"A Motley Crue lunchbox filled with sticky buns!!"

Well seeing as how the Christmas shopping season hits full swing on Friday, perhaps this toasted blog should be all about what I may want and/or need for the holidays this year. For example, do I need a see through jump suit that fits me tight or a solid gold harley with machine guns on the front, probably not. Are they on a list of items desired this Christmas, uh....YEAH!! But there is no time to discuss this now. There is big news here in the relm of the toast, so big I can barely move.

Old housemate, central time zone drunk, and former second hottest member of the 2003 New Media class (according to loveable Japanese Metalheads) Dan Banazek his heading back to this part of the country for a few days to see his "family" But if you thought that was good, it gets even better. Danny, Willie Moe, and myself instinctively flocking east like the salmon of Capistrano and we're going to end up in a little place I like to call, Javen's living room, or bedroom if we're lucky. That's right, we're going to Schenectady. Syracuse plays Siena in Albany and I have to see some McThunder action. Sweet McThunder, why must you graduate this year. Maybe you'll join the ranks of our Johnny Jitters and he can regale us with tales of an overseas Craiggers. I like the sound of that. In any event, I am pretty sure one of our party may die this weekend. It's usually like that. Take last road trip for example; what was that Reyn was throwing up in?? A Dodge Stratus. Ha haa ha haa!! Kills me everytime and I din't even remember who said it.

I'm not going to lie to you but this whole toastedblog entry was started a little late in the day and now I have to struggle to finish both my work and what really matters, letting the internet know of where I stand in my Wednesday afternoon. So, with that finally spit out, I can say, Happy Thanksgiving!!! Everyone stay safe and enjoy time with your families. Except for Phelps!!

Just kidding buddy, Happy Thanksgiving!!

He asked us: "Be you angels??" And we said: "Nay; We are but men. ROCK!"

Over the years I have noticed something very prominant about who I am and I have been in a neverending goofy grin mode my entire life because of it. But what is it?? What could effect Toast this way?? Is it the joy of helping others?? How about quenching the ever thirsting need for knowledge?? The love that you get from family?? Hmmm.....all of these are great answers and they are in my life but not what puts that hop in my step everyday. So Toast, what's going on here and where are you going with this?? Well, funny you should ask that because I was about to share. Nothing is more of a reverse dang it in this world......than being a dude.

Ok, before we get started here, let me first explain that this is nothing against you ladies, y'all are top notch!! So, just that we understand and are all on the same table, I am not taking anything away from you ladies. But honestly, being a dude, not bad times at all. Think about it, whether the reason is as simple as being able to open all of your own jars and ESPN or as complex as the ability to say things like: "wow, my balls sure do hurt" and not worrying about what other people think, being a guy has its advantages. Movie nudity is virtually always female, you know stuff about tanks, if you see a guy at the bar with the same shirt on you might just become buddies for life, underwear comes conviniently in three packs for $10, and most importantly, you get to jump up and slap stuff. I've never had my butt be a factor in job interviews (although in all honesty, my butt would get me the job and that big promotion) and outside of playing the game, a guy in a hockey mask never has tried to attack me. People don't really glance at my chest when they talk to me, I can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes, and if something mechanical doesn't work, fixing it is a snap because I get to bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room. Weddings are easy for us for there is no need to hunt like crazy for the perfect dress due to the $75. tuxedo rental. Not to mention, bachelor parties womp on bridal showers. I think I may be rambling. This was all supposed to start as a tribute to some dudes I know, without giving their blogs shameless plugs like amatuer stripper websites on Howard Stern and I was going to talk about my weekend a little bit, instead I present the above passage. I have de-railed and I will now move on.

I know Dane Cook would appreciate this next story, well not so much a story but just a statement of a few collective facts from portions of my weekend. Friday night I went to a bar to watch the SU game. Knowing that I had to be up and on the road at 5:30 am I tried to make it an early night but beer has a way of getting a hold of me from time to time so I ended up with a nice happy beer buzz and home by 11:30 pm. Well, I think the number of Sam Adams' consumed by the Toast effected his ability to hear 5 am alarms because I didn't wake up till ten after six. I had the immediate I'm late feeling as I woke and then flew out the door and into my car and did 80 the entire way down through the back roads to Elmira and Corning. What was to be a 2 hour drive was completed in one hour and twenty two minutes and I arrived at my referee seminar three whole minutes early. Waking up late so I don't have time to stop for egg mcmuffins, no thank you, spending my entire Saturday down in fucking Corning in a classroom and skating while not playing any hockey, yes...please??? I also got some rugby playing in this weekend when I received a call at 10:30 on Sunday morning from my rugby teammate's Brad (aka Louganis due to his swimming background) and Schee (short for Scheemaker, his last name). We had a pick up game at 2 pm and played for a few hours. Great to be playing after a few weeks off. What wasn't great was taking an errant shot to the boys and forgetting to throw that area's protective gear in my gym bag. I think I threw up in my mouth after that incident and hopefully baby making is still possible cause I have a baseball team to field and coach in my adult years. We are currently accepting applications for assistant coach and team trainer. Please include references and head shots.

Ok, I am all over the place here. Word on the street is that Dan Banazek (shameless blog plug) is coming into town for turkey day. Does this mean that Toastie has a partner in crime for drive to Schenectady to see Javen, Fun-ford, and the Siena Saints as they take on Syracuse. I certainly hope so. Danny, think about all of the fast food possibilities that can be had on the way out. I think I remember driving past a Popeyes.....or was it Roy Rogers. In any event, they have Burger King's and I seem to recall you eating multiple whoppers as you slugged giant coffees on your lunch breaks late on Sunday afternoon, you know, before we all headed out to the Change Of Pace for delicious wingies and $1 drafts of Labatts. Ooh ooh, and drunk talk, sweet beautiful drunk talk. By the way, in case you don't check your email, they play at 1pm on Saturday and I shall wear all of my Craiggy McThunder gear. (he's so handsome, and awesome) Or at least purchase/manufacture some. Please return your wrist bands to their ROCK IT positions. Javen, I shall leave Friday, get the Schaefers ready!! And the popcorn balls. I'll bring the chicken wing pizza!! Owww!!!!

Today on Toastedblog, the part of Toastie will be played by Casey Cregg

Hello. Am I doing this right?? Well, unfortunately Toastie couldn't make it in today so he has entrusted his alter ego to fulfill some of his blogging duties. Can you believe this is the third entry of the week, AMAZING. Not much has happened to the Toast since the last time we caught up with him. Hell, that was only a day ago. What do you expect from le Toast, its the middle of the work week!! Anywho, I am not trying to get upset like my toasted counterpart (que the "I'm getting very upset" comments ala Toastie). Instead, I am killing some time as a portion of our database is down here at the office. That's right, I have a database; What of it??!! This was not how it was suppossed to go at all.

Well, big news here in toastedland. That is, bigger news than the Bo Hall team victory in Clarke's trivia last night (yeah, we got second place); which is huge in its own right. Seeing as how the greatest of holidays is almost upon us we are going to have a surprise visitor staying here. Well, actually two surprise visitors. That's right internet audience, Katie and that loveable chocolate lab named after the greatest power foward the NHL has ever seen are stopping by for some good time holiday cheer. If you all cannot remember who my sister is or what she looks like, let's re-live her embarrassment by plastering her picture and information on the world wide web. Hopefully, some of my friends will be around to help show her a wonderful time as she is as crazy and fun as Toastie is, without the clever nickname in the Portuguese spelling. How long is she going to be in town for?? Well, I'd like it to be for a good long while seeing as how I never took full advantage of hang out time when she used to live in PA and then, most recently, Binghampton. But now, like my younger brother, she has fled the Empire State in a move to Michigan which happened back in March. That led to a combined 28 plus hours in a moving van with my father as we had to drive her belongings to Grand Rapids back in the spring. Let me tell you, as you have no idea how awesome it is spending that much time in a large slow moving vehicle with just your father. There is only so much of that a man can take. Ok, I am getting off track.

So, Kate and Camy are coming in next Wednesday and I am pretty happy about this. You may remember from a previous toastedblog entry that my brother visited back at the end of the summer and that was great. But, I haven't seen my sister since the aforementioned Grand Rapids move and needless to say that I am looking forward to it. Kate and I were pretty close growing up and seeing as how we are Irish twins (we are 11 months apart) we are still. Not as close as we'd both like but the distance of half the country between us makes it difficult, not to forget our busy schedules. Katie is an animal nutritionist, basically a big animal vet. From what I gather, she travels to farms and checks out the livestock (mostly the moo cows) making sure they are getting the right feed and care. Camy travels with her. That must be great, your job consisting of driving on the farm roads in a pick up with your dog. I'd be rocking out to Pearl Jam while working as well. Hopefully she does too. Drive safe Kate and we'll see you in less than a week. Remember, Aunt Julie is my godmother so that means I get the majority of the turkey leftovers. HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! (maniacal laugh)

Wicked Dang Its...They DO Exist!!

It has come to my attention that my attempt at friendliness may have backfired causing dang its aplenty. Exceptions were made to my comment of someone being described as "pretty cool". Let me first explain myself and if anger is still there, it will be allowed, wait, it will be demanded that I receive multiple kicks to the teeth. I was afraid that if I used the originally intended phrase "wicked cool", my many audience members would see "wicked" as meaning evil by nature and in practice or malicious instead of "wicked" being used to intensify how cool you actually are. For example: "Wow, this sandwich is wicked!!" Here, "wicked" as written and understood by me would mean that sure is a tasty sandwich. But my audience could picture a sandwich trying to cause physical harm or worse, try to take over the world. To make a long explanation just a little bit longer; "wicked cool" would equal very cool or as my pal Wooderson would say, alright, alright, alright. I'm afraid that I just didn't want to tarnish your image and I apologize for any confusion.

In other toastednews I must extend an apology to my Uncle Jitter. Last night in our basketball game against the mad pressing three point heaving team known simply as Latinos Unitedos (or something like that) we got killed and at no point did we adapt to their game by coming out with some of the basketball plays that you suggested. We did unleash our impotent offense through poor shooting instead of bottling up those bad basketball skills by, as you put, four cornering them to death ala Princeton. No frustration or hilarity ensued. Nor did we take our rather large American teammates hands and circle the ball handler in an attempt to block out defenders in your "ring-around-the-rosie" offense and we didn't even come close to pulling off the "ring-around-the-toastie". Jitter, there was no trust tree; no nest. There was Phelps though, catching every pass as if he were a powerful tight end out there. You should have seem him as the ball was guided in by his body and he cradled it like a newborn baby being delivered by this Chaotic Doctor who doubles as our resident chef. But can he make casey-dillas; Chump Phelps!! Anywho, Jitter I know that you rattled your brain coming up with something that can help our team achive the success we so richly deserve. Just wait till next week. When are you coming home next or has that yet to be planned??

I have been given the "tremendous" opportunity of taking an exciting drive this Saturday morning down to Corning, NY; AT 5:00 AM (DANG IT!!). Why Corning, why so early, why is the Toast doing this to his much needed pajama jammy jam time in his warm and snuggly bed (you might even refer to it as toasty, ha ha)?? Well, I have to renew my hockey referee certification and the only seminar that I could attend is down in Corning (near Elmira) at 7:30 AM. True, they had some of these referee seminars near toasted land but our rugby matches were always scheduled on Saturday so I was unable to attend. We're talking about 7 hours on the ice with a whistle and a very stylish striped shirt. I'm actually looking forward to it, just not the 5:00 am part. Any opportunity I have to make around $150+ a weekend just to watch/ref some hockey games plus spend some time at the rink is alright by me. Plus, I get to wear a helmet, WOOP DE WOOP!!

Finally, it was released that George Steinbrenner has met with Pedro Martinez in an attempt to sign the free agent pitcher. Obviously I want him to re-sign with the Sox but how are Yankee fans taking this. Are they excited about potentially getting one of the games great pitchers or are the still all "who's your daddy"? Isn't it considered illegal to go after players who are considered your rivals?? I mean, the Yankee organization and their entire fan base have hated this man for years, now they are just going to throw that away because the big Stein is getting him as a hired gun? I've analyzed this situation a few times now and I have finally come to a conclusion; I'd look good in a beret.

That's it, I'm out!!

Welcome to Chumpsville!

Paging Dr. Marcus C. Chumps (aka Phelps). So you think you know better than me Phelps?? Think the Eagles of the 80's were dominant against the Giants huh? What are your feelings on the Backstage Betty's (my fantasy league football team) or your opinion on me eating candy bars ? What would happen if you and I wrastled?? Oklahoma drills?? Doughnut eating contest?? Alright, I take the last one back.

Who here knows Phelps? Ok, I had to ask before I got into explaining a little bit about this Dr. Chaos who Toast is happy to call one of his friends....I think. Simply put, Phelps is a mass of man. Picture if you will, a refrigerator shaped gentleman with the face of Dave Matthews. He hails from Jersey, or at least now he does, and lives amongst us as he demolishes medical school; hence all of the doctor references. A man of many traits and a magnificent reindeer fleece, Phelps is a machine when it comes to suggesting pizza toppings, analyzing the blitzing Eagles defense, maintaining fairway accuracy in Golden Tee, demanding Arby's on road trips, and getting his friends roaring drunk with his vast knowledge of drinking games (Pizza Box!!!). I still haven't mentioned his ability to wow us in the kitchen with those cheesy bacon biscuit things he brings out for football watchin' Sundays; ooohhh.......they're good. With this kind of versatility being brought to the table, Phelps is definitely a dude's dude. He's even developed his own sandwich. I would kill for a McPhelps right now!!

Lately, Phelps and I have developed a funny hostility to our friendship. You know, lots of smack talk. I'll say something like the following (actual exchange took place): "Instead of giving you a thumbs up as I saw you drive by on the way to Pat's Pub, I seriously contemplated just flipping you off." Phelps will react with a giggling laugh and a "Damn you Toastie!" I'll call him Chumps or Chump Phelps, he'll make comments about his hatred of the Betty's and threaten my health. I'll try to start pushing him around and tackle him into the ground. Phelpsie will come back and toss me around like a small child. But its all good baby. We joke around and then he passes along much of his worldly knowledge to me, almost like a tutor or mentor. "Hey Toastie, this is how you curve the ball around obstacles and make sure to lighten up on those downhill putts" or "No Toastie, first its a nice, spread out layer of horseradish, then you top with mustard; now you know the correct way to take on a roast beef sandwich at Clarke's Ale House." He'll make sure you know to listen to "The Weight", hit on waitresses on road trips to Montreal (even after purchasing powder blue Retro Expos jersey) , and play cards with you in any circumstances, especially on Chigago road trips stuck near Gary, IN. Good times with Phelpsie. Good times. I hate Gary!

Someone said the following to me over the weekend: "I don't know how to tell you this, but ODB is dead." Not Big Baby Jesus! Definitely not Big Baby Jitters!! But a world without Dirt McGurt, I can't imagine. Now, for the last time, "Dir-tay, baby I got ya' money!"

Speaking of weekend, I had a great one. First off, Friday was filled with hanging out with my good buddy Chuck, which other than a Monday trip to see Rachel at the Blarney Stone for a beer and some wingies complete with football and our weekly lunch trip to for chinese on Fridays doesn't happen that often of late. Chuck was my roommate in college and someone I consider to be my best friend so needless to say that it is a good thing when we hang out together. We didn't do anything too crazy, just stayed at his place for a bit with some beers and an 11:00 PM run to the local pub for some darts.

Saturday involved my first trip to the Dinosaur Barbeque in a little bit and my first hockey game viewing of the year (Damn you NHL!). Went with good buddy Billy, his girlfriend Kathy, her friend Jaime who was pretty cool I thought, her brother Chris (I was calling him 15 all night because of his birthday being the 15th of Dec., as oppossed to my brother's which is Dec. 16th; don't ask why, alcohol was involved) and his girlfriend. I had never met a few of these people before but they quickly received the Toasted Stamp of Approval for their ability to make me laugh, which isn't very hard but is always welcome. I had a sandwich that could've bitten your head off and would have made many jealous. Picture if you will, layered on a huge roll, bbq beef, jalepenos, pulled pork, melted cheese, and topped with coleslaw. So delicious yet so deadly for those around me during the digestion period. That sandwich was worth any potential gas embarrassment and that holds true to this day. It was great to watch hockey again and has made me impatient for the start of my season. I really miss playing all of the time. Makes me long for the glory days in High School, well at least the hockey season. The evening rounded out at some bar I had never been too before but with someone in our party knowing the bartender, beers were aplenty and Jameson Irish Whiskey has become my favorite drink of all time. You top all that of with a tremendous dang it of a Giants loss to Arizona but witnessing that game at Pats with Billy Shannon and the previously described Chump Phelps, now thats a good time. That's a weekend you can't beat with a stick!!

Dear Die Hard. You rock! Especially when that guy was on the roof. P.S: Do you know Mad Max?

Today's toastedblog title sent me into hysterics last night. I started watching the Simpsons when I got home from the gym after work. But, that got me thinking. Now, since our rugby season officially ended last week; I need to find something to do at nights other than going out for I fear that my wallet may be in trouble if I don't. I can't just sit around all night in front of the TV either. I need something. I'll go to the gym after work (or during lunch hour) pretty much daily, I play in a basketball league even though we are not terribly good or tall (but with Jitter's help, we'll get that win), and have my hockey league starting up soon, but I need something else. With playoff baseball behind us and the NHL not starting up anytime soon, I am at a loss on what to do and I know that this is a void that the NBA cannot fill. Maybe this is life's way of saying that I should have definitely started grad school a few months ago instead of once again putting things off by not getting on the ball. Maybe life is telling me: "Casey, stop screwing around all of the time and start your %$#*&@ career." You know what, I think that may be just it.

**Quick side note to announce tremendous dang it, we may have a serious blog entry.**

Now, this whole grad school idea gets me thinking about what I've been doing the past few years. I am a college graduate with a sparkling degree in History. What the hell was I thinking?? I want to be an elementary school teacher but I am not certified to teach in New York State, hence my going back to school. Have I done anything other than just talk about what I have to do?? Technically yes because I did actually get some school applications; however they still have yet to be filled out. I have been out of college since 2001 and I am still not doing what I set out to. Now part of it may have been that I wasn't ready to go back to school, wanted to hang out with my friends all of the time; and I know part of it was that I was so blindedly (is that a word) in love with someone that I almost didn't come close to thinking about school, even though she was in college, hell even grad school at the time. I'm not using anyone as an excuse, its no one's fault but my own. But if I have to blame someone, dammit Javen!!!

Just kidding buddy. Actually, Javen is in my head because through recent contact with him, there is a potential trip to Schenectady planned for this weekend. I think good times are the only possible outcome. That and drunk singing of George Michael and Alanis Morrisette. Who's actually going to say that isn't a good time. Now we just need to get Chumps, Willie Moe, and Billy involved and we have ourselves an adventure. Not quite best weekend ever category but one to be remembered. Well, Javen and the boys will get me through at least one more weekend. I hope sarcasm can be read. I say we kick off our drunken singing with Cracker and the D. To Schenectady, a place you should go to if you are passing by, or have friends that live there.

If school doesn't happen soon like I want it to, at least I have started jotting down a list of things I can do to pass my free time or to make my job more interesting. Here's what I have so far:

-take a cooking class (ladies, I already know how to cook, just to learn more, dang!!)
-poke badgers with spoons
-learn lyrics to "Lay Your Hands on Me" by the incomparable Jon Bon Jovi
-eat crackers
-go to Javen's again
-in a crowded elevator, face away from the door, each time it opens, unbutton one shirt button
-launch squirrels with a water balloon slingshot
-climb a bathroom stall divider, cling to it like a koala bear for five minutes or until spotted, whichever comes first
-finally get Billy to make a copy of Chigago weekend tape
-become an international jewel thief
-waterproof my pants
-breakdance
-stuff a computer mouse...into my own mouth!
-recite the opening monologue from the A-Team
-drive to PA, steal shopping carts
-send a monkey to blow up moon, no questions asked
-plunge into water from a great height without dying
-punt a small dog
-start a boy band
-sit behind my desk completely nude from the waist down for 20 minutes
-groan out loud while in the bathroom stall
-write "see how I look in tights" in the near future in all my friends datebooks.
-steal five coats or jackets, wear all of them at once, stride purposefully through the office
-heavily scent my office chair with an ounce or two of Jack Daniels
-answer phone by screaming as loud as I can

I've got a lot to look forward to huh?? We'll return to hilarity in the future. I promise.

Help Me Big Baby Jitters. You're my only hope!!

For those who know the toast, we notice he has a thing for sports. I love to watch 'em. I mean, who wouldn't?? There is nothing like getting together with a group of your good friends and watch a good day of football with beers and wingies, meeting out at a bar for big Monday once NCAA Basketball gets underway, night after night going nuts for playoff baseball, the Superbowl, going and watching Boeheim work his magic, whew.....and I'm not even close to being done. More importantly, I love playing them. I've played hockey since I was a wee lad and do still today, went to minor league catcher camp, been playing rugby and loving every minute of it, and I was even nominated for the Heisman Trophy (Nutrocker!!). However, for the first time in my sport enjoying life, I am playing organized basketball by joining a city rec. league team. Now, I know the game of basketball. I've played it while growing up, will play pick up games with friends every now and then; all that good stuff. Organized basketball, I have no idea what the hell I am doing. The Change O' Pacer's (my team, named after our sponsor, the wonderful sports bar the Change of Pace) had our first game last night. Jitter, this is where you come in. Chicken wing pizza and classic over-strohs shall be your reward.

Jitter, or (JT), is a "rather large American" living in the far off reaches of the great European country of Portugal. Originally from Mansfield, OH (which he aptly nicknamed Landfill), he is a man that has brought much to the toast and the rest of my fellow companions. He alone has helped coin phrases that you and I use every day. Try to think of what your day would be like if you couldn't yell "dang it" when something just doesn't go your way, or shouting "fancy play" when you come across a PBR special at the Bridge Street Tavern. We owe our "yahtzee's", "owwww...'s", and "all of it higher's" to that Counting Crows listenin', blatz drinkin', and bird lovin' Ohio native. I mean, without our Uncle Jitter, I may not know of the wonders of Big K soda, Card Sharks, Ma Jitters late night casey-dilla feast and Modon-YO!! He even introduced a completely sloshed Toast to Bill Jitters at 3 in the morning during Chigago weekend!! At 6'11", he is officially the tallest person I know. That height has given him many advantages that us 5'11" folk were never presented, one of those being the ability to play professional basketball in a foreign and beautiful setting. That is why I come to him now.

The Change O' Pacers need a ringer. We got absolutely pummeled by a group of middle aged lawyers in our basketball game last night. The Pacer's need you to come home as soon as possible and return this struggling team to the glory we once held. Only you can show us the ropes of the International game. Teach us how to not step out of bounds 3 times in one game while bringing the ball up the court and improve our shooting so that we don't need to hit the backboard to have any chance of the ball going in. We need help boxing out, playing stand up defense, and controlling the flow of the game. More importantly, we need a tall guy who's good at basketball to win all of our games for us. Please say that you're in. Fly to the States so you can join us on Tuesday nights for city rec. league ball. While you're at it, bring Javen and Danny back. We've got jerseys waiting.

In other toasted news, our rugby team destroyed in the playoffs beating Genesee in the semi's and taking out Rochester in the finals for our third state title in a row. We came out ready to play and just rolled. Also, I don;t think that I have drank as much as I did this past weekend in quite some time. Chigago weekend beats the amount of beer I had but other than that, we've got some searching to do. I really should devote an entire entry to get the full effect of my drunkeness. A sense a future toasted tale!!!

Finally, I was to publish a blog yesterday that dealt with some toasted thoughts on the election with it cleverly titled "I used to work with the Pentagon, now I help you get your chicken on." Oh, this detailed the toppling of the Bush administration by the Democratic John Kerry and Dubya's impending journey of discovery as a tremendous cog in the rotisserie chicken industry, just like the Gambler. Oh well: "Bad Chicken!! Mess You Up!!"