions, and damn they're fine. You all should think so too. THINK IT!!! To finally finish this mutha off, lets get to number 2, hee hee hee. Sorry. At number 2, we have Kate Beckinsale. Oh my, she's easy on the eyes. You may remember past toastedblogs, such as the last one, where the Toast questions Ben Affleck and mentions his fondness for hot English Actresses named Kate. And I looked into it, she has been knocked up. Dang!!!

You've suffered through this list long enough and hopefully I didn't lose any readers with this one. But Toasts have to do what are asked of them so we come to the conclusion of Toastedblog's Top Ten Hottest MILF's. This one is no surprise to me but may be to some. She's musically talented and baby crazy, well maybe not baby crazy but she is baby's momma and the Toast is nuts for her, which is pretty much gravy. All confusion on that last statement should be directed to Carl Spackler of Caddyshack. I'm getting away from the topic. Toastedblog's Nunber 1 is none other than Liz Phair. Toast has always been a big fan of her music and hotness, now I am finally displaying it on the internet. Thank god!! Well, that's it. Can the flu be the scapegoat for shotty writting and bad humor?? Its going to be. However, some good has come out of all of this, my newfound addiction to Halls Cough Drops. Its the mentholyptus that makes 'em good. Drive safe everybody.

Nobody snuggles with Max Power; you strap yourself in and feel the "G"s!!

The cute, lovable, and cuddly toast that my internet audience all know and love is dead!! Well at least for tonight; or is it tomorrow night. Hmmm.........I think I forgot. Anywho, my point is that I have to be tough again. Why you ask toasted fans, because I start playing hockey again this week bitches!!! Sorry, I didn't mean to call you that, Wooo!!!! I'm tough! Roses have thorns ay.

But Toast, you're only starting to play hockey tonight, this late in the winter? Why is that?? You've been going on for months on how you have been all excited to play any day now and we, the toasted blog audience have to read this crap about you just starting now. What gives?? Are you calling me a chump?? Its not my fault that I have had to wait this long. (Quick sidenote; am I having a conversation with myself) You see, I used to play on the same team the last few years with this dude I skated with in high school. Now, a problem has risen. I don't remember how to get in touch with him, and vice versa. Now, I was told by toasted Dad that he had run into a guy I used to play in a club hockey league with back in high school years as well and apparently my game play left some sort of impression on him because he asked if I was still playing. To which my father replied, Uh...yeah. So this guy, lets call him Chris, asked me to be on his men's league team starting in the fall, round October. Problem number two. He never gets back in touch with me. I track him down repeatedly only never to get a call back. This happens over the course of November, from end of rugby season all the way through Thanksgiving. I am once again without a team.

A stroke of genius!!! Now, I know what toasted fans are saying, that's impossible with you Toast. You're as sharp as child proof scissors. Any other time, you'd all be right. But when it comes to devising a plan to play hockey, then the idea supply becomes well stocked my friends. Tired of waiting, I called up as many places I could think of for adult hockey league information. I called the only hockey pro shop in Syracuse, the rinks I used to play men's leagues in Cicero, I even called where I played youth hockey. I finally hear back from the Twin Rinks in Cicero the same night Billy, Rage Kage, and myself attended Grandma Stack's calling hours. Who is my special helper in all this?? Why, its Art. The night manager from Cicero. He informs me that there are one or two teams in the league that need some players. At this point, I am full on delicious pizza from some place called Trappers (resident pizza connoisseur Rage Kage gives stamp of approval but also informs us that it does not surpass C.O.P.), had a few beers and traveling towards more. Art has my information and will get in touch when he has a team lined up for me. Good news there. More good news, we are on the way to the Change of Pace to meet Javen and have more beers at this point. Terrific!!!

Fast forward to last night. While doing laundry and thinking about chicken wings, I contacted everyone's favorite little crapper Charlie Coville at about 8:30 to head down to the Blarney. While there enjoying a few Molson's, I was called by some fella named Scott. The reason, his team's need for a forward. The answer, I'll be there ready to play. Except I have to call him back now because I don't remember which night it was. In any event, my long journey for some winter activity has come to an end. Also, all you local toasted fans in need of getting your ice hockey fix. Where I play comes complete with an elevated bar to watch games on both rinks so, in other words, I look forward to your drunken heckling. Just remember my shot isn't so accurate so I'd keep comments low while I have the puck or you may find it being fired in your direction and hitting you in the FACE!! No seriously, hockey is awesome!!! Come watch!!

More current events toastedblog fans. Today marks the 63rd anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor. No, not the movie. What a bunch of crap that was by the way. Why doesn't Ben Affleck die?? And how the hell did he pull in Kate Beckinsale?? Ohh....I like her. But I digress, the History Major in me sees more in today than the reminder of a crappy movie with cool special effects. My Grandfather was a Gunnery Officer on a destroyer stationed in the Pacific in WWII and knowing my love of history has often told me stories at family gatherings of his experiences in the war. Fortunately he was not present during the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor. To be witness to that must have been awful. Sorry for the negative turn of events here, just paying some respects, I'm done for now.

Baseball is played on a diamond, or in a park, the baseball park. Football is played on the gridiron or a stadium. War Memorial Stadium. Has Toast gone mad??? No, don't be crazy. I'm just getting all amped up to go see George Carlin at the Landmark Theatre on Saturday. Been a fan for quite some time. Now I get to see him live. I like this idea, and I am definitely excited to be a part of it. Oohh, maybe I'll get to go to Clarke's before hand. Mmmmm...roast beef and screamers. Or a bunch of Druid Fluid like on Friday, Javen knows what I'm talking about. It's not even Canadian beer and it drinks like moonshine!! Hell Yes!! Well, its something to think about. Till then toasted fans, I'm out!!

He's the BEST......And the Worst.

Big Marky Badass shall be joining us shortly. Ok, so what does that mean to our toastedblog audience?? What the hell is a Big Marky Badass?? Does it float in water?? Kind of. Can you eat it?? You're sick!! Will it help me balance my checkbook??? Maybe? Here, let me explain. Matt, or Badass as he is remembered as in college, is coming home on Dec. 14th for a little over a month. He is a member of Americorp and has spent the last few years over in Europe, namely Ireland and Paris, France. Not bad for this former touring beer pong champion. (Willie Moe and B.A. are never allowed to be on the same team ever!!)

Badass and I went to college together and were housemates my senior year. As a few of my friends are a year or two older than me (some even more, Owww!!!) I am one year older than B.A. I met him the summer right after my sophomore year at LeMoyne as we both worked together amongst a few others for the college's building and grounds crew; however, he insists that we met at the beginning of the year outside his dorm as I was stumbling back from a bar one night and asked him for a cigarette as I was walking back to my room, I don't remember it at all but that can be said about a lot of things.

Now, the Toast has met a whole bunch of people throughout his 25 years but few are as cool and doofy as Badass. Working together we became fast friends, each taking our goofiness to new heights as we would compliment each other with jokes, stupid comments, and outrageous actions. For example, a bevy of hot young coeds worked in the registrar office that summer and B.A. and I decided that the only conceivable way to get there attention was to create a giant flag that read "We love Registrar Girls" and hang it off the back of our school owned truck. But wait, there's more. We put a blow up sex doll in our boss' truck one day at work and we even created a song about handcarts (dollys) while waiting to unload a tractor trailer full of the heaviest couches imaginable, to which our boss Mike replied: "You two are a couple of fuckin' idiots." Don't get Mike wrong though, he really liked our hijinks. Here's a little taste of "Handcart Love", sung to the beat of "Every Little Thing she does is Magic" by the Police.

Every little curve she has is magic;
the little black wheels they turn me on.
You could say that handcart love is tragic,
but my devotion carries on.....

You say her weight capacity is ample;
she moves furniture with ease.
Saves my back from labor.
My little silver tease.

We're not finished yet. Aside from work craziness, Badass and I also created the dance craze that's sweeping the nation, that of course would be the calculator. Envision if you will other hot dance moves like the shopping cart, or the water sprinkler. Well, the calculator follows a similar mode, but we added a HOT twist that cannot be shared over the internet. This kind of dancing requires first hand experience. You can't just read up on something this awesome. When he's in town, we'll demonstrate for all those who want to learn.

Badass was an individual that would do anything and it wouldn't surprise you. Knowing the value of the all mighty buck, he was frequent visitor to the LeMoyne Mart, that run down ghetto store near campus that sold old merch. and delivered beer to campus. I once saw him purchase what had to be about a 7 year old can of refried beans and eat them right out of said can. Three days later, I witnessed him do the same thing with a can of pickled herring. Still more thriftiness to be had, he put seventeen dollars worth of pennies into a stamp machine because he knew it would dispense Sacajawea coin dollars when you hit the change return button. He must have been there for at least an hour putting pennies in there. The reason for this exercise, the purchase of Coqui 40's.

As a joke while in school, we created hundreds of fliers and plastered them all over campus. What was this for, Gary Busey Week, why wouldn't it be? This hoax saw the creation of a film festival to honor one of the "greatest actors of all time". Everywhere you looked, you saw signs for Gary Busey Week. The slogan: "All Hot Films, All Gary Busey". This festival was to feature such Busey hits as: Rookie of the Year, Lethal Weapon, Surviving the Game (movie where he hunts Ice Cube in the forest), Under Siege, and Black Sheep. The Buse is loose indeed!!

So, for about a month this fella is going to be in town. I haven't seen B.A. in over a year and I am looking forward to his visit. True, I'm sure that he is going to want to spend a lot of time with his family, but what do you think I am after all of this. I did get to go to his family clambake weekend in the Adirondaks a few years ago. The Greiner family reunion. It was just a drink fest, complete with a horseshoe tourney, crab legs, and a parade of his drunken costumed family members on day 3. The year I went, the theme was Amish. I hear last years was Pirates. Now some of you may have met Badass, some have no idea on who the hell I am talking about. I know at least Jables and Willie Moe remember the B.A. Think back if you will to a summer night outside his town house the year we lived on Lancaster. Do you boys recall driving his friends away as we sat around outside all hammered and sang "The House on Pooh Corner". How were ladies not all over us that night? Chuck, remember when B.A. and Sean almost got in a fight while we were watching the G.I. Joe Movie. Good times. What I am gettting at here toastedblog fans is, when Badass comes home. Let's show him a hell of a time!!

In closing, we'd like to give a special toastedblog thanks to Billy Shannon and Willie Moe Emerson for Robert Goulet skit stuck in the Toast's head. Without the never ending hilarious quoting I wouldn't be able to keep going Gooo-lay (Goulet) throughout my work afternoon and have my fellow officemates look at me like I am a retard. Really, thanks a lot guys. Top Notch, Top Notch!!

Say goodbye to your two best friends, and I don't mean your pals in the winnebago.

TOASTEDBLOG RETURNS!!! And there was much rejoicing. yay.... I said MUCH REJOICING!! YAY!!! There it is!! I don't think that I have ever seen so many exclamation points. Spaceballs was on T.V. the other day. Dammit.....I'm retarded.

Anywho, what's up?? Well, things haven't been crazy here but some new shit has come to light. For example; did you know that the Toast went to Albany for the weekend?? Oh wait, you did, I forgot that I mentioned that I was going. Well, I saw Javen and Midwestern friend Danny "No Nickname" Banazek; what do you think about that?? Huh? My audience knows this too?!?! You think you run a tight ship around here and look at this. Someone get my assistant on the horn so we can get this blog done right.

ring...ring....ring

O.G. Pennyloaf: "Hello sir, what seems to be the problem?"

Casey (Toast/Me): "What the $%&# is going on Pennyloaf?? I don't care what your name stands for, fix this ?%$& right now?

O.G. Pennyloaf: "Yes sir, right away sir."

That's why he's an original gangster. He take care of all my bidness!! I'm afraid that I may have de-railed yet again and gotten all rambly and nonsensical. True, I am not 100% sure that a few of those were even words, but they sound smart, and that's what the Toast is all about; pretending. WHAT?!?! No! Ok, its time to take this blog over.

Well, a few nice days off from work and I forget everything about what got toastedblog to the top. Good, old fashioned, kickin' ass!! Or at least some incoherant ramblings. I really wish I could erase all of this but I've come too far. Here we go!!

The Toast had a nice few days off and is much better for it. For example, there was no coming into the office on Thursday or Friday, instead there was being hungover from late Wednesday night out to the Blarney Stone and Mully's with Chukes and friends, mass turkey eating, laying in jammy jams, and playing video games while eating man sized leftovers. Friday night involved the driving to Schenectady complete with Pabst and Magnum (with which Danny found a clever way to include a Tom Selleck reference), hilarity with Willie Moe (and Super Troopers lines) and never sleeping. Albany proved to be a hotbed of activity with delicious 99 cent burgers at Cheers (and Chicken Sampler apps, even though there were wings to be split), beautiful Pepsi Arena, and cheap college apparel. The state capital is a wonderful place. Plus Javen and Dunford were there!!

Schenectady, on the other hand, had its ups and downs. I'm not calling out the town where Javen is proud to call home, but there is a certain establishment that left a sour taste in our mouths. We were assured by our gracious host that BL's was never as poor as what we found on Saturday night and it was highly possible that it would never be again. And I was the one who wasn't arguing with the bartender, even though Javen, Danny, and Sweet Will were correct in doing so. The situation that fateful Saturday night at BL's deserves its own blog. Maybe a joint write up betwixt the group that was there. It was one of the most bizarre bar moments I have ever experienced, besides getting thrown up on as a I was sitting down at a bar in college, or leaning on a cop while awaiting a drunken entry to some bar while seeing Cracker in Boston (and I still got in). Getting thrown out for being well behaved at 10 pm on a Saturday, weird. What was even better, the drive back to Syracuse at 2 am to make sure Danny would be able to make it back to Chigago in time for the Simpsons on Sunday, which was a repeat!!! Just kidding buddy, I didn't mind.

We fast forward to Tuesday because Sunday doesn't count following a Giants loss (although I was accompanied to a movie; I saw National Treasure; I don't care what you say, the Toast is a fan of Nic Cage). Now I feel I must explain that last statement. True, Nicholas Cage movies aren't going to change the world, I mean, did you see Snake Eyes?? Well, I take that back, he was in Adaptation which was pretty damn good. So was Leaving Las Vegas and Bringing Out the Dead wasn't bad. I was referring to movies that he does with Jerry Bruckheimer like The Rock or Con Air. That was what National Treasure was basically, a fun movie to watch but not one to be taken seriously otherwise your head a splode from trying to figure out why it was so easy to steal the Declaration of Independence. I liked it. Anyway, I was fast forwarding.

Ty Willingham was fired?!?! I hate what sports are becoming. Its all what have you done for me lately. Win now!! Alumni and boosters forget that Notre Dame has killer schedule every year and that they don't recruit kids like they used to; they all go to the U. So guys like Willingham, who has been successful with the Irish (except for last year when he was 5-7) or Tom Osborne with Nebraska, who went 8-3 and was fired after the season one year ago get fired for not being perfect year in and year out. Now look at Nebraska. Bill Callahan very well could get the axe after the year the Huskers had. Why was he in there, because 8-3 wasn't good enough?? This happens everywhere, coaches and players getting let go, fired, traded, benched just because they have an off game, or a bad season, or don't make the playoffs. I understand changes need to be made by ownership when things aren't going well, but give these individuals the opportunity to turn something around, rather than as soon as something going badly, you cut 'em loose.

Tuesday's also include going to the court to run. Run, you mean play basketball? Yup. The Change 'O Pacers lost another heart breaker last night, 98 to 46. Every game has the fans seeing an obviously frustrated toast playing ball. I think I may be too competitive when it comes to sports, which isn't a bad thing. I get so angry running around and losing playing basketball, sometimes I forget its for fun. Toastedblog audience, the reason I joined this team was for something to do while rugby was over and in between weekly hockey games. My friends and I put this team together knowing that we were going to lose, but just to have fun, and I do. But part of me really hates all the losing. I hate having the other team look at us as a bunch of chumps, like we're no good. For me, it just feels degrating. Am I too proud? Never!! Trust me, if you have ever seen me play hockey, football, basketball, rugby, anything, you would see that I can never be cocky. I have been and always will be a hustle guy; a hard worker who relies more on effort than talent. But I feel that myself, and the rest of the Change 'O Pacers are better than getting blown out weekly by 50 plus. I'm even the same when it comes to playing video games with little Charlie Coville, I get pissed when I lose. Oh well, I guess its better than not caring at all. Plus, I got this sent to me to laugh about, so I got that going for me, which is nice.

Well, we're halfway through the week now and I'm at work. I have no idea how to end this so I shall take a small bow.